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Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-02-27 11:54 PM
Mourn took my post. He did. But he does not have to give it back. Somebody else should be posting all of that by now.

In addition my selected advice for this post is much like your other ones, so here is the cut and paste.

The idea behind the item is a good one. It makes sense. It is however poorly executed. Punch up the description some, make the sections 'flow together' more, and change the into box (it is not about the item and detracts from the post greatly (put that text in italics at the bottom of the post if you have to keep it).

This also sounds like a 'classic enchantment', something that would be 'on the books' but not regularly made (kind of like a ring of spider climbing or boots of squeeky floors). You should write it up from that angle. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-02-27 04:15 PM
Just for the record, I am never going to play NWN, just like the Captain isnt going to play Dungeons and Dragons. This post is too short and as Mourngrymn says it needs a better description, and backstory. It is too open ended and lacking in detail.

+.5 points for inspiring Mourn's posting Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-03-02 04:50 PM
The rewrite is good, having addressed the question of lack of detail as well as giving powers in terms in addition to the stats. Good follow up. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-02-27 01:00 PM
-1 for stats and -1 for no backstory.This could have been so much better. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2006-02-27 02:16 PM
I am not going to vote yet on this.

I know what this item was made for so I know the reason why it was written this way. Fen, I am glad that you are placing your stuff here from your NWN (Never Winter Nights for the laymen) stories here. It is a great addition to the site for you to get your creative influences and ideas out for your gamers as wel las some of us to possibly become interested in seeing for ourselves firsthand on what some of this looks like in a game such as NWN.

However. To make it a worthy submission for the Strolen's Citadel standards, it must have a certain amount of information and detail to it to make us want to read it.

Backstory: To include history, myth, lore, conversations, anything about the item other than its description and use.
Description: This describes the item to the best of your ability. Include as many details about it as you can leaving nothing out. Remember, while you know what it looks like, we don't.
Properties: This is important to not use specific terms in game stats. No +1 to this, or +5% to that. This is a freeform and relatively setting free place, not all of us play the same games so it must be generic. If it gives a +1 bonus to hit, say it gives a slightly better chance to it while using it.

For instance. You said this bow was made my the bones of a troll and that a bard built it. Ok lets see where we could go with that. This is just somethign I threw together so bear with me. I had some ideas that I liked about it and may use them for myself if they are not used here.

Description: The bone bow is crafted from the pocked marked bone of a troll, the femure to be exact. The yellow and white bone having been scraped and polished to remove any after flesh from the previous owner. The strength of the bow is rather strong, considering it is dried bone and normally brittle. It has been known to parry the blow from an angered troll, possibly a relative to the bone's previous owner.

The bow is approximately 4' long while strung, making only taller than average characters able to use with ease. A tufft of ragged hair hangs from the top of the bow, a testimate to the bones owner and it's pride in it's long hair.

When the bow is used a delicate hum issues forth from the sting as if from a lute or harp. The bard who originally crafted the bone bow used a few of his own harp strings to put the finishing touches to make it work. The string is thin yet durable, able to be tested by the strongest of users without worrying the tention.

Properties: When used, the weilder of the bow feels stronger, able to pull the bow back that extra inch to gain a little more distance or punching power. This only transfers over to the use of the bow and when not used, they feel as they always do.

A special feature of the bow is that is requires no arrows, instead when the string is pulled back taunt, an arrow knocks itself. Each arrow that appears however, looks as if it was made of bone as well yet punching through metal armor as a normal arrow would.

A downside to using this bow however is it makes the weilder slower to think and act. They have a hard time concentrating on the simplests of tasks and difficult and complex tasks and equations frustrate them quickly. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2006-02-27 02:18 PM
Damn I actually like what I wrote after reading it. I needs some work but could be fleshed out into a wonderful submission I think. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2006-02-28 07:58 AM
Well if it isn't used here I wil ldefinately use it and flesh it out as my own. I had a few more ideas to put to it and seems ot be a rather interesting item now that I have thought on it. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Murometz's comment on 2006-03-02 04:58 PM
Fenix, way to go. What Scras said! Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
chilled's comment on 2006-05-26 04:28 AM
i think that you shouldn't have put the stats in, but on the whole i like it. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2006-10-18 01:37 PM
Not bad, if a little inconsistent (The bard who made the item is forgotten, but two of his party members are known.)

As said by others (and from my own experinces), delete the stats completely and just leave the verbal descriptions of it's effects. Go to Comment
Bone Bow
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Ted's comment on 2012-10-03 07:51 AM
Voted higher than I normally would just to spite those who would vote low because of in-game stats. Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
CaptainPenguin's comment on 2006-02-27 08:13 PM
For the record, I instantly thought you were female.. Not sure why. Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-02-27 11:51 PM
The idea behind the item is a good one. It makes sense. It is however poorly executed. Punch up the description some, make the sections 'flow together' more, and change the into box (it is not about the item and detracts from the post greatly (put that text in italics at the bottom of the post if you have to keep it).

This also sounds like a 'classic enchantment', something that would be 'on the books' but not regularly made (kind of like a ring of spider climbing or boots of squeeky floors). You should write it up from that angle.


Vote to be boosted when you edit the post. Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-02 07:16 PM
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Iain's comment on 2006-03-03 06:20 AM
Great update Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Nobody's comment on 2006-02-28 03:25 AM
Its the name CP. I don't know why, but the name gives her gender away. At first I had not read the name, and I thought she was a man (cause just about everybody it) but then I read who posted it and immediately realized that she was in fact a female. Maybe it's the misspelling of Pheonix (really awesome creature by the way) that gives it away... I don't know.

OK. So about the post (had to get to that eventually). Add names. I realize why you use "(insert some famous magic user name here)" but it is already assumed that DM's will change the names to protect the innocent.

And why a troll's intestines? How does a trolls intestines make it easier for a mage to enchant? does he have to cast a less potent spell? Why not a normal ring. It would obviously sell better. And before you go replying to me about how yes it does make the spell easier, don't tell me in the comments...fix it. I need to see why this item is the way it is in the post.

Sonce you are new here, and I support new people on the site, I will give you a better grade...not really, that was just a joke.

But seriously, this has some potential, but it needs that potential to be filled. Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Nobody's comment on 2006-02-28 04:01 AM
Well actually Murometz, she has fallen prey to the three post folly, which is simply stated: if you put all your Ideas up at once, then you don't have any constructive criticism to work with for any of them. If you space them out a little, then you get feedback from the first post in time to improve the second and third and so-on. Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-02-27 04:17 PM
Lets wrap ourselves in troll guts made by (insert mage's name)

Thank you, no. Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-03-02 03:25 PM
Now I am begining to really like this Sigrin fellow, he's sick in the head and resourceful. 1/5 improved to a 3/5 Go to Comment
Troll Belt
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-02-27 12:59 PM
Ewwwwwww! Go to Comment
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