Ra looked down at his hand. Instead of a sword, his hand held a strange plastic tube. A beer glass in front of him morphed into a computer. He looked at the screen. It appeared to be some kind of Forum. He read on. What was Luke going on about? This was serious stuff. He looked around the room. He was alone. He looked at the plastic tube in his hand. ‘It’s a sword’ he thought, and the plastic tube turned back into Excalibur. He hauled the sword out of his scabbard and thrust it deep into the CPU. The scene changed and he saw the creature on the end of his sword.
‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I thought you were a computer. *I do hope your character can withstand this kind of thing.*’
‘Must have caught a virus!’ he quipped to the others. They groaned. Ra was famous mainly for his BAD sense of humour. He wondered if he’d interfered with some strange religious ceremony?
‘d**n!!!’, he thought, ‘She must’ve heard m…..’ he laughed, slightly nervously, and looked at the ground.
‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘was that your pet?’ He wiped the sticky green ooze off his sword as the creature turned into a pretty butterfly that was snapped up by a chequered chameleon. The chameleon was sitting on a chess board, but it was obviously colour blind as the chess board was black and white, whereas the chameleon was green and pink. This gave him an unnerving sense that he’d done something wrong. ‘So….. how’s tricks?’ He waited….. ‘It’s not so bad, I didn’t cut him to PCs’ They groaned again, louder and longer this time. Ra decided to shut up.
*Actually, I’ve never read Harry P. I’m so vain, I probably think this book’s about me. If you look closely, my name is cunningly spelt backwards in Harry. You may wonder how I used the sword. Well, it was silly of the creature to turn into a computer, when I have an automatic spell covering DOS. Hi Jo!!!! Loads of love!!!!!*
The chameleon looked malevolently at Ra, then turned into a bat the size of a large house, and flapped away. Slowly, the green and pink chequers faded into a sick shade of puce. Ra sheathed his sword and held out his hand.
‘Hi, I’m Ra. Pleased to meet you.’ He tried to smile cheerfully, but it just looked like a smirk, as people often told him. It wasn’t that he was smug, just that it was physically impossible for him to smile nicely. He gave up and opened his mouth, which made him look gormless. ‘Better than smug.’ he thought, ‘Perhaps they’ll think I’m stupid.’ He identified quickly with Homer Simpson, a character these natives should be unfamiliar with, unless they had TVs.