Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Kassy's comment on 2012-07-28 07:27 AM
By breaking it down you've made it easier to read.

While the backstory is passable (I am no good at writing decent histories/backstories myself I might add), it starts with a glaring cliche, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just has that; "heard it before feel".

The part about the sculptor and its creation is fine.

The last part still raises some questions for me: How did Ytinutroppo know about its creation?, what is this loophole that he forgot to cover?

Also, this line doesn't make any sense to me: "(he's so powerful he doesn't need to show off with a ...the bloody)."

As it stands it is ok, but could still do with some more work being done. Take your time when creating something, there is no rush.

I might consider re-voting if this changes. Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Kassy's comment on 2012-07-30 10:22 AM
Take your time with what you write, no one is in a rush here. Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Redgre's comment on 2012-07-29 06:48 PM
A decent trap room. The backstory is interesting but seems to add little to it's purpose today and any possible future for the room, unless someone wants to summon another demon. If I were to use this room it would be the final treasure room of main baddies. I would probably replace the zombies with something ethereal, as to me that matches the flavor of the room better. Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-20 09:27 PM
I dig this, it's like the pool of endless froglings except with zombies. Everything is improved with zombies. I also particularly like how mean the gods are. Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
caesar193's comment on 2012-07-27 10:33 AM
Update: Here it is, broken down.
And with a bit of history/whatever you want to call it.
Do you like Ytinutroppo and Nomed's names? Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
caesar193's comment on 2012-07-29 02:06 PM
The bit about ...the bloody means adding a ... the bloody to the end of your name, like with Alexander THE GREAT. In Nomed's case, he'd become Nomed the Bloody.

The bit about the loophole is, i agree, kind of weak, but i was in a rush (i had to leave pretty soon) and just wanted to finish the history thing. I'll change it asap. As soon as think up what the @#$% it was. Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
caesar193's comment on 2012-07-29 06:29 PM
Update: Fixed the loophole problem Go to Comment
Death Room
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
young0ne2's comment on 2013-02-27 11:25 AM
I like this idea greatly. I LOVE making my PC's think outside the box in all our RPG's. They seem to think the box holds Safety and Candy, all to often, as they are starting to find out, the box can hold worse things then whats outside of it. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
528

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2