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Friars Weed
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Swamp)
caesar193's comment on 2013-05-21 10:25 AM
Update: There. I've edited it. Or should I say, for Gossamer's benefit, i've edeting its. Go to Comment
Friars Weed
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Swamp)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-20 08:24 AM
Shouldn't it be; "They're coming", rather than, they were coming?
I'll hold my vote till you clean it up a bit. Go to Comment
Friars Weed
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Swamp)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-20 11:12 AM
Keep it up and you get a zero. :P Go to Comment
Friars Weed
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Swamp)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-21 12:05 PM

Voted. Here are some more typos;


the barbaric races that trying to kill him.

(Besides the forgotten word, I would change, the barbaric races to just; barbarians).


result in the victim sitting down, lieing down


coating the tips of an archer's corps arrows.

(Not sure about this one, but I suppose you meant like a division of Archers? Meaning it should be, archer corp's).

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Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Strolen's comment on 2013-05-06 11:37 AM
I added the Oekaki graphic to help identify these subs a little better. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Strolen's comment on 2013-05-06 02:33 PM
I think it is a fun idea. The idea of it entrapping the victims and attracting the enemy to kill them is pretty darn neat. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2013-05-10 08:21 PM
The basic premise is solid, if a bit familiar. The specific mechanic by which this plant eats people is interesting, but I'm not sure I like the degree of perception required for "trap people, then call monsters." I might like to see a rework of that part if this were to be revisited.

That said, the drug use idea is great. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-05-06 09:26 PM
I like the opening line. People can deal with the facts, but there is a lot more to this...what is innocence, what is a monster, the flowers seem to have tapped into this oversoul of morality...and I am inspired by it. Wrote an Oekaki based on this Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-08 08:10 PM
Not bad - the only part that really jarred with me was the attraction of generic 'monsters' but I expect that is a result of the time limit. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 02:57 AM
What the score says. I think the underlying idea likeable and original but then there is one unanswered question that is nagging at me: You say that based on this flower's need for blood, it somehow "surely develop the capacity for innocence". I just find the logic of that too much of a jump. I mean, making ppl de-age (innocent) will make them less cautious and so more easily killed but surely that's not the only way to get blood.

Also, in general, I feel that this piece has somehow been rushed a little and could do with a proof-read. I normally don't deduct points for minor typos etc. but for this sub I sort of did because I felt some of the sentences relied on the readers to make the logical connections as well as having the typos. For example, when you discuss the downside of the flowers, instead of leaving things hanging, you could add in a sentence somewhere to say when ppl are not under the thrall of flower and are uneasy, they might move on and foil the flower's "scheme". Currently, it just trails off into a description of how ppl are trying to find a reason for the unease and I get a bit of a question mark on what this paragraph is trying to tell me. 

I don't mean to be somehow negative abt this sub as I think it a solid one but I just think that it would benefit from some editing.



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Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 06:54 PM
Ah I see, I saw the freetext but I wasn't in the Citadel when Scras threw up his sub on Oekaki so I had no idea abt it being a challenge at all. But now that you've explained it, I think you have done very well given the context. Therefore, I will now be revising my vote accordingly. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-05-06 07:01 PM
A revote based on understanding of Oekaki, which was previously not accounted for. While I remain of the same opinion of the logic of the flower, I'm opting for a high score because I really appreciate the nature of the Oekaki challenge (and so I'm downgrading the point penalties on the logic part of the sub). Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
Dossta's comment on 2013-05-06 05:43 PM
I find the logic of the flowers a bit thin, but the concept is kinda cool. I'd like to know why they only grow around ruins and other abandoned places. Seems like they'd be a better weapon to be cultivated around the lairs and stomping grounds of the fey. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
caesar193's comment on 2013-05-05 11:36 AM
Another idea I had for these is their drug potential. If you want, it could be possible to chew or smoke or whatever these. It would give the person a massive high, while reverting them to more childish thoughts. Naturally, because they can only be found in dangerous, monster infested ruins, they would be quite expensive. A little reward for the PCs who survive they're experience with the Flowers of Innocence Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
caesar193's comment on 2013-05-06 07:10 AM
May I direct your attention to the Oekaki free text? Oekaki is where you do a piece in 30 minutes. So, yes, you could say it was "rushed a little." If you follow the free text, you'll find the sub where Scrasamax explains Oekaki better than I could in a petty comment.

Anyways, if at some point in the future the idea of the flowers is proven to be good enough, I'll go through and exterminate typos and badly phrased sentences with extreme prejudice. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
caesar193's comment on 2013-05-07 07:49 AM
Wait a second... I inspired fanfic??? With a badly-logiced, badly-rationalized oekaki? I am honored. I shall have to go parse this fanfic as a god examines the petty lives of the mortals striving to gain a message that they are worthy of their very lives. I wonder whether this is how Stephanie Meyer feels like when she sees all the new vampire books and movies and etc. Go to Comment
Flowers Of Innocence
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (City/ Ruin)
caesar193's comment on 2013-05-07 07:54 AM
Oh, the flowers can live in your forest glades and fey-homes. It's just that since they have the innocence is of them increased, that has to be balanced out by the dark side of them likewise being increased. And so, like a normal flower feeds on the nutrients of the decomposed dead to live, these flowers depend on sorrow and pain and blood to live. And yes, I just thought of that simile. Nothing of its form occured during the writing do this piece.

Anyways, because ruins tend to be places where some great calamity struck and caused the terror and fear and misery of thousands, the flowers like it there. The flowers thrive there. Go to Comment
Mortideanism
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Strolen's comment on 2013-04-09 11:28 AM
Fantastic idea! I love the idea of praying to yourself and asking for your own forgiveness or whatever they end up doing.

Can you grant yourself magic or powers? That is a tangent I want to explore! :) Can you imagine asking yourself for stuff and then deciding if you should give yourself something? How fun is that? Go to Comment
Mortideanism
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-03-25 07:20 PM
I already know some people who worship themselves :p
Its as plausible a religion as any, and I actually recall reading something which has a similar thought to this; I don't remember where though.

It basically went something like; every time you die you are reborn as someone else, and once you experience the life of every living person, you finally become god, because you have experienced all things. So basically the waiter who was rude to you at the restaurant is actually yourself in a future or past incarnation. Go to Comment
Mortideanism
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
Murometz's comment on 2013-03-19 11:52 AM
Hmm,solid, if a bit dry, as Dossta says. We may have to add this concept to "30 Divine Concepts"! :)

http://strolen.com/viewing/30_Divine_Concepts Go to Comment
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