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The Inferno Field
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Ecology)
thechocobohunter's comment on 2010-06-15 05:27 PM
Update: This was given a fix to make sure that I could get my point across without sounding stupid. I have finally fixed my own errors in many things. Go to Comment
Chocobo Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Kassil's comment on 2007-12-28 11:48 AM
To chime in on the above, being familiar with the games in question, this is just a bit too much of a mass-derivative work. Chocobos, KH, various and sundry references and acquisitions and intermixtures - I'd advise trying to rework it to be a bit less 'rabid otaku' and if you're going to use material published by others, give credit about it. Not everyone has played the games in question.

The effects are also a bit much on the side of 'This is God in a Box'. Instant amplification of magical ability to epic levels, but if you abuse it (and the descriptor is such that you leave it wide open to interpretation of what might be abuse or not) ZOT, you're dead.

Also, one formatting nitpick: please ditch the multiple exclamation points. Go to Comment
Chocobo Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Wulfhere's comment on 2007-05-18 04:48 PM
Chocobohunter, this is impressive in some ways, but also has some things that work against it. We're going to have some questions and criticism, but don't let that discourage you.

I'm not familiar with the video games that inspired parts of this, so I'm not sure which parts were derived from the games and which are your own original contributions. You should be careful not to use too much material from other people's work, because it can make your original ideas get lost in the mix. Even something original can look like it was plaigarized, so it is vital that you add something acknowledging your sources (e.g.: "The Chocobo Bird is a creature from the Final Fantasy games.").

To help us see what parts are yours, could you give a little information about the sources you used? Go to Comment
Chocobo Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Wulfhere's comment on 2007-05-18 05:05 PM
The ring is obviously supposed to be an artifact of incredible power, but the way it’s described, it’s too powerful. We look at these things from the perspective of people running various games, and the Chocobo Ring would wreck any game it was put in.

Who do you picture using this artifact? How would you make it part of a game? Such a thing could make a good legend or a “framing story” for a game, but once the ring itself showed up, the game would essentially be over.

“I have heard rumours, my sons… Rumours that speak of the legendary Chocobo Stone! Yes, once there was a ring known as the Chocobo Ring, a device of such magical potency that reality itself was bent to its purposes. But… It was TOO powerful! No mortal dared wear it, for its power was too strong, too pure, for a mere human to long endure! It was riven apart in the end, but its sundered parts remain, too lovely to be destroyed. In this, the hour of our land’s greatest peril, we shall find them, and the Ring of the Chocobo shall be restored! Go to Comment
Chocobo Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Wulfhere's comment on 2007-05-19 01:40 AM
Consultation with two well-informed site members (Siren no Orakio and Ria Hawk) revealed the following:

In the game Kingdom Hearts, Ansem was the ruler of the Hollow Bastion realm, who studied a phenomena known as the Heartless (creatures of darkness that stole people's hearts.) He was considered a brilliant scientist until he got too close. The bit about creating Heartless synthetically was also in the game.

In Final Fantasy VII, there are stones called materia that give their wielders magical powers, and one in particular, Holy, was pretty much the force of good in solid form.

As was noted above, Chocobos are from Final Fantasy.

Chocobohunter, taking that much background information without giving credit is like stealing. If you want to make an item up, you can add references to other people's work, but you need to add a comment explaining that it's intended to go with that setting ("An item made for an Anime-style game in the 'Kingdom Hearts' setting.")

The ring strongly resembles an item from the Final Fantasy game. While the idea of a powerful, good piece of jewelry is fine, when you combine it with the other details, it's like plaigarism. Go to Comment
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