Okay, do me a favor, will you? Will you hit edit submission, scroll down, then start reading what you wrote OUT LOUD. I want you to insert all the words that you missed, then I want you to correct all the wrong words you used. You should have to read it out loud about three times.
Oh I like this one!!! Can it show what number is coming up on the dice before you roll them????? LOL!!!! Does it allow enough time to place a bet on the ponies???? LOL!!!
This is a really great idea!! Go to Comment
It's definitely a good try, and its fairly creative, but it needs a lot of polish. You really need to spell out the effects more. What if you use it for 30 seconds? Does it still take 4 years, the same as if you used it for 30 minutes? Seems like it would be better as a gradual thing, as in you age a year for every 30 minutes, expressed as a rate instead of a flat number (which equals 48 days per minute, or .8 days per second - Of course you could adjust the rate to clean up these numbers, if you felt like it.) And yeah, it also seems like immortals (or those with really long lives) would get a lot of benefit from this item with little to no sacrifice. If this is not the case, specify that the rate depends on the creatures lifespan, or that it won't work for immortals. Thanks.
Edit: Plus, the grammar and writing style needs a lot of work, too. Go to Comment