I especially liked the intro and the backstory, but, unfortunately, you didn't give enough details. You gave us the bare minimum to be able to use the Pierces in our games, but we usually like a little bit more to work with.
For instance, who was it that "recovered" the star-metal in the first place? How did Gavin Ferrig get his hands on it? Did he just buy it off the street? Was it given to him because of his skill as a smith?
You might also think about giving us one or two plot hooks, some ideas as to exactly how we could fit the Pierces into our games.
I still like it, though. And Welcome to the Citadel, kleric! Go to Comment
I would definitely emphasis the background and other unique aspects to the item as opposed to the D20 specific nature. As it stands it is a feat-on-a-stick item which makes it a bit too specific to D20.
There is a lively debate here about the line between system specific and generic items but the general concensus is that you should be able to fully understand the item without having to refer to a specific set of rules.
It is quite possible that there are game systems where the thief/rogue subtype does not have a special attack from behind capability, though I cannot immediately recall one :)
If the item were perhaps coached to injure the undead as it would when they were in life, then that becomes less system specific. Now you can cause bleeding criticals (rolemaster), D20-style back attacks or other special attacks that depend on functioning human-ish anatomy.
But welcome aboard and thanks for your submission - I do like the idea of the item. Go to Comment
Well I thought about making it add damage to undead by anyone wielding it, but then it'd just become some sort of "undead-bane" weapon. Instead, it's a weapon usable by rogue-types to enhance undead combating abilities, all in the name and glory of the sun god. Go to Comment