In the interest of helping a newer member, I'm going to post and vote upon this. Hopefully my advice will be taken to heart.
1) Run the post through a spell checker. Yes, it takes an extra 30 seconds, however, it can make a post that much more readable.
2) Work on your grammar. Some of the tenses are mixed and jumbled, and that alone will take a full point off your rating.
3) While I think that he has potential as a character, at the moment he just seems...Lifeless. He's there, he has the big bad weapon, and he has the special abilities. What he doesn't really seem to have is anything more than a superficial background. What, for example, are the Lost Treasures of the Dragonwright? What is the Church of the Black Rose? What the heck is the Dragonwright anyway? These are things that you might know, but we have no clue who or what they are. Explain explain explain. Go to Comment
"Binding the Life Coil" is an ancient quasi-mystical technique rediscovered to prolong one's life at the expense of one reproductive ability. It is a simple magikal technique that anyone can learn (a skill or feat). The promise of near immortality or a lifespan of a thousand years or more makes everyone want to learn it.
This technique has a price though, the amount of immortality is in direct response to the strength of ones reproductive spirit. Those that have never breed will live longer than those that have. The use of the technique makes conception difficult, if not impossible. So you trade the future of your society for the chance for you to see much of that future.
Ideas ( System ) | May 28, 2003 |