Scrasamax envisions a writhing tentacle of rusty iron spikes battering people about, exploding into theface of unarmored mages and rogues, doing all sorts of horrible things, like leaving bloody corpses pinned to the wall. You are an evil, evil man Val.
I think the write up on this could have been so much better, but kudos for bringing it out. This is odd enough to make it worth reading and gives enough tid bits to flesh out for individual settings. Go to Comment
Those are characters are specifically attached to a specific game on the site. That is why they have mechanics. Other than that, most of this is pointless for most gamers... as most of us here DO NOT PLAY D20. I could post up Fantasy Hero or Ars Magica stats and specials and confuse the rest of you too. That is why everything needs to be described (IN WORDS) to make it adaptable.
A couple of things you can do:
If you have to list the mechanics (to which I would say, "try not to"), list everything as a description first. That way you have a thicker write up AND the character become equipment specific.
The format is uneven. You need to add more character returns at the end of paragraphs. You need to remove them from the middle of sentences and paragraphs. If you are going to line return at the end of each quote/ piece of dialog, you need to do it consistantly throughout the post.
Even if your character is new, you can have a lot more descriptive and motivational elements to his write up.
Nobody cares about generic equipment that most of us would assume he has. And we are going to adapt any standing orders to how we will use him as an NPC, so do not waste your time on them. Remember, you are posting up an NPC (even though it is your PC), so you need to make it useful to GMs. Go to Comment