Interestingly, it has the feel of the really old Arthur tales, both good and bad, light on the whys. Some of the things Merlin did not seem to make sense with what was described in the tale.
So, it was a nice sword that resisted being turned to junk by the Wizard, and then to stop the battle (since it would I guess cause lots of collateral damage?) this third party sucked himself, the knight and the evil wizard into the blade?
Now the blade will draw energy to the trapped Evil Wizard, while the 'good' wizard will try and stop this by strengthening the wielder's tie to the weapon?
before he attained the long ears, he was rather mischievious. he would toss behives in to open windows and cut part of ropes you know typically teenage pranks. but after words he still had the mischief but to a lessor extent, because now a strong wind will knock him off balance.
as a fighter he is fairly chivalrus he always looks after the little guy, especially those picked on because of diformities, and is now very vengfull, and depending on what is said will snap on must people about his ears.
he will also never strike on anyone that doesn't first strike on him.
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Way, way, waaaaaaaaaaay overpowered.
I'm not sure if I'm feelin' the story either. But, y'know, whatever.
It isn't totally far gone, and the author has shown interest in improving it, so I'll give it a...
I would give it a 2/5, it has many redeeming qualities.
Okay lets try the constructive criticism route.
1)Format: Put an extra return between paragraphs as it is a huge boost in readability.
2)The story is huge and mythic... great for a story, but awful for an rpg.
2b)Inserting this as a background piece in the world, as the world is waiting for "the choosen one". So as just a piece of color in the world, that will have no bearing upon the campaign then it is merely okay. Maybe you might enter the temple looking for something else.
2c)Inserting this into a game would require one person to be "the choosen one", who would then overshadow everyone else because he has the uber weapon. Lets do an example... Elric and Stormbringer. Name anyone else along for the ride besides MoonGlum (and kudos if you remember him). You can't. Why? Because they are the two epic powers. Remember that you won't have just one player, and most players do not like to be continuously second or third bannana.
2d) If you give this to an NPC, you have just made the PCs extras in their own campaign... as the wielder and the sword become the important parts of this world.
3) So the weapon can auto kill, resurect, and can judge people? If that is not uberpowerful, then either we are all reading it wrong or perhaps the way you have presented it is not clear.
3b) Actually the powers and the use of the weapon are ill defined. Except when judging, it is a normal sword. When it is not judging. More details and explanations please. Go to Comment
First of all, i'd like to say Congrats on yer first post, and welcome to the citadel, Knight. Now! On to the item.
In terms of spelling and grammar, not too bad - perhaps you should read over some of the things you write to make sure it fits, but all in all, it's not bad.
I agree completely with Moonhunters no.2 point - I enjoyed reading of the battle between the two great powers, and seeing Corus's own sword turn against him. This is a great historical item with a mythological background - I could see drunken 'heros' talking about it in taverns. But this is never the weapon that could ever be wielded by a player, or their enemies. The sword should always be there, but there should never be a chosen one. It's nice as a physical aid to a religion, perhaps.
Now, there IS an interesting 'curse' to the weapon that you could play on: Judgement doesn't care who is wielding it - it judges both sides of the party. If in the first two instances a 'hero' uses that sword and is found on the 'innocent' side, he might start getting a bit cocky. If he then is so arrogant as to think that he could mow through a third enemy when he could easily spare that creatures life and go around it without it knowing, the judgement might find the hero as a sinner. And since it is so powerful, there is no 'second chances' in this. You make the wrong choice, you die. The end.
So anyway, definitely too powerful, but it shows some promise, nonetheless.
I hope you like this idea for a weapon. just wanting to say that it doesn't have to always be a bastard sword but can also work well as a katana, but large or short swords draw away to much speed and that is exactly what Judgment needs to function right, because fate strikes fast if you cross it the wrong way. ~~ Go to Comment