How did this one escape our notice for so long? Who also voted for this thing, all these times and so high. Who ever they are, they need to have their voting privlages revoked.
A couple of things besides the obvious of "too short", not enough description, about as interesting as drying paint...
There is no plot, no drama, and no hook to this character. Nothing to make this character more than a cypher.
At least your English skills are better than PAR.
I want you to think about the Gold Standard:
If the character (item/ setting/ plot) is not as well described or as well developed as a character (item/ setting/ plot) in a novel (excluding horrible game fic novels), then it is not yet ready to be posted. If it is not the equal of said characters, then you need to do more work on it. Go to Comment
This character has an interesting story, but it needs more explaining. Explain why the mage gave him the armor, or how the armor was given it's name. Explain how he lived those early years in the wild with nothing but the shirt on his back, and maybe a utility knife to defend himself against the various beasts in the woodlands. If you add more explenations it will give your character personality. =) Not bad for a first try. Go to Comment
I echo MoonHunter's decrying the number of votes compared to the number of comments. When those young nomads who have but little skill or writing sense when they wander into our Citadel, we should encourage even their weak efforts and try to hone their skills, difficult as it may be. Who knows what potential talent was lost when someone's first submission gets a low vote and they leave without hope?
I'm as guilty as the rest, but I hope in the decade(!) since devblu posted this, we've gotten better as a writing community. Go to Comment
While travelling near the edge of a forest the air is filled with the wailing of battle horns. Soon a large group of mounted cavalry will gallop by in a panicked rush. Some will spot the party and shout "Flee! Flee for your very lives!"
Several minutes later, hundreds of running infantrymen will be spotted. A large group of white clad knights fiercely chanting a battle song is in full pursuit. One of the white knights carries a banner of a white horse on a black background. The horse is rearing under a gold crown, indicating the presence of the Paladin Prince. As the horrified infantrymen struggle to flee into the forest, the zealots charge into their midst and cut them down by the tens and hundreds.