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Electric Guitar of the Sirens
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Wulfhere's comment on 2010-04-10 01:46 AM
The mixture of ancient magic in a modern instrument is a good start, but you can bring this to the next level. What is there about this guitar that will surprise readers, yet make them say "Of course! I should have thought of that!" What would make a GM decide to build a scenario around it?

The Sirens' irresistible voices carried men to their doom. What does your imagination tell you about this guitar?

"Yes, Lieutenant: That's exactly how we found the bodies. There's no sign that they were restrained, but they appear to have died of thirst in this room. From the positions of the remains, I'd guess they were playing those instruments as some sort of a band; the only thing missing would be the lead guitar." Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Scrasamax's comment on 2010-01-23 07:36 PM
Nice idea, well presented. The only thing I noticed was that the tense of the submission would shift on occasion, going from current tense to past tense, and back again. The correct tense is past tense, so:

The king listens to this idea and decides to hold a meeting with all other members of royalty of other kingdoms to discuss the idea of creating such warriors.

should be

The king listened to this idea and decided to hold a meeting with all other members of royalty of other kingdoms to discuss the idea of creating such warriors. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-01-20 01:19 PM
Userful but a bit uberpowerful. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2010-01-22 09:29 PM
Kooky and sinister at the same time. I particularly like the weakness and the flaws.

Welcome to the citadel numbered mimic!

Looking forward to more Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2013-10-18 02:29 PM
This strikes me as a take on Robocop, with many of the plot ideas that revolve around it. A good solid sub that could play the part of a legend.

Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Redgre's comment on 2010-01-20 11:04 AM
I like the story, the puppets, their creators, and overall how it was written. However, the puppets are a bit overpowered and as per the back story, they are protecting everyone... basically they're doing the average PCs job. I think to make these creations more usable in a roleplaying setting, they need a flaw. Whether that be a weakness that the forces of evil use to turn them against their creators or a weakness that makes their current victory short lived. Another interesting idea would be to use them in a different kind of an adversarial role. Make the PCs some of the last bad guys and have them try to survive the puppet menace. If running an evil campaign, I still think the puppets need a weakness. Finally, as you are talking to us as GMs using your idea, it might be nice to share with us the wizard's secret. Otherwise, an interesting twist on mass produced wood golems, limberjacks, or homunculi. I would love to hear more. Keep on writing. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
tinypoisonousfish's comment on 2010-01-23 09:29 AM
Interesting. I like the soul masks. Needs editing.

As a suggestion,if the Puppet Warriors are made (in part) of wood and water heals them, it might be that they wood is still in part alive ("Resurrection Wood" or some such.) In that case any spell that harms plants could still damage them, provided it got through their magical resistance. That's still a pretty rare weakness so not unreasonable.

Another cool idea is presented to me in the description of the soul masks (and Redgre's comments above.) The adventurers enter a new land, only to find out they are not needed (so it seems) because the Puppet Warriors fill that role.

Unfortunately, when these beings were created, time was of the essence, so prisoners were used. Most volunteered in return for favors and their families being taken care of, but one of the masks is occupied by the soul of (take your pick):

~ A particularly dastardly criminal
~ An evil wizard, sorcerer or shaman
~ An ambitious traitor
~ An old rival of the King (perhaps done away with illegally)
~ A regular person in life, who is now slowly going insane within their new prison and wants revenge


Now this person is slowly regaining memories of their past life. Perhaps it can control the other Puppet Warriors somehow.

Lucky those adventurers are around.... Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
mimic12455's comment on 2010-01-20 05:58 PM
Update: Added Extra information and more on the creation of the warriors. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
mimic12455's comment on 2010-01-20 06:18 PM
Ah yes, the weaknesses. Forget to include that. Thanks for reminding me. I'll be sure to add a little section to possible plot hooks. It'll be a nice idea. Rogue warriors, evil villains having to fight a group of them in a dungeon, even finding the method in creating them.

I'll keep revising it for better use. Thanks against for the advice. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
mimic12455's comment on 2010-01-23 09:17 PM
Yeah, I kind of got this habit of of switching tenses and not realizing it until much later. Which is why I would often need someone to actually point that out to me. Though I'll try to fix the grammar errors when I can. Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
mimic12455's comment on 2011-12-20 12:19 PM
Update: Added and changed a few words Go to Comment
Puppet Warriors
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
mimic12455's comment on 2011-12-20 12:29 PM
Update: Plot hooks Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
Pieh's comment on 2010-01-23 11:08 PM
Very interesting. Keep up the good work. Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
Scrasamax's comment on 2010-01-23 07:45 PM
I don't get it. There is one zombie left, but he is a sentient bad-ass with a trenchcoat and a shotgun? This leaves me with lots of questions, why is is better than the average zombie? Did the other zombies use weapons and retain their intellect? Why is he different?

Writing was good, but just had questions. Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-01-18 08:59 AM
I wonder what gave this last zombie a mind? Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2013-09-02 08:03 AM
I echo axle on this, its been done before. The potential is here for a great sub, and I realize that this was written years ago by someone who is inactive by all accounts.

I would require a lot more information for this to be good to me. Like scras says, far to many questions. Why, how, what for starters.

Why is he intelligent? Were the other zombies intelligent? If so then that would make for an interesting setting. Zombies that are as intelligent as the living is a grand setting idea.

How did the zombie apocalypse happen? Military chemical warfare? Divine anger? Mother Nature pissed off? I realize having it vague for the GM to implement their own ideas in to make it more useful and user friendly for them but give ideas of to how use this. If this zombie is unique, being the only intelligent one, how did he get that way? Has he successfully killed and eaten so many "brains" that he has assimilated the intelligence of those he has killed and eaten? Which would be an interesting idea itself. The undead gain the memories and partial skill sets of those they kill and eat.

What is this zombie's purpose? Conflicting possibilities were given. Good guy? Bad guy? Trying to spread the zombie plague again? Trying to keep it isolated in himself and actually wiping out people who carry the gene that can pass the zombie plague and begin it again. Possibly he is seen as murdering and eating people but in fact he is creating a genocide and physically devouring the zombie virus and keeping it within himself. Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
Drackler's comment on 2010-01-23 10:27 AM
I mainly agree with VIM, but I would like to also say that I found your writing to flow smoothly and be interesting, while still getting all the information across. Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-20 04:39 PM


Darkman with a bombstick, 



 



The mysterious stranger,



-hunted by a highly trained cladestine military team,



-traveling from town,



-delivering enigmatic one-liners to bartenders



-complete badass.



 This has been done and done better. The fact the people think he is the last of undead is kind of interesting, but overall no. 


Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2012-12-03 01:42 PM
Little more then (good) imagery to this one. Go to Comment
The Last Zombie
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
mimic12455's comment on 2010-01-18 12:08 AM
Update: I believe it to be a good submission now. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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