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The Mines
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Rune's comment on 2012-11-02 04:20 PM
It's not very clear that the man in the woods is the one that killed the goblins. The fact that he's missing a sword and that there is one impaling one of the goblins is good and definitely questionable, but another hint or two would be good if you are looking to seal the deal. Perhaps some droplets of blood spattering his clothing or boots.

Also, I'd think the wanderer would ask more questions about what had happened. The progression from "Did you do it?" to "What? No. You passing through?" is a little strange.

If I were in the wanderer's shoes, I'd want to know more about what happened before accompanying a stranger that I suspect is a killer. Why is he out here, how did he find the corpses, and when?.

Typo: Ten goblins had been butchered, there green corpses accenting the red blood.

there should be their. Go to Comment
The Cartography Guild
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2012-10-17 12:28 PM
I like the change from cartographer to spy. I think you cheapened it at the end by changing it to useless information. Better, I think, to say they got too public so they stopped selling information all together (which might be an issue since those that hired them may have info on who they spied on which the CG wouldn't want out...therefore blackmail for more spying, but that is another thread to follow). So they stop selling all out, however they continue to do it for those clients that are absolutely trustworthy to not let it known that the CG continues on in its elite spying.

Also, the alcohol and woman things gets overused and loses its impact. Was funny at the top but used too much to the point of annoyance through the entire piece. Reduce that footprint a bit for better impact I think.

I like it! Go to Comment
The Cartography Guild
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2012-10-10 06:24 PM
You need to remove the imbedded ad. Go to Comment
The Cartography Guild
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-10 09:18 PM
I did that once all ready! Sigh. Go to Comment
The Cartography Guild
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-28 09:59 PM
Update: Got rid of the alcohol/women joke at the last couple paragraphs, and the spy thing. I didn't like the spy thing anyways. Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2012-10-14 04:31 AM
I think this is good enough to be a normal idea and get some votes! LOL Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2012-10-17 12:21 PM
I'll bite.

Eww, gross! Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2012-10-10 05:27 PM
I've heard there are some impressive shitstorms over poop hill. Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2012-10-10 09:31 PM
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-09 08:51 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Ted's comment on 2012-10-11 08:20 PM
Reminds me of a certain chamber pot.. Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2012-10-10 04:41 PM
Used by farmers, you say? Sounds like a wizard collecting material for a specialized form of golem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEdOqYEwcT8 Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-14 04:00 PM
Update: Acting on Strolen's advice, the PottyPortal is now a normal sub. I also added a bit about use and treasure. Have at it, voters. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Strolen's comment on 2012-10-11 02:49 AM
Is it bad that all I could think of is the elves creating some kind of land boat on wheels like land sailing in the desert? Windmills? I just see them using some kind of technology.

I like the idea of the split in the elves and provides a good reason they are there. I would think they accept their punishment as a sign of honor and stay in the plains, otherwise why not just move farther in another direction and find some new woods that they are used to surviving in? Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2012-10-04 05:57 PM
This submission has a decent overview of a culture, but I have one major problem with it - it doesn't really connect together. It seems like a bunch of disparate elements just kind of stuck together. If farming is so difficult on this plain, then wouldn't it make more sense to be nomadic and follow the herd animals? But seemingly, farming is important to these people. If it is, go with that; don't feel compelled to weaken "farmers in hostile land" by saying "but they're mostly hunter-gatherers." Also, there's nothing here that distinguishes them as elves as opposed to humans or dwarves or any other people.

I think that there's a lot of potential in this submission, but you need to develop it a bit more to make that potential shine through. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Aramax's comment on 2015-02-22 07:37 AM
Nice bit of fluff for elves. a bit more about culture would be nice, but nice textbook 3.5/5

Commenting Challenge Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Ted's comment on 2012-10-03 12:48 PM
So first, what are those two things of HTML nonsense going through the middle of your sub? Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-06-14 02:39 AM
I like this sub overall- it does delve into sth unique for these plain elves although not a lot. One question I have remaining is that why are they forcing all puberty elves to move in with a different tribe that their birth tribe? To prevent inbreeding or some other reason? Nothing major that detracts from the sub but just curious. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
Dossta's comment on 2012-10-03 03:50 PM
This is a good start; I like the idea of a plains-driven culture of elves. You put this under advice requested, so is there anything in particular that you wanted us to comment on? In general, I would suggest that you consider a few of the following questions (to make this piece really pop):

On the plains themselves:
* Are there any unique flora/fauna that have developed here? If so, have the elves formed a special bond or relationship with any of them?
* Are there any special locations or natural resources which the elves can use?

On the elves:
* Are they the long-lived type of elves? If so, consider how their long lives would affect them while living on the plains. Forest-dwelling elves can take decades to grow a tree into the exact shape of a harp or bridge, for example. Do these plains elves have similar long-term goals, plans or works that they are a part of?
* Do they still use iron and do they have access to a steady source of it? If so, to what extent does this frame their culture now?
* How is their relationship now with the forest elves? Has their language diverged yet, or are they still culturally similar?
* Are there other races that live on the plains? If so, how do they interact with the elves? Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-04 09:26 PM
I may not have made it 100% clear. They are nomadic. They do follow the herd animals. They also plant a farm during the spring, and let it be for the summer, then harvest during the fall. I'll go write that bit in now. Go to Comment
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