So what you're saying is that a guy with an empty scabbard, with a sword left at the scene, can just say that he's innocent and of course he is? I mean, if that worked in the real world, lets go on a killing spree! Now, by this, I am neither saying nor denying whether or not he is innocent of these murders. But if you are wondering if he's guilty... I need to ramp up the suspicion. Go to Comment

Update: Reworked the initial mayor-Luke conversation. Hopefully, the mayor looks... shadier. Especially since this is in a forest. or forst clearing, if you want to quote obscure line in the above piece at me. Go to Comment

I have not added to this for a while. I need to get into the bit with the goblins, but lack the time right now. Tommorrow you will get to see a bit of the goblin way of life. At least, i pray to Othamm that this is so. Go to Comment

thanks for the typo info. I will terminate it with great prejudice.

And yes, I agree that the conversation could use a little work. Such matters are not my strong point. That being said (or typed? whatever...), it will probably stay as it is until the whole thing is done. Go to Comment

It's not very clear that the man in the woods is the one that killed the goblins. The fact that he's missing a sword and that there is one impaling one of the goblins is good and definitely questionable, but another hint or two would be good if you are looking to seal the deal. Perhaps some droplets of blood spattering his clothing or boots.

Also, I'd think the wanderer would ask more questions about what had happened. The progression from "Did you do it?" to "What? No. You passing through?" is a little strange.

If I were in the wanderer's shoes, I'd want to know more about what happened before accompanying a stranger that I suspect is a killer. Why is he out here, how did he find the corpses, and when?.

Typo: Ten goblins had been butchered, there green corpses accenting the red blood.

there should be their. Go to Comment

I like the change from cartographer to spy. I think you cheapened it at the end by changing it to useless information. Better, I think, to say they got too public so they stopped selling information all together (which might be an issue since those that hired them may have info on who they spied on which the CG wouldn't want out...therefore blackmail for more spying, but that is another thread to follow). So they stop selling all out, however they continue to do it for those clients that are absolutely trustworthy to not let it known that the CG continues on in its elite spying.

Also, the alcohol and woman things gets overused and loses its impact. Was funny at the top but used too much to the point of annoyance through the entire piece. Reduce that footprint a bit for better impact I think.

I like it! Go to Comment

You need to remove the imbedded ad. Go to Comment

I did that once all ready! Sigh. Go to Comment

Update: Got rid of the alcohol/women joke at the last couple paragraphs, and the spy thing. I didn't like the spy thing anyways. Go to Comment

I think this is good enough to be a normal idea and get some votes! LOL Go to Comment

I'll bite.

Eww, gross! Go to Comment

I've heard there are some impressive shitstorms over poop hill. Go to Comment

Fun. Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

Reminds me of a certain chamber pot.. Go to Comment

Used by farmers, you say? Sounds like a wizard collecting material for a specialized form of golem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEdOqYEwcT8 Go to Comment

Update: Acting on Strolen's advice, the PottyPortal is now a normal sub. I also added a bit about use and treasure. Have at it, voters. Go to Comment

Is it bad that all I could think of is the elves creating some kind of land boat on wheels like land sailing in the desert? Windmills? I just see them using some kind of technology.

I like the idea of the split in the elves and provides a good reason they are there. I would think they accept their punishment as a sign of honor and stay in the plains, otherwise why not just move farther in another direction and find some new woods that they are used to surviving in? Go to Comment

This submission has a decent overview of a culture, but I have one major problem with it - it doesn't really connect together. It seems like a bunch of disparate elements just kind of stuck together. If farming is so difficult on this plain, then wouldn't it make more sense to be nomadic and follow the herd animals? But seemingly, farming is important to these people. If it is, go with that; don't feel compelled to weaken "farmers in hostile land" by saying "but they're mostly hunter-gatherers." Also, there's nothing here that distinguishes them as elves as opposed to humans or dwarves or any other people.

I think that there's a lot of potential in this submission, but you need to develop it a bit more to make that potential shine through. Go to Comment

So first, what are those two things of HTML nonsense going through the middle of your sub? Go to Comment