Okay, do me a favor, will you? Will you hit edit submission, scroll down, then start reading what you wrote OUT LOUD. I want you to insert all the words that you missed, then I want you to correct all the wrong words you used. You should have to read it out loud about three times.
This is a really good idea wrapped up in some crappy writing. If someone hasn't shot your last few English teachers, someone should think about pulling their tenure. Go to Comment
Its fail safe is that It stops working after 10 minutes. But the user can Re activate it
The second its activated it takes the 4 years from you, you you mine as well use it while you got it.
It won't activate ^^ for people who don't age, or die by old age. It needs your life force to activate, and in people who dont age, there is no life force.
A person can have it with them without it activating. Go to Comment
Oh I like this one!!! Can it show what number is coming up on the dice before you roll them????? LOL!!!! Does it allow enough time to place a bet on the ponies???? LOL!!!
This is a really great idea!! Go to Comment
Well, if you edit it again, I'll hold my vote off until then.
Currently, the english is rather bad, and I'd want to know why this particular Sphinx's death put out the gods enough for them to intercede. Go to Comment
Perhaps placing this back into your "in work" area and giving it an over haul grammar/wording wise would be good. (btw is English not your primary language? if not that explains some of the problem)
It has promise but needs a serious over haul. Nice try so far though, give it an edit and I'll happily re-vote Go to Comment
It's definitely a good try, and its fairly creative, but it needs a lot of polish. You really need to spell out the effects more. What if you use it for 30 seconds? Does it still take 4 years, the same as if you used it for 30 minutes? Seems like it would be better as a gradual thing, as in you age a year for every 30 minutes, expressed as a rate instead of a flat number (which equals 48 days per minute, or .8 days per second - Of course you could adjust the rate to clean up these numbers, if you felt like it.) And yeah, it also seems like immortals (or those with really long lives) would get a lot of benefit from this item with little to no sacrifice. If this is not the case, specify that the rate depends on the creatures lifespan, or that it won't work for immortals. Thanks.
Edit: Plus, the grammar and writing style needs a lot of work, too. Go to Comment
Items (Other) (Magical)
Then I want you to run the spell check.
Then we will try this again. Go to Comment