not a bad idea, i think it shows a lot of promise, keep at it and maybe it will turn into a grand piece, heres a few questions that i thought of to help you maybe put sum more into it.
why do they eat people(race history)?
does it have any other likenesses?
who r the legend busters, maybe u shud write a seperate submisssion on them, the name sounds ... intrigueing..., n i wouldnt mind seeing a sub about them sum time, you mind if i try, n then we could put in a joint submission?
Okay, there might be a grain of a good idea here(I do have a thing for giant plant monsters, having submitted a few), but the presentation of this sub is very below par. Your first sub was much better written and spellchecked then this one.
This needs to be put back in work and corrected. Since you have already submitted a better sub then this one already, it shows you can. Please do, and I'll vote.
Chilled: even in comments we would prefer non-chat speach. The main site code of conduct says it best - pleaas don't use L33t! Go to Comment
A simple item, with a well-reasoned purpose that is useful for more than its original owner - what is not to like? To try to give it compact size and a unique background is certainly not a flaw. Yes, some polishing is in order, but it makes a good first submission. Welcome to the place, cloudncali.
- maybe elaborate a little on the exact effect on the charisma of the wielder... judging from the title, it does not make one exactly more attractive, but more of a 'personality', more imposing, interesting, harder to overlook; possibly even more trustworthy.
- the ambush contains some unnecessary details that detract from the story - skip the number 3, and simply say he was killed by thieves who robbed him of everything, including the clothes on his back (nice detail there)
- you could hint at the item's current whereabouts - what honorable, or more likely dishonorable person owns it? Or is it lost somewhere, after the latest fraud was commited with it? Go to Comment
I would say it's a good first sub. Only minor grammatical errors, the format isn't bad. But it is short and seems like its powers are that of a generic item, but it has the unique item background. Perhaps this is the first of many? Go to Comment
Pretty much ditto what everyone else said: a useful item, a bit drab and generic in its current form, but has great potential for further exploration. Welcome to the Citadel, Cloud! Keep them subs rollin'! Go to Comment
Not bad, but a little too generic and simple for my own tastes. Since wanting to have higher charisma is a fundamental wish, it should have some drawbacks - perhaps it increases charisma/personal magentism by imparting a weak charm on all nearby. This would set off anti-magic defences, annoy wizards, etc. Go to Comment
MaMcmenith's mistake, I guess, was creating a magic item that had to be held in hand to work. Of course he was robbed, if he was waving this gold-ringed emerald around as he walked down the road... Go to Comment