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The Weeping Angel
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Renlim's comment on 2013-11-04 03:36 PM
As I'm reading this, I'm curious; the more times you used the statue dose the Angel show up more often to steal your future and make you do it over again in higher percentages. (This could be based on individual uses or days of travel.) Say the villain knows your every move, but the price for him at this point is the frantic repetition of recompleting nearly every task upwards of 2-3 times. The frustration of a life like that could be unbearable. Or better yet; the over use has caused an accidental system of practice where when you're finally allowed to actually finish a project its magnificent in nature, because of all the practice. Go to Comment
The Weeping Angel
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Ifar's comment on 2014-02-24 06:58 PM
You realize the weeping angels are from Doctor Who, right? What you could do is that some of the statues could be magical and actually come to life. For the rest, read doctor who wiki Go to Comment
Civitas Caeli
Locations  (City)   (Space)
Strolen's comment on 2013-10-31 02:06 PM
I was ho-hum till the last paragraph myself. Good legends, nice thoughts, but the kicker that tied it altogether and caught me off guard was what it truly is. "until they are too wretched and tired and magic-deprived to do anything but watch"

Awesome! Go to Comment
Civitas Caeli
Locations  (City)   (Space)
Scrasamax's comment on 2013-10-27 07:32 AM
An interesting tale, and I like the fact that it is presented through multiple lenses, with the truth version presented in the end. It is strange, beguiling, and inviting. I like it. I want to map the city out like a living cell, with the inpenetrable fortress/tower/nucleus in the middle and the golden walls as the cell membrane, and the other various cellular apparatii having their own manifestations within the city.

How would the golden city respond to being looted? Gold is soft, so chopping hunks out it out of a wall wouldn't be hard for anyone with even bronze or stone tools. Go to Comment
Civitas Caeli
Locations  (City)   (Space)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-10-30 08:40 PM
A Hell disguised as a Heaven. Owch. Go to Comment
Civitas Caeli
Locations  (City)   (Space)
Murometz's comment on 2013-10-29 01:26 PM
As Holmes might say, "there are several points of interest to this case, Watson."

Quite an interesting take on the "Eternal City" trope. Great visual, with some unique perspectives. Scras and Renlim ask good questions. As for me though, I would say that less is more, and I don't necessarily need every mystery of this city spelled out. The vagueness adds that certain je nais se quois.

Go to Comment
Civitas Caeli
Locations  (City)   (Space)
Renlim's comment on 2013-10-29 09:12 AM
So, It would seem that from the stories that one can resist the desires of the City. Is desire required as a final key to becoming a part of the city? If it is, as they stare out into the new batches of batteries coming in do they bemoan there decisions or are they happy to see new visitors? Are the entrapped part of a hive mind? I know that's allot of stuff, but let me say the picture you have painted ins outstanding. Go to Comment
Civitas Caeli
Locations  (City)   (Space)
caesar193's comment on 2013-10-27 09:28 AM
Looting? I had not actually thought of that. I don't think that the city would appreciate it, and would actively try to stop it, though only quietly and stealthily and normally. Like having someone learn about stealing, and then the "city-dwellers" decide that the best course of action would be returning the gold. Or having someone quietly steal the gold from the PCs in the middle of the night.

Of course, as the city is mostly made of desire, and is powered by magic from souls, the gold would probably revert to being some worthless substance, maybe stone or a collection of pebbles or something. Go to Comment
Seeking Vengeance; Adventurers Needed
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-10-20 04:40 PM
This seems a wee bit rough-cut and unpolished, Caesar. For example, there is a line which cuts off mid sentence:
"
To make matters worse, there is a time limit in play. As soon as the combat reaches Merthia city, even its walls
"

nevertheless, it is a solid enough plot which will send pcs into the thick of a cult. It has an employer who will probably betray them, mysteries of a cult to be discovered, and a moral dilemma on whether to let the Corrupt Merthia burn or to save them. Go to Comment
Seeking Vengeance; Adventurers Needed
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
Scrasamax's comment on 2014-02-07 09:36 AM
An interesting and entertaining read, I like how much potential this adventure has for what I think of as entry level PCs, this isn't their first rodeo, but maybe the 3rd adventure. There is a chance that they can get their clocks cleaned, and making Latris as an enemy sets up a good arc for conflict. It also sets up Meritha as a potential base for the PCs with the good will of the rulers there, or leads into an adventure after the PCs and the rulers clash after the conflict with Latris.

Go to Comment
Seeking Vengeance; Adventurers Needed
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-10-26 09:07 AM
I couldn't find the passage SE mentioned, so I'm guessing you edited it since then. I don't know about rushed, it has plenty of content at least. I especially liked the rumours, very flavourful. You seem to have covered a lot of things, though no scenario in which Jacob Latris dies, I noticed. Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-10-12 05:12 PM
An interesting cult; protects the weak and innocent and sacrifices unlawful and evil people to a demon.

do other members of the cult know that their god is simply a demon, or only Rilthus?
Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-11-01 11:57 AM
The Cult does have a useful purpose in dealing with bandits. Btw, when I tried to vote in Firefox instead of IE, it would not let me. Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-11-01 11:58 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Murometz's comment on 2013-10-14 10:03 AM
The Carcer bit, being burned inside his wooden effigy monthly, and slowly going insane, did it for me! Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
valadaar's comment on 2013-10-15 02:32 PM
I'll echo Goss's comments on the wording. He is correct.

Otherwise, this is quite good with lots of potential. Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
caesar193's comment on 2013-10-12 06:17 PM
Update: Clarifying SE's comment; the cult has no knowledge of demons being in any way involved with anything in the cult. Go to Comment
The Burning Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-10-15 08:10 AM
Okay, starting with the bad. Sometimes the syntax in your sentences seem somewhat backwards or strange, and it can be distracting at times. For instance:

"The government saw instead of the improvements that the towns were causing but a threat to itself."

On the other hand, I see it as a bit synonymous with your personal style(perhaps it's even intentional), and I don't know if you're a native English speaker or not either. So I dunno, acquired taste maybe.

I liked the story with the bandit and the Carcer bit and how you combined the burning effigy with the inherent logic of your demons. So overall an interesting read. Go to Comment
Daimon
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-09-30 09:16 PM
I like Atheus's take on demons; that they are merely reluctant creatures forced out of their own habitat and desire only to be brought back to it.

This sub feels a little unpolished compared to Obstaria, but it's still complete enough to paint a good picture about what the Daimon is.

I like that if a daimon dies before it completes its tasks it is resigned to life as an 'evil spirit'. Perhaps those places in the world where things are strange and unseemly are just areas where these demonic spirits reside. Go to Comment
Daimon
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-10-01 12:53 PM
If you offered to send one of these back through magic, would it help you in return? Go to Comment
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