I also want to learn more, assuming your done posting what story you had.
What where the swords used for before? What makes them heirlooms? How did Hathil prove his fighting skills? If he's the head ranger, why doesn't he have some rangers under his command? Do both swords do the same thing or do they have seperate powers? Are the swords good? How can you tell and evil sword from a good one? Do swords that are good or evil have to be intelligent, have a soul, concience or otherwise; or can inanimate objects be good or evil? Will these swords scorch evil rocks or twigs? Go to Comment
I'm just happy these swords don't kill anything in one strike.
I just want to know more about the background of the item. Good submissions are thought out, they have stories surrounding them. They aren't something just smacked out on a keyboard in between classes. Take some time to develope ideas and the submissions will show how much better that time was spent. Go to Comment
Woah! Elfkin! Chill, man, chill! (Here comes my blanket metaphor again)
Think of it like this:
These swords are a blanket that you are weaving. It's a nice blanket, but there are some places where, maybe, you slipped up a little bit and left a hole, allright? When we give you criticisms on the item, we're helping you to patch up your blanket to make it even better! Go to Comment
Look, my writing skills need no improving though I was in a rush, I apologise myself for my lack of details but I shall do my best to correct my faults.
The staff is harmful as a stick when hit repeatitely on the target. The target will get hurt.
Um, have you ever had your liver burnt to a crisp inside your own living body? I doubt it's pleasant. Go to Comment
And the dragons and griffins are aware of their controle though they are like puppets and are helpless. They will be veangefull to the one who put controle over them when the controle reaches it's end. But most times, the wielder is running far away before the end of the enchantement. Go to Comment
I think the poisoning of the father line needs strengthening though.
What poison were the orcs using?
Where did they get it?
Stuff along that line.
Could develop into a good villian behind the scenes if set up well and ensure that it makes more sense why behing poisoned by orcs requires an epic quest. Might be a quest to find out what poison was used in the first place by capturing the person behind the orcs...etc. Go to Comment
This is an interesting plot hook. It can even be used in a game not using the specifics. (Who is that peasant who begged the adventurers to help him on this quest? A heck of a lot more than he seems.) And if the players don't join up with him, they might find that staff first, and he'll want to take it away.
And, of course, even if his father recovers, the prince might just disappear so he can marry his girlfriend. Naturally, his bodyguards/advisors/father will simply not understand. ... Or maybe someone he trusts does, and encourages him to elope. And then while he's gone, the close friend seizes power. Or something. Anyway. Me likes. Go to Comment
Thank you miss Hawk, the peasant is named Joseph. A corrupted soul aidding the orcish king to get the staff first. In his mind the death of the king means thhat the land will be weakened. When the black king Vlame(Orcish king) attacks the country of Conqaz, Joseph wil be granted kingship and the love of Ranfral as his prize. Go to Comment