Those are characters are specifically attached to a specific game on the site. That is why they have mechanics. Other than that, most of this is pointless for most gamers... as most of us here DO NOT PLAY D20. I could post up Fantasy Hero or Ars Magica stats and specials and confuse the rest of you too. That is why everything needs to be described (IN WORDS) to make it adaptable.
A couple of things you can do:
If you have to list the mechanics (to which I would say, "try not to"), list everything as a description first. That way you have a thicker write up AND the character become equipment specific.
The format is uneven. You need to add more character returns at the end of paragraphs. You need to remove them from the middle of sentences and paragraphs. If you are going to line return at the end of each quote/ piece of dialog, you need to do it consistantly throughout the post.
Even if your character is new, you can have a lot more descriptive and motivational elements to his write up.
Nobody cares about generic equipment that most of us would assume he has. And we are going to adapt any standing orders to how we will use him as an NPC, so do not waste your time on them. Remember, you are posting up an NPC (even though it is your PC), so you need to make it useful to GMs. Go to Comment
Dull Grey Robes(worn)
Bright Blue robes (carried)
Bedroll & blanket
Backup componets pouch(hidden in robe lining)
Paper & charcoal
Number of small vials with stoppers
Metal-shod (both ends) oaken staff.(d6, but -5 due to non-prof)
Sling & 12 carefully selected stones (1d4 dmg)
2 Heavy lead bullets for sling(2d5 dmg)
Ring of Protection +2 (From Uncle)
Scroll with 4 spells, 2- 3rd, 2-4th 1-5th (fireball, protection from normal missiles, wall of ice, stone-skin)
Vambraces of Defense (AC 5), usable by anyone even mages(!)
1 scroll w/5 spells. Dimension Door x2, Locate Object x2, Plant Growth
Shrunken Spellbook (functional but shrunk to 1/12th size)
Thick, glass, Jar of ooze (instant demodand, just add water?)
Scroll of something (language not understood by anyone present) Go to Comment
Surprise Attack - Toss staff to attacker. Take cover, including using other persons
Basic Attack - Will take cover behind other persons/objects as available. Will fire sling stones when clear of immediate threat.
Attack of Opportunity - If at sling range, will fire, otherwise help others. Spells too precious to use without direct thought
Injured - Scream and run
Injury - Apply direct pressure and hope it wasn't the cleric who dropped.
Special - Will ALWAYS try and figure something out in the situation at hand before acting. Has too few hp, spells and weapons to ever act rashly Go to Comment
Well, I can find worse. :) In any case, this is intended to be part of one of the ongoing RPGs - it was a quick effort. Backstory is thin because not much has happened to this guy yet - a starting character can't have too much, or they are not a starting character.
Also, if you look at the other submissions for the 'Back in the day' codex, they also have game stats. They have much better backstories to, so I'll not exuse that aspect.
Perhaps we need a new section for these type of submissions, as I agree this does not fit in with the normal NPC Submission. Go to Comment
Also, truth be told, the basic career path and motivations are not far from my own early on, if you replace the Uncle with the "Government", and Computer Geek with Magecraft. Fortunately, I was able to clear my Debt before they named their price...