Anyway, I agree with Zylithan on all his points. This post has plenty of promise but the execution of it is not always the best. If all of it had been as good as the best bits, it could have been a 5/5 post.
We may never know. Go to Comment
This post is strange to me because there are several very bad things, and several very good things, an odd combination. For the bad: It is too cliched and unrealistic. Evil elves that dress in purple and wield curved swords... their name sounds like Nasgull (from LOTR). The descriptions and motivation are short and cliched.
Now, I really like a lot of the words you made up (for swords, worlds) and I like the pronounciation guides. I like where you were going when you said they found love.... it was starting to get original I thought. But then it looks like you forgot about that and went back to cliche. Also, you clearly spent a good deal of time on this post, which is good. Talking about the different ranks was good (except we don't care how many battles they have to win, we care about how rank affects how they live, etc.)
This is a long post, but still I know so little about the race. Where do they live (houses, underground?) What do they eat? Details like this, and staying as far away from cliche as possible will help you get great scores. You obviously have the ability to write and the effort to write long... just try to be a little more orginal :-) Go to Comment
Wow, first time I have been the target of a large cohesive attacking force. Hard to believe my other flying squirrel scouts didn't find anything :-). What would our benevolent ruler do I wonder? ;-)
It is an interesting overview but more details are needed to explain some circumstances. This information would work well to give to the players, but for me to run it I have to know more of what is *really* going on. I can make most of it up myself, but this should have a story to go with it I think.
Why is the hermit the only one that knows these things? A soothsayer? a crystal ball? knows people who knows people? History of the hermit would be useful. And why would he put traps all around his lair? "What is your favorite color?" type thing? Protecting sacred knowledge? I would like to know your spin on the hermit. Go to Comment
In any case, heres my two cents:
1. "There is a lot of men, elves, orcs, trolls, dwarves and even dragons"? There is a lot? What does that mean?
2. I don't think that those respective groups would work together very well.
3. "The hills are littered with several traps and tricks"? Only several?
4. Like I said in your character, you do know that your posts don't have to have anything to do with Strolen's, don't you? Go to Comment
Eledas, what plot are you reading? Originally there is no true plot, but only an outline of something that might resemble a scenario. Admittedly there is not enough room to convidently explain all the details of a scenario on the board, but this scenario is like saying The Lord of the Rings is about a guy who stops the bad guy by destroying a magic ring. Big brush strokes on a small canvas do not paint a pretty picture (unless you are into abstract art). Go to Comment
Ok, I put Strolen as king because he started this board, and Its supposed to have everyone involved. Second, a lot of dragons is a lot too many. Also, this band is being led by a dark magician, he can easily control his creatures, so they work well together. Also, they stay away from each other except at meetings. This wizard wants to expand his borders, and the poor kingdom of Strolen's Citadel is closest.
Third: A history of the hermit:
He was once a great warrior in far off kingdom, whos name has been forgotten. He was fierce in spirit, and fiercer in battle, and whole army's quaked at the sight of him. Yet one day as he was walking an old, dusty path (as warriors often do) he came across a rather odd looking artifact half-hidden in the sand. From what he could see, it looked like a jewell necklace. Without thinking as to what it could mean (a rather uncharacteristic move for him) he reached down and grabbed it. Instantly it wrapped itself around his arm and became a rather evil looking glove, stopping just below the elbow. At this point he found his spirit draining from him, and new an evil spell had befallen him. As he strained to take it off, the glove only grew larger, and started to constrict itself even more. When it had grown to the size of his entire arm, all fight left him, and he collapsed on the ground. Upon waking he found himself in a dark, small, musty cell, chained by hand and foot to the wall. Just as his head began to stop pounding, the door creaked open, and the most hiideous thing he had ever seen slunk into the room. It was huge, 15 feet at least, and seemed to contain no depth at all. Like a shadow, it seemed there, but not there at the same time. Then, as it leaned closer and lifted its hood...FIRE!! Where its head should be was nothing but the shadowlike substance. But its eyes, they were not eyes, they were fire, leaping out at him with long, burning flames, ready to scald the flesh off his body.
"I am the great wizzard Nazereth" it hissed, a small forked tongue darting in and out of its mouth as it spoke. "You will obay me...or else."
Ever the fearless warrior, our hermit (remember, his name is forgotten), spat at the wizard, and matched him glare for glare. "Or else what? You'll kill me?"
"NO!" it hissed, "if you fail to comply with my demands, you will beg for death before we are through!"
Quaking inside with fear, the hermit (he wasn't a hermit then but I'll just say that from now on for sake of simplicity) stood tall in the face of the enemy, and whispered one phrase.
"Bring it on."
"Fool." the wizard hissed, "you will be sorry you ever crossed the wizard Nazereth." And he swept out the door.
The next day, the beatings began. Harsh beatings 3 times a day, every time they would whip his back until he cried, and then give him 10 drops of water and 3 crumbs of bread, then he would be locked back up. After several weeks of this, the hermit was so weak he could barely stand, and his spirit had finally been crushed. Yet there was still the faintest trace of his old self, hidden deep within him just waiting for the right moment. That moment came the next morning.
He woke later then usual that day, and wondered why they had not come in to administer his first beating. It was then he realized there was a new companion in his cell with him. A small boy, porbably only 4 years of age, and he was quivering with fear, so much so, that the hermit could not get a word out of him. Then the guard came in with his whip. At the site of this weapon, the little broke broke into harsh wailing sobs.
"Shut up!" yelled the guard, and whipped the little boy. Upon seeing this, the small trace of fight the hermit had in him erupted. Seing such a small child maddened him to the point where he cared about nothing, excpet to get the guard. With this newborn ferocity, he ripped the chains clear from the wall, and began to beat the guard 10 times more violently then any he had recieved himself, and the guard was dead within seconds. Grabbing the keys and sword the guard was carrying, he quickly unlocked himself and the small boy, and ran out the door, straight into the middle of the wizards army. (it wasn't anywhere near as big as it is now, but still a formiable force)
Running for the nearby forest, he had nearly made it when the boy yet out a yelp of surprise. Looking down, the hermit saw an arrow was embedded in the young ones stomach, and the white haze of death had crept over his eyes. Blind with grief, the hermit fought his way through the wizards ranks with a force unheard of by any other creature to this day. Even despite his beatings, and lack of food or water, with a sword in his hand he was a perilous beast once again. He whipped through the army, leaving death everywhere his sword travelled, and eventually made it to the outskirts of he woods, where he escaped under the cover of the trees. He travelled to the hills he could see in the distance, and upon reaching them, barried the young boy who he didn't even know, and still racked with grief. It was at this point that he decided never to fight again. Well, the wizard was not letting an escaped prisoner get away easily, and sent several platoons to fetch him. It was these constant annoyances that caused him to turn is mountain into a labyrinth of traps and guardians. After the wizard was forced to continue with his march towards war (or risk a mutinous army) he left, and the hermit was soon forgotten. Yet the people who are fighting against Nazereth have not forgotten this man, who still wears the black glove of the wizard, and it is thought that, if someone can navigate his mountain (a feat no man has accomplished yet) then they can enlist the help of the hermit himself, and turn the tide of the war in their favor.
There, I think thats pretty good seeing as I just made it up on the spot there. :-) Go to Comment
Well, in all fairness i think that only people that have been to this site, and know strolen, would find this an ammusing campain. However, congratulions on you achievement of king strolen. Go to Comment