These types of academies have been fairly well established in other settings and I would say is something everybody is familiar with. The Gunslinger, Roland, went to one such school for Gunslingers in Stephen King's dark tower books, their was a school for Knights in Steinbeck's King Arthur, the Jedi Academy, were ever it was Dr. Strange went to magic school, and Cain from Kung Fu of course. A write up for martial arts academy such as you have done is not novel in as much as it resembles so many other established setting. While there is nothing wrong with the write up really it is obviated by all the previous versions.
The last three notes are the strongest part about your post. Folding cliches into your setting is useful, it makes the setting easily accessible to other readers and players, but you need to make more of effort to tie this to your current setting. You can use the cliche setting as a way to ease or draw people into your world and your characters. I would bring more the specifcs of your world. If you do that than you don't have tired write up, but you have trite story to frame the novel aspects of your world.
I must admit I'm a bit confused abt this piece and I don't know how to vote on it. While it claims to be a location piece, what I actually read is more about the Warens society. I mean, it's fine to include the inhabitants and their ways of life in a Location sub but if the entire sub is abt the inhabitants/societal topics, then I really wonder why it isn't posted under Society. Which brings me to my other comments: how do the Warens come about? what purposes do they serve? from the sub, it seems they are operating somehow independently from countries but if they are training ground for the "best soldiers" then I sort of question why some of them aren't just crushed by whichever neighbouring country (i.e. who would want a bunch of "best soldier" being trained right next to your border that are totally independent from you?). I think a backstory on how it all starts might address this. Go to Comment
I just have to ask, is it really supposed to say "weilders" and "warens"? Not Wielders and Warrens? You don't seem to have misspelt anything else, but those words just seem so out of place. Go to Comment
It's an interesting idea, but I feel there is a huge piece missing. What is the angle?
The PCs could be some of those soldiers, or they could be the members of the time bending mages. This could create a Terminator style game, where the focus isn't the Terrible War, its in the events leading up to it, or survivors working out a plan to go back in time when the council does it's 15 year reset. If they kill General Amazing while he's still a middle lieutenant, and assassinate Lord Bastardo before his father dies, then it changes the whole dynamic of the war to come/that was.
It could also be played as a straight time loop, but the loop is starting to come apart, and people are starting to realize that this has all happened before. The loop has just restarted and the PCs must do what they can to prevent the war, or change it's course so that the time bending spell isn't cast again for the utterly unknownth time. Go to Comment
I was looking for a plot I could use this with. As far as making the pcs a hit squad, wasn't really what I was going for, but great idea. I was thinking that they begin to find out about the loop. Go to Comment
For the locations tha havent changed you could use something that makes them stand out. Maybe have teh time loop going and then in areas with this said feature, the loop dosent happen, or it repeats one event over and over again.
Example: lets say this war happened in our world, Earth, This magical time rewind was cast upon the world and we're at this point. Then the Pc's go to London on a mission or something, and every thing looks good and nice, then they go past the Palace of Westminster ( this is where BIG BEN is located) and the Palace is in Ruin. Still showing the damage of the war and possably even some of the deaths that happened here. As Such an "eye sore" the palace is ignored and the area around the building has become a "bad" neighberhood, its asumed by the citizens that its just a place where crime happens, and is there for ignored.
Nothing odd here, so your PC's Visit India, and they travel by the
Godavari River area. The River has dead bodies in the river, their is visable bood in the water, and the locals area doing funeral rights for people and are sending them into the waters. When they travel farther down the river they come accross a Dam, and notice something odd. A Flux in time, if you will, the bodies that are floating twords the dam are fazzing in and out of reality. The Dam is both damaged and at the same time repairing its self. The water closest to the dam looks fresh, clean, and crystal clear. On occation people have reported seeing bodies of people in the water, some times looking back in horror.
Its not untill the PC's have finished their mission ( or untill you deam it , because its your game of course) and some time has passed that one of them puts all the stories and events together to get that the magic spell that was cast all those years ago did work, but what the mages didnt account for was the powers of the natural and supernatural. Any Building(s) that boarder RIVERS, and only Rivers, were NOT affected by the time loop. Or in the case of the Dam, both effects are happening, and few people actually realize it.
A little research into this comes up with some "natural laws" that all things in the world must obay. But their are no books on this subject. Except an old Song or maybe a title to a book that hints at an old pholophy and wise words of wisdom along the lines of
" All Things Flow Down Stream, and Those that Go Against The Current Only Prolong The Inevitable, and Make Waves"
I had the feeling that the info on these dudes was just getting started and I was left wanting more. Power and training is good, but these folks must be a force to be reckoned with. As Muro mentioned, much like the Jedi. This is a powerful group and they have some kick-ass training. Do they stay in guilds, are they mercenaries, do they serve only righteous causes? etc.
Would love to see some plot lines with your thoughts on their powers and what they would be asked to do or who would use them. It would help make me understand your thought for their place in the world.
I like it and it is just unique enough to be recognized yet of itself! Great! Go to Comment
Reminds me of Jedi. I can see axle's point in replacing age ranges with something more character-oriented, but I kind of like that approach...
Besides, if GoT has taught us anything its that kids are dangerous :) So much so in fact that I wouldn't mind playing a puberty-experiencing, angst-ridden, wide-eyed, adventure-hungry 13-14 year old Weilder prodigy, or use one as an NPC, who the PCs will most likely underestimate.
I'm curious as to the spellings. Weilder and Waren are spelled this way purposely, yes?
And since I think this is your first sub, let me give you my patented, "Welcome, Chaoticwaffle!". Good first sub! Go to Comment
I think I would replace the age ranges with something that fits more with character skill/class progression if I were to use this in a game. The way this is written, players would either need to start characters as children who were somehow able to adventure outside of the Waren or begin play at the height of skill and power at adulthood.
Other than that I like the idea. It reminds me a little of the physical adept from Shadowrun, just cooler. Go to Comment
9 years of training still leaves quite a bit of leeway for starting age. Still, the idea of starting them so young says something about the organization. It would make it easier to mold the children mentally to a certain philosophy while they're still young and pliable.
Not sure that I'd want to face a fully trained Weilder just when hormones are doing their thing, though...
Shadowrun is a fun game (at least the first couple of editions; I can't speak to the rest) and was ahead of its time. I have a certain fondness for the physical adept.
I did understand how it could be hard to run a game with children aged characters, but I wanted to make the training young because of the great length it takes to accomplish. And I actually haven't played Shadowrun. Lol. So I really don't know about that, I'll take your word for it. Go to Comment
I guess the training is kinda like Jedi. Didn't even think about that. Lol. And yes I thought of a young one, who may still be in training, ending up meeting some people who make the mistake of underestimating him/her. Oh and the spellings are indeed intentional. Unique spellings can make it well, unique. Oh and I did this sub earlier, so not my first but I am still new. http://strolen.com/viewing/Peripheral_Beasts Go to Comment
I planned on a few more subs for the Weilders. Once a Weilder is recognized they become completely free. Many do stay with the Waren they grew up in to assist as they can, however many also choose a life of adventure. They can swear fealty to really anyone they want to and are nearly as varied as any other group of people. Though it does stand to reason that growing up in such a discipline heavy environment would make them lean more towards lawful-like alignments. Go to Comment
I like the idea that the longer amount of time a divine one/god spends on the mortal plane their power is weakened. Would the inverse be true, if a mortal were to spend long enough in the divine realm would they increase in power until they were divine ones themselves? Go to Comment
In cultures and langauges with very few acceptable personal and family names, nicknames will be used. These nicknames will be based on their physical traits and personalities. So instead of five Ryon Khans, you have Big Ryon, Little Ryon, Fast Ryon, Ryon the Priest, and Ryon with coin. It will make finding people, for an outsider, difficult.