Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Diamond of Calcorn
Items  (Materials)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2008-03-19 08:33 PM
Yes, blatant problems. Capitalization is a standard of english writing. It is not optional - not using it makes you look like you do not care about the quality of your writing, especially as it has already been pointed out to you. This is true also with spelling.

I'm not the only one pointing out issues - see Moonhunters comments for details.

I've learned here that if people do not vote, it is generally for a reason and it is pointless to try and argue people to vote - they will just ignore you.

Listen to comments, fix problems that people point out, and the votes will come. Leave them as is and have poor results. Go to Comment
Diamond of Calcorn
Items  (Materials)   (Magical)
Kassy's comment on 2008-08-06 06:48 AM
not a bad sub, i think this has a lot of potential in it.

3.5/5 Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-23 01:06 PM
Okay, first the classics: spelling needs a little kick, formatting could be improved but that is no biggie.

The creature itself isn't bad, I like its strong dungeoneering bent. A few questions naturally come up - particularly how sentient, or intelligent are they? It appears they have some smarts, to know how to employ their magical powers. Do they have anything on mind, besides protecting their master? They are sometimes raiding villages, so perhaps there is something more.

What if they are afraid of the master they cannot leave? He can destroy them with a word or thought... they are essentially golemic creatures, but a touch of self-preservation can work wonders. Maybe they want to create another base, so they can be independent of their master, and raid the surroundings for useful items. Think of it... and you have a plot hook on your hands, and a way to take the defenses from that bad guy. Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-08-24 11:00 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
chilled's comment on 2007-08-20 04:13 PM
Updated: submission now done, just needed a few minor alterations.

:-) Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
chilled's comment on 2008-02-25 08:20 AM
i think ill edit this sub a little, give it a tweak and see what happens. Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
chilled's comment on 2008-02-25 08:39 AM
Updated: just fleshing it out a bit more it isnt quite done yet but it will be done shortly Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
chilled's comment on 2008-02-25 08:41 AM
good point ill try and add that, thanks for the advice. Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
chilled's comment on 2008-02-25 08:58 AM
Updated: it is finally finished i hope its better than the first time i submitted it. please re-vote on it. Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-23 02:20 PM
The basic idea is good, but I agree with Manfred's points.

I'd add the old request that a space come after punctuation.

Give it another look - most subs take a lot of work to get right! Go to Comment
Li'vah
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Underground)
Wulfhere's comment on 2007-08-23 02:33 PM
Deep within the subterranean domain of Van Torxus, the Li'vah scuttled and dug, endlessly driven to claim more for their master. Dread gripped their feeble minds, fear of the vengeful elven mage that had created them and could destroy them at a whim.

I really like these little subterranean constructs. They remind me of my blind undersea race, theTrench Dwellers. As Manfred suggested, I got the impression that the Li'vah feel emotion, but I might be reading more into the sub than was intended.

The Li'vah have personality, even though they could stand more detailing. I also appreciate the unusual behavior they exhibit, raiding local villages. Do they need something from the villages, or were they ordered to raid by their cruel master just to sow panic and chaos? They have powers of illusion, but these seem to be quite limited. Perhaps they lack the imagination needed to make more effective use of their powers? As creatures without a sense of sight, how do they perceive these illusions?

Their understanding of the world around them might be dramatically different from that of most creatures. As creatures with very limited perceptions, they might only feel safe in enviromaents where they can sense the solid barriers protecting them: In the open, foes outside the range of their perception would be a serious threat.

The Li'vah were crafted of greyish stone and Fire Clay: Could you explain what fire clay is? Go to Comment
Doomfire Blade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2006-08-25 06:22 AM
its good keep it going

tom Go to Comment
Doomfire Blade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Kassil's comment on 2008-01-02 07:01 AM
I'd advise including a link to the other blade if we need to see it for a reference. Go to Comment
Doomfire Blade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
chilled's comment on 2006-08-07 08:22 AM
NOTE: This submission is being built over a period of time, hence it not being finished.
it will be done soon. Go to Comment
Doomfire Blade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
chilled's comment on 2006-08-08 05:21 AM
Updated: continuing work on it. Go to Comment
The Blade of Chill
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2006-06-05 07:13 PM
Chilled. CHECK YOUR PMs on the forum. You are about to be banned. Go to Comment
The Blade of Chill
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2006-08-25 03:53 PM
Updated: Yes, it really does need to be in work. Read all the other comments and take another look at what you can do to improve yours. You CAN get there!!! Give it some time and effort. Go to Comment
The Blade of Chill
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2008-04-21 10:19 PM
Good for you and keeping with it chill! Go to Comment
The Blade of Chill
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
manfred's comment on 2006-05-25 06:16 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Blade of Chill
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
manfred's comment on 2006-08-31 12:56 PM
The historical part needs to be put into shape, but that can be still made. Let me say how I envision the powers of this blade:

Swinging the sword, a whiff of cold air can be felt. During a fight, this effect is stronger, and gets gradually colder until it is freezing cold, the opponent(s) having problems to breath - the wielder of the sword feels only cold, so as to move more frequently. Further, each swing sends shivers down their spine, and produces unnatural discomfort - less intelligent creatures are likely to run away after a short fight already.

Those hit by the blade feel it as if it was made of pure ice, freezing them to their very core. As I am rather the low-magic, low-power type, I find an hour of paralysis after _any_ hit to be a quite powerful effect, lethal even - but that is up to you. An alternative would be make the hit person slower, loosing speed, with subsequent hits making them even slower. An interesting side-effect could be making them harder, eventually really freezing when they cannot more, but are ironically hard to damage further.

The wielder of such a blade would most likely settle for a fast light style, that damages opponents ligthly but as soon as possible - the effects of the blade softening up the enemy further. In some cases will a swift execution follow on the slowed opponent, in some cases letting them freeze for a while may be preferable - for duels, but also teaching students the hard way.

There you have some ideas as to how it could work - feel more than free to elaborate on them. The cold effect would range a few yards at most, but in a tight place, a single champion could indeed halt an army - which makes it an interesting weapon not only for duelants but also for defenders of their home country. Take it from here as you see fit. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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Immortality

       By: caesar193

The secret for immortality has been discovered by an eccentric wizard/mad scientist. Its found you need to reapply once a month. As people stop dying, and the birth rate increases exponentially, people are forced into homelessness, because of the need for food reamins the same, and food is not being produced fast enough to feed the undying population. The PCs have to find the creator and kill him, and destroy production, to save the world from undying, unending torture from hungryness.

Ideas  ( Plots ) | August 16, 2012 | View | UpVote 5xp