Very strong clear prose as far as I am concerned. I the drawback section though you seem to strike a very different tone and approach it with a very different perspective (second person) than the rest of the piece. It is a little jarring, and it sort of ruins the in game immersion of the piece in favor of game mechanics. Perhaps it call all be in a blockquote.
Good stuff, I like the plot idea of trying to fight a villain with this. Go to Comment
As I'm reading this, I'm curious; the more times you used the statue dose the Angel show up more often to steal your future and make you do it over again in higher percentages. (This could be based on individual uses or days of travel.) Say the villain knows your every move, but the price for him at this point is the frantic repetition of recompleting nearly every task upwards of 2-3 times. The frustration of a life like that could be unbearable. Or better yet; the over use has caused an accidental system of practice where when you're finally allowed to actually finish a project its magnificent in nature, because of all the practice. Go to Comment
I was ho-hum till the last paragraph myself. Good legends, nice thoughts, but the kicker that tied it altogether and caught me off guard was what it truly is. "until they are too wretched and tired and magic-deprived to do anything but watch"
An interesting tale, and I like the fact that it is presented through multiple lenses, with the truth version presented in the end. It is strange, beguiling, and inviting. I like it. I want to map the city out like a living cell, with the inpenetrable fortress/tower/nucleus in the middle and the golden walls as the cell membrane, and the other various cellular apparatii having their own manifestations within the city.
How would the golden city respond to being looted? Gold is soft, so chopping hunks out it out of a wall wouldn't be hard for anyone with even bronze or stone tools. Go to Comment
As Holmes might say, "there are several points of interest to this case, Watson."
Quite an interesting take on the "Eternal City" trope. Great visual, with some unique perspectives. Scras and Renlim ask good questions. As for me though, I would say that less is more, and I don't necessarily need every mystery of this city spelled out. The vagueness adds that certain je nais se quois.
So, It would seem that from the stories that one can resist the desires of the City. Is desire required as a final key to becoming a part of the city? If it is, as they stare out into the new batches of batteries coming in do they bemoan there decisions or are they happy to see new visitors? Are the entrapped part of a hive mind? I know that's allot of stuff, but let me say the picture you have painted ins outstanding. Go to Comment
Looting? I had not actually thought of that. I don't think that the city would appreciate it, and would actively try to stop it, though only quietly and stealthily and normally. Like having someone learn about stealing, and then the "city-dwellers" decide that the best course of action would be returning the gold. Or having someone quietly steal the gold from the PCs in the middle of the night.
Of course, as the city is mostly made of desire, and is powered by magic from souls, the gold would probably revert to being some worthless substance, maybe stone or a collection of pebbles or something. Go to Comment
This seems a wee bit rough-cut and unpolished, Caesar. For example, there is a line which cuts off mid sentence:
To make matters worse, there is a time limit in play. As soon as the combat reaches Merthia city, even its walls
nevertheless, it is a solid enough plot which will send pcs into the thick of a cult. It has an employer who will probably betray them, mysteries of a cult to be discovered, and a moral dilemma on whether to let the Corrupt Merthia burn or to save them. Go to Comment
An interesting and entertaining read, I like how much potential this adventure has for what I think of as entry level PCs, this isn't their first rodeo, but maybe the 3rd adventure. There is a chance that they can get their clocks cleaned, and making Latris as an enemy sets up a good arc for conflict. It also sets up Meritha as a potential base for the PCs with the good will of the rulers there, or leads into an adventure after the PCs and the rulers clash after the conflict with Latris.
I couldn't find the passage SE mentioned, so I'm guessing you edited it since then. I don't know about rushed, it has plenty of content at least. I especially liked the rumours, very flavourful. You seem to have covered a lot of things, though no scenario in which Jacob Latris dies, I noticed. Go to Comment