*wonder's what an athiest's idol would take the form of* Go to Comment

To my mind this reads a bit more like a society rather than a plot, so maybe it should have been posted there, but Ill not hold that against you.

Other than that I find myself agreeing with all of the above.

A pretty good first post with lots of potential. I look forward to seeing more of ideas.

Ill score it 3½ / 5 I think. A little more detail would certainly have earned you a 4, or perhaps even a 4½.

Keep up the good work. Go to Comment

Eerie cults run by weird sorcerers are always welcome in my book. :D

I like the idols. They're appropriately vague, effective for any setting. Ifrengal seems an interesting character. I'd love to read more about him. Why is he a master of sorcerery? Why does he have this desire to control people so? Background on him would be pretty sweet.

I'd like some more detail on the cult itself as well. What kind of pitches do the Shithiran use? How do they deal with existing religious groups? What exactly is Na'Shithiran? This kind of detail would really work well for this sub.

As a first sub, this one's got great potential. I won't vote just yet, but I'd be happy to once you can work out some more of this detail. Hope to see lots more like this, epsilon! :D Go to Comment

I promised five years ago to vote once you edited it, and now I shall fulfill that promise!

I like this. You did a great job expounding the the questions we offered. A neat little plot. Go to Comment

Nicely atmospheric! Also, what they all said! Go to Comment

A few minor grammatical problems, but I like it. As Dozus said, eerie cults run by weird sorcerers are always welcome! Go to Comment

Love the idea - feels vaguely Doctor Whoish - I will wait to see if you expand it based on the other feedback before voting. Go to Comment

Voted...
Not bad! Go to Comment

Thanks all If only my fingers worked as quickly as my mind :) Id answer all your questions. For now let me say I have already started to edit my local copy, I will refresh as time permits. It turned out allot better than I anticipated and I feel, with your encouragement, its worthy of some polish.
I had "stolen" certain characters from a current campaign I'm running and yes Ifrengal is one of my "pops up" on various occasions villain. Starting life as a background filler NPC a few campaigns ago he has matured into a classic returning villain. (my players shudder when I drop his name) :)

Alas I waffle.
I intend to answer your thoughts, after I have had some of my own.
Cheers
and yes feel free to point the submission to a better local, Im still learning the citadel labyrinth.
As for grammar, my humble apologies, you should have seen it before I ran it through word:) I will do better. Go to Comment

Updated: Added some detail and a little polish. Go to Comment

Updated: fixed freetext Go to Comment