What's a "DR"?
Unlike the Foolblade, the D&D stats are pretty transparent in this item. No points deducted for that.
But where'd the backstory go?! It's entire history is unknown?! Who is this Trevor guy?

3/5. Go to Comment

I hadn't realized this is a rules-generic site. I'll try to keep that in mind.

I reworked the history for you all, especially why the sword is called Trevor's Folly.

And for the record, I meant Damage Reduction when I typed in DR. Go to Comment

DefenseRating...
DnD does not make armor reduce the damage you suffer, it just makes you harder to hit. Unlike say GURPS which makes armor encumber you but improves your defense rolls and reduces the damage you suffer, or DSA which makes you an easier target when wearing armor, but also reduces the damage you suffer, DnD armors have but three stats - DefenseRating, check penalty and classification (Light, meduium, heavy).

As for the item - not a bad idea, but fleshed out, it could become excellent. While it is OK for the players not to know the history of an item, the GM should be fully familiarr with it. Go to Comment

Intresting-a sword that harms it's weilder as well as the target.It lacks a good backstory though. Who made it? A wizard-assassin, to ensure that the king or noble who was his target would die in battle? Somebody who hated weapons and the warriors who use them, and this blade is his way of getting his own back? Maybe it was a cursed item placed in a noble's tomb to punish those who rob the tomb.I could come up with a great story about the orgin of this blade if you would let me. 3/5 Go to Comment

If you meant this as a cursed item, or as punishment for those who seek power without thought, I think you succeeded brilliantly, and you can ignore the rest of this.

However the history of the items seems to me like it was meant to allow for a noble sacrifice, ‘a warrior going to certain death, with the hope that he can save the town’ idea, and I think that the martyr's blade doesn’t fill this roll particularly well because no matter the skill of the wielder it only tips the odds further against him.

Ex. 

 - With a truly exceptional amount of luck a commoner could theoretically beat a dragon with a sharp stick. With this weapon, the commoner would just die after his first swing.

 - While using a traditional weapon, a knight easily subdues a few bandits. With this weapon, the knight may still win but even that is a little chancy

I do think that an item like this could be a beneficial magical item to have but it would require a little tinkering, I think the first thing I would do would make it so that it deals more (if only slightly) damage to the target than to the wielder, or maybe some percent base like deals 10% of max health to target and user so as to balance against greater skill/power.

I do think this was a good sub and don’t mean to put you down, just some things that came to mind. In any case I will probably use this item in both capacities.

Go to Comment

I think this may just be a misunderstanding of context.

If you meant this as a cursed item, or as punishment for those who seek power without thought, I think you succeeded brilliantly, and you can ignore the rest of this.

However the history of the items seems to me like it was meant to allow for a noble sacrifice, ‘a warrior going to certain death, with the hope that he can save the town’ idea, and I think that the martyr's blade doesn’t fill this roll particularly well because no matter the skill of the wielder it only tips the odds further against him.

Ex. 

 - With a truly exceptional amount of luck a commoner could theoretically beat a dragon with a sharp stick. With this weapon, the commoner would just die after his first swing.

 - While using a traditional weapon, a knight easily subdues a few bandits. With this weapon, the knight may still win but even that is a little chancy

I do think that an item like this could be a beneficial magical item to have but it would require a little tinkering, I think the first thing I would do would make it so that it deals more (if only slightly) damage to the target than to the wielder, or maybe some percent base like deals 10% of max health to target and user so as to balance against greater skill/power.

I do think this was a good sub and don’t mean to put you down, just some things that came to mind. In any case I will probably use this item in both capacities.

Go to Comment

I think this may just be a misunderstanding of context.

If you meant this as a cursed item, or some sort of punishment for those who seek power without thought, I think you succeeded brilliantly, and you can ignore the rest of this.

However the history of the items seems to me like it was meant to allow for a noble sacrifice, ‘a warrior going to certain death, with the hope that he can save the town’ idea, and I think that the martyr's blade doesn’t fill this roll particularly well because no matter the skill of the wielder it only tips the odds further against him.

Ex. 

 - With a truly exceptional amount of luck a commoner could theoretically beat a dragon with a sharp stick. With this weapon, the commoner would just die after his first swing.

 - While using a traditional weapon, a knight easily subdues a few bandits. With this weapon, the knight may still win but even that is a little chancy

I do think that an item like this could be a beneficial magical item to have but it would require a little tinkering, I think the first thing I would do would make it so that it deals more (if only slightly) damage to the target than to the wielder, or maybe some percent base like deals 10% of max health to target and user so as to balance against greater skill/power.

I do think this was a good sub and don’t mean to put you down, just some things that came to mind. In any case I will probably use this item in both capacities.

 

Go to Comment

Boring background. Ooh, a wizard made it! No drama.
So.... What is the "Quickdraw" feat? What does "+3" mean? "Wounding and keen abilities"? What are Bull's Strength and Bear's Endurance, and what would a 15th level caster be able to do with those?
It's fine that you give these powers, and I could probably figure it out, if I wanted to, but the point I mean to make is that this is a non-system site, and if you intend to include D&D stats, please don't make them the main focus. You could just as easily have given us the abilities of it and then provided D&D numbers in parentheses.

3/5. Go to Comment

Well, Captain I don't think that the "+3" part is hard to figure out in any way. Other than that, you're propably right.

Magical weapons just are created by mages, you must face it. But yeah, the background could do with boosting. Why was he blackmailed to do it? Why did he do a sword like that? What were the consequences of making the said sword, if there were any?

I liked the cross-translation part.

3/5 Go to Comment

Revamped the salient abilities in general terms while leaving D&D stuff there.

My fiction writing needs work, apparently. Though I like EchoMirage's poem.

I'll think on it and keep you posted. Go to Comment

Well I guess - someone say captured the wizard's familiar, a tiny pet demonette, an easy target, much unlike the wizard himself. It might have been a burly warrior, always ready to chop something down.
Well then, wrote to the mage: "You, crafty sage, make me a sword, a good one at that, make it swift, or your demon is dead."
So the wizard, true to word, made a blade, made it a sword, fit to take on an orcish horde, or plundering the dragon's hoard.
Yet speak he did, so secretly "a fool you were, a fool you'll be, a wondrous fool, for all to see."

Well, according to DnD stats this is VERY powerful, and such a powerful item'd deserve more than a few lines of text.
Moral of the story? Don't anger wizards unless you have to. It tends to get ugly. Go to Comment

the better the swordsman/woman the stupider the blade should make them, so the best swordsman in the country ends up as stupid as Bush. Go to Comment

I play D&D so i understand what it does. Shouldn't be that difficult to make your own version: a very powerfull magic sword that weakens the mind of the user. Your story however is weak. Maybe combine it with the Hero's Blade also in this list? It is indeed a fitting cursed item, especially if the character trough circumstances is forced to use the item. On the other hand, i know enough "role"players who would use this sword even if they know the curse.... Go to Comment

Oops, sorry: 4.2/5 Go to Comment

I see angry power hungery PCs in the near future..... Go to Comment

As others have said, it is a decent enough item with a negligible backstory. Better then a generic cursed sword, but could have been a lot better. Go to Comment

This isn't a bad item, but there are some things about it that I would change.

I would prefer to make this item scale with the power of the warrior wielding it. In the hands of a novice swordsman, it might display its lesser powers, only coming into its full abilities when in the hands of a legendary hero.

The reason that I would want its power reduced is that I would also prefer to reduce its curse's potency. While a potent curse of idiocy is interesting, I prefer curses that can be overcome with heroic effort. It shouldn't be easy to defeat the curse, but having a curse that can't even be broken by the wielder's death seems a bit harsh. Go to Comment

Interesting...

Here's a tip for newcomers to the Citadel:
If we point out issues we have with your submission (character or otherwise) it is better not to edit your submission. It's better just to remember the constructive (I stress constructive) criticism for next time, so that your next submission will be that much better. Go to Comment

Vague vague vague.
This character's backstory is very vague.
Vague pretty much describes it.
Flesh out the backstory, give him more depth. Add more personality, if you could.
Final verdict...

3/5. Go to Comment

Hey, I understand perfectly krichi... I mean krachui... I mean...
Whatever your name is! Go to Comment