How did this one escape our notice for so long? Who also voted for this thing, all these times and so high. Who ever they are, they need to have their voting privlages revoked.
A couple of things besides the obvious of "too short", not enough description, about as interesting as drying paint...
There is no plot, no drama, and no hook to this character. Nothing to make this character more than a cypher.
At least your English skills are better than PAR.
I want you to think about the Gold Standard:
If the character (item/ setting/ plot) is not as well described or as well developed as a character (item/ setting/ plot) in a novel (excluding horrible game fic novels), then it is not yet ready to be posted. If it is not the equal of said characters, then you need to do more work on it. Go to Comment
This character has an interesting story, but it needs more explaining. Explain why the mage gave him the armor, or how the armor was given it's name. Explain how he lived those early years in the wild with nothing but the shirt on his back, and maybe a utility knife to defend himself against the various beasts in the woodlands. If you add more explenations it will give your character personality. =) Not bad for a first try. Go to Comment
I echo MoonHunter's decrying the number of votes compared to the number of comments. When those young nomads who have but little skill or writing sense when they wander into our Citadel, we should encourage even their weak efforts and try to hone their skills, difficult as it may be. Who knows what potential talent was lost when someone's first submission gets a low vote and they leave without hope?
I'm as guilty as the rest, but I hope in the decade(!) since devblu posted this, we've gotten better as a writing community. Go to Comment
AutoMedon – A mechanical poet of renown not for his vast catalog of poetry, but for his complete lack of anything written or spoken, having had no output in his programmed profession. His creator is unknown or at least unaccredited, and there are those in great number in the artistic world who wonder and marvel at his inability to produce poetry, crediting that flaw to his creator who is unknown or at least un-credited. There is also a small faction of scholars who believe that when he finally, finally speaks, it will be the most beautiful or sorrowful verse ever spoke or will ever be spoken. Whether his creator is among either group or dead is unknown. AutoMedon sits alone under a tin roofed enclosure, upon a stone chair, with his gaze off in the distant as if thinking.
“It’s strange to look at this mechanical man and think what thoughts are working through its’ workings or even if the damn thing is” – Aralis of Qurim, poet and pottery salesman