Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Daimon
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-10-03 08:47 AM
It seems it's a lot harder to summon demons in your world, given the flavour text. Also given what I've read before, it seems a very bleak place, with no room for forgiveness. Once you're branded evil, you stay evil for all eternity.

I liked the banshees with their zombie-making ability, do they still scream or did you just use the name? Go to Comment
Obstaria
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Any)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-09-27 03:53 AM
Let me start by saying that this, compared to your earlier work, is much more engaging to me and shows growth in you, Caesar, cudos!

I liked the frog in the pond metaphor, and the sugar slipping between the fingers.

Obataria sounds like a nation which behind the scenes is in turmoil, but they throw a veil over it ( in the form of the kings rule) and play pretend that everything is fine.

I see a good espionage plot wherein the king is inspired by the stories of the first king, and beseeches the pcs to help him regain control of Obstaria. The night to strike is while the nobles are at the annual meet with the king. They must invade te keep of a prominent noble while is absent. Or perhaps hold them all hostage at the meet.

Also, the annual meet can end up being a whodunit, where the most prominent noble is poisoned and the pcs, being the only nuetral party, must find out who did it before civil war breaks out in a scale like never before! Go to Comment
Obstaria
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2013-10-07 12:25 PM
It would be interesting to see a king arise that held power not through his impotent army, and figurehead status, but through ties to the underworld. Blackmail, careful manoeuvring, intrigue. Keeping to the appearances of a lame duck, he would actually hold significant power. How the PC's play a role in this, perhaps they could give the impetus to change.

Go to Comment
Obstaria
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-10-04 08:46 AM
I'm guessing you found inspiration from the Roman empire, the initial founding of Obstaria fits well with how the empire ran at first, letting old kings keep their rule, as long as they payed their taxes. I also see the potential for a ruler to reclaim their lost glory if they manage to ally with some of the nobles, playing at their secrets once more. Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2014-01-26 02:02 AM
Did I miss how Barathra fit into this.

I love the idea of multiple levels and actually explaining what happens in each level. Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-31 05:09 PM
Hoo hah! The demons in Atheus are the people of Atheus! That's twisted! So in effect, without knowing it they are enslaving their own ancestors as slaves! Really interesting take on demons and hell, Caesar; I like very much!

Jacob Latris has unwittingly come upon the source of magic in Atheus itself, not to mention the means to manufacture demons for his own purpose! A dangerous gift to bestow on someone if his questionable morals and sanity!

I like that the idea of the afterlife and congeria are nothing like what Atheans expect. What a demoralizing thing to know if they ever find out that when they die they may just be processed and turn into chaotic monsters. Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-01-22 08:12 PM
Can demons summon what they need from the Lake? Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2013-09-09 09:11 AM
Certainly a unique cosmological setup :)

So basically, we are talking about the Conservation of Souls. Souls can be transformed but never destroyed, and the total sum of souls in the 3 realms never changes...



Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-03 07:15 AM
This is really creative with an unexpected twist. I love it. Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2013-09-05 07:25 PM
When a demon gets killed (which would be in Atheus, because a demon would only kill another demon unless their master said to), then their soul will go to the Afterlife, and probably get a streamlined "processing" and be quickly sent to Congeria to be redemonized. The makeup of the demon would change, as would its name (which would prevent wizards in Atheus from getting their demon killed, then re-summoning it- not that they'd want to, because the strengths and weaknesses and its characteristics would probably change).

If it is simply dismissed back to Congeria (they can't leave willingly), then they go back to Congeria. They'll probably be re-summoned soon by the wizard, and they won't change at all (except for their magical batteries being recharged, and going back to as they were when they were "fresh.") Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2014-01-26 11:19 AM
Barathra is the Afterlife. I wrote up Congeria before i had any intention of writing up Barathra, so I'll change the name Afterlife to Barathra now. Anyway, basically souls get created in Atheus, and then go to Barathra. Those souls that display enough resourcefulness and desperation to get to the center of Barathra get transported and processed and come to Congeria, where they become demons, and get summoned to Atheus to serve wizards as, basically, slaves. Go to Comment
Congeria
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-05 02:16 PM
Certainly original, yet with some oddly phrased passages in some places. For a plane of chaos, it certainly seems very orderly, with all the demons fitting nicely into the lake and all. Since they've got this trade going on, what happens to the demons when they leave Atheus? Do they return to Congeria or do they get another chance at the afterlife, to complete the circle? Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-21 08:23 AM
There are a couple of bits that are rough around the edges grammatically, but that's not a real problem.

Jacob will fit beautifully into the Occult Brotherhood, Caesar! I like the twist in that he seeks out the embodiment of revenge only so he can unleash it upon himself. It makes me wonder what it is he will find; perhaps an incarnation of revenge in demon form.

I felt like the 'Intervention' section was glossed over a little. For example, how did Ralf manage to subdue the demon that was delivering the food? Was the demon just weak?

At any rate, I can't wait to read Congeria! I look forward to some solid information on atheus's demonic realm; finally, something that can't just be dismissed as just religious myth! :D Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-26 01:20 PM
An interesting character, though I would like some suggestions or plot ideas to use him. Of course he could be popped into the game as a generic diabolist, but there is more to him than that.

There are some odd sentences, including some run-on-sentences that are distracting to me.

It also needs run through a spell checker - there are a fair number of typos.





Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-27 07:57 PM

The way events were unfolding, I thought Jacob was seeking entrance to the other world so that he could chase down the murderers and make them pay in the afterlife. I was a bit surprised to learn that he himself did not really understand what he was searching for. (A meta search?)

The moment where he determines that he himself is a killer who must pay fits in neatly with the genre, me thinks. I like it.


Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-21 12:26 PM
After Jacob's father was killed, he mourned, and had dark thoughts of Vengeance. The killing affected Jacob mentally, and changed his personality. And besides, demon-summoning isn't evil, its simply a controversial political issue, like gun control. I'll explain Demons in an upcoming sub. Jacob saw Luitger, realized what he wanted, decided that Demonology was the way to achieve it, and then went for it.

Ralf was the victim of Jacob's growing insanity. Jacob had been alone for years, with only demons for company. Its understandable that he started going insane. And when Ralf arrived, the day after Jacob made his discovery, well, he was just unlucky. Jacob latched onto the slightly unrational idea that Ralf had come to take his discovery of a spell to another realms by force. After all, he had brought along guards. Or, if Ralf revealed to the world that Jacob had discovered this spell, wizards would be constantly coming and trying to find out his spell, which would distract him from his research. Either way was not acceptable. Jacob, not knowing what Ralf's actual intentions were, made an assumption, and acted upon it.

And yes, I understand how Luitger's death could seem abrupt. And it was. Jacob went down to Luitger to end his apprenticeship, and Luitger didn't want that, for the reasons you quoted. Luitger demanded that Jacob stay, and the two argued. Then one of them, with their emotions high and both angry, made a move that might have seemed like an attack, and thus the fight started. It was a crime of passion, a manslaughter. And since Jacob was the better of the two, he was the one who left. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-21 11:26 AM
Maybe I missed something, but I'm having trouble understanding how you go from watching your dad die at the hands of thiefs to becoming a summoner of demons. The killing of Ralf also felt a bit unmotivated.

This part:

"He thought that if he attached himself to the rising star that was Jacob, he could become quite the Demonologist himself- or at least famous enough that he could pretend to be an excellent one. The two had an argument. The argument turned into a fight. The fight turned in a duel to the death. "

Felt very abrupt, there was no foreshadowing, just all of a sudden they started fighting to the death, for seemingly no reason. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-22 08:08 AM
Questions mostly answered, thank you. That's worth another .5, I should say. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Darkstand's comment on 2013-08-26 11:13 PM
The Good: The backstory overall is quite good, the death of the father very striking, That sort of thing can certainly lead one down a dark path. Despite what other said, I figured one of them would eventually betray the other, so that was not jarring to me. Maybe a fight or two narrated before then might help, though.

The Bad: The mother is only mentioned in passing. What happened to her? The fixation on Vengeance is logically illogical enough (is that even a thing?) but the leap to killing himself with Vengeance is... odd.
Perhaps a better goal would be to BECOME Vengeance? This is still highly illogical, but seems to follow the path of lunacy more closely, as well as being tangentially possible. By dedicating himself to Vengeance, he would A) fill his need for faceless Vengeance B) his goal of self destruction, as the Jacob Lantris that used to be (the one that watched his father die, as well as the one who killed his friend) would cease to exist, if it even does anymore. It would require little change to the story, as well.
...I feel my sanity slipping just writing that path of logic. (What little there was left anyway.) I'll consider that a point in your favor. Go to Comment
The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-20 06:53 PM
I like the history, and i like that it isnt magical. It fits in nicely with Lunism.

What I like most about Atheus in general so far - based on what i've read - is that the religions and gods are all question marks - there's no definite proof of them being correct, or just all made up. However, demons and dark things are very real (For example, your Culthus sub.).

If someone in Atheus were to REALLY want to find the truth of gods and devils, I think they would find the most truth by seeking demons and following the path towards hell, rather than looking and praying to the skies for something that may or may not exist. Go to Comment
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