Interesting. Gets the ole' idea box working. What if a semblance somehow regained his former memories of life but still felt hopelessly compelled to fulfill his master's nefarious goal, and that goal somehow conflicted with who the semblance was in life. Yes, very interesting. Go to Comment
A nifty little organisation you have here. I can imagine a bunch of stuffy nobles sitting around onleather chairs;, smoking cigars; "i say, lestor! Be a good fellow and have your zombie fetch some brandy will you?" Go to Comment
It was a good read. My only personal want with the story is less time on how he put on his clothes and what he ate and more on his thoughts on how to make one hand work or how to get around the honor and then can't. Him deciding to leave and then deciding to kill her were pretty heavy handed when compared to rest of the story. Those are the key points and parts I wanted to hear a little more about to better buy into the decisions. As it is, he just does it and that is it...ya know.
Story was great on why their are tunnel systems all over! The actually subway was more of an after thought for me. Magnets? Could have had more fun with that. You tend to weave these complicated political tales and I must say that they add a lot to what could have been a simple idea.
a Dwarven subway; how fun :p I enjoyed the background of the tunnels more than the subsystem itself - and though the Glenbeard Tunnels were used to the Dwarves advantage, it could now very easily be part of their demise, as an invading army can breach the walls at any point in the tunnels and set an invading army, and the dwarves would be equally surprised as the human cities were when they invaded! Perhaps a rival dwarf clan set on taking the spoils which Cagen Blackblade originally earned for himself.
Anywho - plenty of practical use; so much can happen within tunnels and cave systems, and it can be used in minor or major applications in a game; whether just a convenient way of travelling from town to town, or as the catalyst of an all-out subterrainean war between rival clans.
I was gonna give you a 3.5, but in writing this comment out, I talked myself up to 4.5 :p Go to Comment
I agree with Shadoweagle and Strolen, the tale is interesting and full of dwarven psychology and a "can-do" bearded spirit and is the meat of the sub. However, I do find the idea of a dwarven subway and magnetism, stimulating to ponder as well!
The fact that this is not "slanted" toward an automatic steampunk-ish vibe, instead sticking to "fantasy", is also quite interesting!
There was an ooold Dungeon Magazine(tm) adventure involving something similar (dwarven train system) with a load of dwarven politics thrown in. This reminds me of that in a good way!! Go to Comment
I like the story alot, but it feels like you ran out of steam towards the end. You give us the broadstrokes of the political military history of the region and how that lead to the formation of the tunnels. You gives us a few specific details about some battle and the personalities that shaped that world. We don't get a clear picture of the "modern tunnels" or the the tunnels that this sleepy little dwarf is asking about. What are the Irondeeps like today? What is it like to ride the subsystem? Could you have some Chinatown like plot where some evil dwarven developer wants to recklessly expand the dwarven tunnels? You have a great prologue. Go to Comment
I really like the ships in the bottles. The image of tiny sailors boarding the PCs is an especially nice touch. The thing I liked the least was the "find-the-three-doors" puzzle, which reminds me of all the stupid, time-wasting puzzles that DMs have thrown at me. It could be made fun, or it might serve as a way to explore the ship, but the idea of adding keys makes me sad. What's worse is that the third word ("all") can be figured out pretty easily.
And how can a ship turn into a werewolf? What if a werewolf bites a bridge, or a bank, or a peninsula, or a fjord? It's almost cool, but not quite. I also don't like that the two main combats are both against wolves. Go to Comment
It got loose at the end, but I loved it. Rise and fall of a Dwarven Empire. I think the end just needs to be more clear. I didn't get that nobody can go through it till one of the last lines. I just thought the place was haunted by ghosts and zombies. The place is too important to the world you created to just let lie. I see it being held still by humans. They have figured out ways to keep the undead at bay and/or lock themselves in certain safe areas after dark and can come out in the daytime. Besides the undead, I think there have to be some dwarves around (even coming in from another clan deeper in the mountains or something) that continue to have some kind of insurgency against the past with the hope of one day regaining it.
I like it a lot, the end just needs to be tightened a bit more to bring it all together in a solid understanding of the current state. I agree a solid 4 as is, but it could be upgraded with that fix and some better plot ideas.
Well, it has dwarven feel for sure. I agree with axle for the most part, it is a good legend and history for a world, if a bit disjointed and mish-mashed together. Undead dwarves are fun. I particularly enjoyed the beginning, where you discuss the clans, geography, and societal notes. Go to Comment