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Translator of Political Corectness
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
manfred's comment on 2007-10-17 01:51 PM
Good idea, Dozus! I didn't think of that alternative use. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
manfred's comment on 2007-10-17 01:54 PM
Now that would be quite useful... and dangerous. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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manfred's comment on 2007-10-21 12:24 PM
What? I mean, it's a nice idea, but, but, but... *attempts to form coherent words*

(some time later)

...well, you can't argue with a five vote. :) Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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MoonHunter's comment on 2008-04-10 05:18 PM
Moon Missed this one and caught it on the random. Which is appropriate for a silly. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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EchoMirage's comment on 2007-10-21 06:00 AM
You know, this post cannot be improved in any way. Thus, an honest 5 of 5. Go manfred! Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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Cheka Man's comment on 2007-10-17 12:44 PM
Good for polite diplomacy but not much good in a troublesome situation. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-10-21 01:05 PM
I gave you a 5/5 vote too. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2007-10-17 01:00 PM
I got the urge to create its counterpart: The gut honest item, saying what people really mean as opposed to what they are really saying... :D

Envoy: Lord Arvareen, I am enchanted to make your aquaintance. Say, have you perchance met the good Duke Enthainon?
Translation: "Lord" Arvareen, you look every bit like the fat cow I was told you were. I am gonna humiliate you now, for you are not of sufficient rank to know the host, Duke Enthainon.

:D Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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Dozus's comment on 2007-10-17 10:26 AM
Heh, great! In spite of the silliness, I see this as a tool sought after by negotiators and royal messengers worldwide. Even if it isn't terribly intelligent, they could use it as a teacher to silver their own tongues. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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Murometz's comment on 2007-10-17 10:24 PM
Heh, this one is amusing. Great concept! I also like's Dozus' "silver-tongue-ing" idea, and AG's brutally honest counterpart :) Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Murometz's comment on 2012-02-23 10:32 PM


Fix corectness into correctness, will ya?


Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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Murometz's comment on 2012-02-23 11:17 PM
not a joke...he just spelled it wrong in the title. Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-23 11:10 PM
One of us isn't getting the joke Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-24 05:05 AM
I guess you just doubled down Go to Comment
Translator of Political Corectness
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valadaar's comment on 2007-10-18 08:01 AM
Quite amusing!

Sorta C3PO ish. Go to Comment
Silly Items
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2007-10-19 03:54 PM
I (an individual Barbarian Hordling, not the whole Horde) almost died when I read the command word for the Ring of Tackiness.

If I could, I'd give this a 4.5. Go to Comment
Silly Items
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
manfred's comment on 2007-10-17 03:55 AM
The Water Scroll

(The scroll with mighty water locked inside.)

Upon opening and reading the single word inscribed on the scroll ("Water" in arcane tongue), the caster gets a bucket full of it right into the face.

The effect comes directly from the scroll, but always hits the caster, it cannot be evaded. The scroll is always a bit wet, but in good condition otherwise.


This makes for a nice practical joke, but may be useful if you are catching on fire, or need refreshment equivalent to a shampoo/drink/chewing gum from a TV commercial. Handy in the desert, too!

(And if you think now of a scroll named "Fire", that burns your fingers instead of casting the desired spell, that's been done already. :) ) Go to Comment
Silly Items
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
manfred's comment on 2007-10-17 04:09 AM
Actual Game:

A PC finds a scroll, and as he cannot read, he hands it to another character, without looking at it. The PC has a look, looks surprised, then very glad, and then puts the scroll right into his pack.
"Alright, we can go."
"And what was on it?"
"Err... nothing important. Should we go left or right now? I think we better..."
"WAIT! What was on that scroll?!"
"Oh, it's not interesting. Now, ..."


After some talking the finder was allowed to see the scroll, and decided to keep it. He showed it later to a third character, who claimed for a moment it was misplaced, yet returned it at last.

All happened without any intervention, or intentional manipulation of the GM.

With this I present:


The Cursed Scroll of Phorn

This old-looking piece of parchment depicts several erotic scenes, masterfully painted and in extremely vivid colours. Those looking at it cannot help themselves, but say words like "Ohhh..." or "Hmmmm..." and keep it, not allowing others to look at it or even give to someone else. (Needs an Int. save, or merely the statement of a PC that it will be kept).

If the scroll is actually enchanted, the "pictures" change according to the viewer's personal preferences, otherwise it is for humans' tastes.

The scroll may cause its owner to spend large amounts of time with it alone, and be not willing to share it with anyone. It could break a group if more than one member knows about it, or somehow finds out, as usually more people want it at once. It could also fatally distract a lonely character while guarding his sleepy comrades, or being alone in some dangerous place.


The scroll is NOT magical, enchanted or cursed in any way. :) Go to Comment
Silly Items
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
manfred's comment on 2007-10-17 04:11 AM
The Bloodthirsty Sword

Another miscreation from magic users that simply try too hard. Attempting to create another super-weapon, it failed to grow in power in exchange for blood.


The longsword is finely balanced, and has good bonuses both to-hit and to damage caused. If it comes into contact with blood, it soaks it up like a sponge. Unfortunately, it does not grow in power afterwards, it only _grows_. While it does not grow very much, the growth ruins its edge and significantly reduces the damage caused. Barely noticeable at first, the user will soon find that bloody combat transforms it into a nicely shaped steel club. The effect reverts after several days, or after "drying" it close to fire.


(There is probably a limit on the amount of blood it can soak up, though no one has tried yet. But massive quantities will certainly cause it to grow too large, and become too brittle, and breaking it would destroy its magic. A way to distill it might be researched, for purposes like transporting the blood of certain creatures.) Go to Comment
Silly Items
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
manfred's comment on 2007-10-17 04:14 AM
That Stupid Lighter

The lighter used to have a very useful function: the first two strokes produce little sparks, but the third lights any item the user concentrates on. And it was useful to its owner and creator, until the old, absent-minded wizard tried to light his pipe, while reading an ancient parchment. Of course, he was just intensely concentrated on the wrong item, and the precious document was set aflame! He cursed the lighter and threw out of his window, and tried to save his other papers. The lighter has had many owners ever since, and most have thrown it away sooner or later.


The power: with the third stroke, the lighter lights randomly either the thing its user concentrates on most, or second such thing. If in doubt, use the last thing in immediate surroundings the person payed attention to. It is not rare for a person the user just talked to start mildly burning (or at least their clothes, rarely the hair or backpack).

*spark* *spark* "... what, nothing?"
"Heheh, doesn't work?"
*sniff* *sniff* "...but something burns... hey, that's YOU!"
"What? Not me... aaaaaAAAHH!" *rolls madly around*



The lighter can light only flammable materials (flammable under normal conditions, of course). The flame starts small, though it can spread like any fire. Go to Comment
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