I am bumping this to the front page because of this week's freetext. There's not much meat on the bones b/c of lack of marketing as previously said but for what's already up, I would give a solid 3. Go to Comment
There is nothing wrong with your entry. There is nothing that right about it either. It is long, but uninspiring. You give us all that build up, and all he is, in the end, is just a nearly undefeatable warrior with a small rag tag band of rebels. The Undefeatable warrior is cliche. A small band of rebels is uninspiring. What is he doing now? Really?
Too much build up. It think we would of been more inclined towards the post had it not been so long and complete... detailing this epic figure. Go to Comment
Nah. You did good, but our crew of experienced gamers had seen it before. Hardly your fault, you gave it a good go. Spartacus is awesome by the way. I used to read about him over and over when I was younger. Go to Comment
Updated: Wrong its based on sparticus all the way. And every reference to battle is from David Gemmell. I take back what I said about you always being right. Anyway is that all? Is there nothing actually wrong with my submission? Go to Comment
The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena?
I don't like the 'you can't use this without permission or nasty people will come and beat you up' aspect of the armor. AS for the Kyters, I coudl see there being kind of a goldrush on their natural supply of ivory, millionares spending a thousand gold pieces for a dozen eggs sort of rush. Go to Comment
A good solid idea, but I must agree with Moon when he states that this is somewhat unclear.
I think I got the point, but you should make sure that I get the point in the post. Open ends are only attractive to create an air of mystery, not confusion.
Still a 3.0 though, if you update this I will update my vote accordingly. Go to Comment
Okay, armour created from Ivory is not too far-fetched - lacquered wood and boiled leather both make reasonable armours. I could see alchemists involved in the preparation of the substance but not in the actual construction of the armour.
Apart from Moons comment on Ivory being bone (its not, similar, but different) his comments are spot on.
I have to agree with Scrasamax. The religion should be a seperate post. The city itself is fairly bland, it needs some details (besides the theocracy) to make it interesting. Why don't you check out the City Image codex. While it has specific rules for its posts, it can give you a feel for some telling details that can be used on any city post. We also have some city posts (location, city, and see the list....) Go to Comment
In a certain nation, no-one except the Emperor is allowed to have a name. Therefore, the people give themselves pseudo-names called "callings". Examples of callings: A family is known as the Red Sparrow family. The father is called Swooping Red Sparrow. The wife is Bright Red Sparrow Blue Lizard because she was called Bright Blue Lizard before marriage. Their daughter, until she becomes an adult, is Daughter of Red Sparrow. Their sons are Eldest Son of Red Sparrow and Younger Son of Red Sparrow.