There is a germ of an interesting item here, but the execution needs a lot of work. Read it aloud - the run-on sentences should stand out as well as other issues.
A couple of things with this one. First, the grammar. Mostly run on sentences, easily fixed. The item itself though, I'm having a hard time thinking that big enough chunks of gore would stick to the blade to do much other than writhe around and look menacing. Beyond that, a decent take on the evil sword concept. Go to Comment
A nice spoof of the classic Eyes of Petfrification. I was about to ask about the "Why?" of the petrification, but I can assume it's because it's a spoof. I am amused. Go to Comment
Both gruesome and comical. I guess that fact that Anima has to rely on them for his sole source of conversation, speaks volumes about his lack of a proper social life. I want to know why they have been enchanted to petrify the people they bump into. Are they intended as guardians who protect the mage's stuff from would-be thieves? Go to Comment
quirky and endearing item! Can't help but smile, especially at the chattering away part and their name.
I think it makes for a memorable addition to a game. I can picture a thief, crouched down low, at the back of a dead-end alley, slowly opening the pouch, having just stolen it minutes ago, and many streets away. His eyes sparkle with greed, anxious to see what "treasure" he has acquired. As he opens the strings of the pouch and peers inside, his grin gives way to a sudden look of dismay and revulsion.
I will go ahead and answer some questions that came up in the comments.
Cheka are the eyes grumpy, not generally but if they have been thrown a lot are given to complaint.
Maggot no they were not really made for his defence except maybe as a last resort, so why did he make them of petrification only he knows for sure.
Valadaar yes they are thrown or dropped weapons though they have a tendency to complain about it. Go to Comment
Not bad at all, but as Val pointed out, it could do with some proper punctuation. Other than that, this anti-social mage would fit well into the setting of a small but prosperous town. Go to Comment
Hmm, There is a few interesting points, but the execution of this one is not as good as your first. There are spelling errors (hart instead of heart), far too few commas. I would suggest reading this sub outloud to yourself, only pausing or breathing on commas or punctuation.
Marginally is misspelled in your summary - the worst place to misspell text since it is the first text people will read.
The collection of eyeballs is quite unique :P Go to Comment
I think it's a great idea, but... I have to agree with Val. More details about the books creation could make this even better. There are also a few grammar/spelling errors that make it tricky to read. Everyone starts somewhere, don't get discouraged.
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Items (Melee Weapons) (Villanous)
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