Cat Fever Cafe/Solutions

[Ra]

Ra plays Star Trek: START RE AA
Jo thinks <Play something else.> AYE, SPELL SOMETHING
Ra thinks <Try this.> and plays 'Close to you' then heaps three and a half spoons of sugar in his coffee.
'Close to you': CLUE, OO TOYS
What are OO TOYS? GUNS of course.
GUNS to THIS = MME
The E can disappear because E is the 5th letter of 'Close to you'
So, we have mm, or millimetres.
Common callibres are 9mm and 7.62mm.
T + O + Y + S = 7, giving OO7.
So, from 9 and 7.62 we are left with 962, which gives FBI
But wait, what would the FBI be doing in England?
Ra had three and a half sugars, which is half of 7, so we half the 62 leaving 31.
Thus we are left with 931, or CIA

This might seem an awful lot of trouble just to say one word, but Ra wants to let Jo know that the bar steward is a CIA op without the EST finding out that he knows. Anyway, this level of communication is easy when you've got an IQ of 2,000.

[CaptainPenguin]

The what now?
I read it, and I still don't get it.
Why would you disregard E just because it's the fifth letter of "Close to you"?
What...Who...When..?
Whathewhosawhat?

[Ra]

First and foremost, thank you, good Captain, for taking the time.

Yes, that E was a bit sneaky. E = 5, therefore E in the 5th place means that any letter can change by 5 (plus, I could go deeper into the message using MEM, which is short for MEMORY, but I thought I'd keep it simple.) So, you want the bare facts? No codes?

You're not going to like it (or believe it).

It's not very arbitrary at all.

It's more like Sci Fi.

My idea of fun is 'slaying dragons', not rolling dice and pretending.

I am a professional soldier. (think of me as Captain Kirk, only better looking, more deadly, more intelligent, 6'3", and lastly and MOST importantly, ENGLISH)

I am Ra.

(Jo says 'Hi!!!!')

(and she says, 'Not better looking.')

I am 41,030 of your Earth years old.

My IQ is approx 2,000.

I am a secret agent/not so secret these days.

I work for the Federation of Planets Space Agency.

And I am here to PARTY!!!!!

I am immortal in that I will live forever, and cannot be killed (this is YOUR future too, Captain. I am very similar to you physically. If your lifespan hadn't been cut down by Jehovah, you would live forever too, and get to be every bit as clever as I am)

The game isn't a game.

It's an ELF training manual.

Your planet has been invaded by aliens (the EST) for millenia.

(don't listen to me. It's a game without end for you (Jo says she did it in five minutes, but then she's REALLY intelligent). I'd give it, say, fifteen years, at a slow pace)

(here's the EST counter game. 'Wurld Wor IV, a gam uv.... derr!!!' 'I am a hooman bean.' The End.)

You haven't got a chance of decoding what I put here without hundreds of years of practice. (well, Cat Fever Cafe is possible, but then I've already written over 10,000 codes on this site. I am using this Forum as a base of operations. My backup team decode my messages in SECONDS, and implements any plans, etc.)

I aim to have cleared up this mess by 2020.

What am I really doing here?

TOTALLY CLASSIFIED

Does this make more sense, Captain? (I did mention that I'm not from this planet in my first post)

You know, in a lot of ways, cave men were more advanced than modern people. All I had to do was point at the sky when they asked me where I was from, and they UNDERSTOOD what I meant. Let me try again.

I

AM

FROM

ANOTHER

PLANET.

(up there ^)

(there, that didn't hurt too much)

However, should this not fit your 'reality set', yes, the code is VERY hard to do. Ignore it and just use the scenario if you like. However, thanks for looking at it.

Why not pop into the cafe for a jam? There's no rules against penguins getting refreshment. I'll decode what you do and say too, yes?

Now listening to 'I'm Gonna Get You', by Bizarre Inc.

'Why waste your time, you know your gonna be mine, you know your gonna be mine, you know your gonna be mine....'
_________________________
You'll know if Ra's joking or not because when he writes something funny, it is obviously humourous and not a plain statement of fact. Excerpt: 'Explaining the Inexplicable.' Uri Geller.

[CaptainPenguin]

So...
Are you attempting to get me to like the game by:

A. Insulting the type of game that I choose ("My idea of fun is 'slaying dragons', not rolling dice and pretending." )
B. Confusing me more.

Interesting...

[Ra]

A: Sorry. No insult intended toward D + D. I was speaking in character. I love D + D but never get a chance to play.

B: Yes

B: No

B: Maybe

It is permissable to play sub games as long as you can associate the sub game with the main game. Thus, as Cat, I am allowed to play 'Close Encounters of the Furred Kind'. This involves making 'contact' with a native of planet Water (convincing them that I am an extraterrestrial). I also play Terminator 2, which involves an up escalator and some form of weapon. I use a light sabre. This is a very advanced weapon in that it won't kill people.  Playing original Terminator involves telling a psychiatrist that a Terminator is coming to kill everyone. I haven't tried that out yet.

What am I saying? Nothing is true, everything is permissable.
_____________________
Little is known of Ra, but he is notorious for his eccentric, sick, disturbed, etc. sense of humour. Excerpt: The Book of Ra. Hermes Trigestimus.