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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-24 08:35 PM
A good sub, though very specific in its application.

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
mrcelophane's comment on 2013-08-19 03:56 PM

It's a solid idea...just missing some sort of flair that would make me score higher. 

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
mrcelophane's comment on 2013-08-19 04:41 PM

Added an extra .5

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-24 10:37 PM

This seems like good flavor for the setting. I don't know if I'd use it directly; it's possible to make a Macguffin out of it, but I don't know that I would. I'd be more likely to make the location, or the road to it, a setting for conflict involving the two dominant religions.


Of course, I could certainly see Trianarianists attempting to destroy such a tangible symbol of the dead prophet.

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-20 06:10 AM
When there's no magic to it, there's not much to do but focus on the background, and you've certainly done that. Maybe some plothooks? After all even if it's not much in the equipment department, it could still serve as a Macguffin. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-13 07:03 PM
There are parallels/similarities in this with Jesus (travelling preacher, spreading the word dispute persecution, thought of by some as a god etc) which I am guessing are intentional. John serves as a solid historical figurehead for Lunism and the religion definitely benefits from his story.
It is a little bland, but then again something doesn't have to be flashy to be useable; a good npc to further the believability of Lunism in a game. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-16 08:54 PM
Aah, a dark secret; a nefarious twist! This is the kind of thing that the sub needed; a fellow of high morals preaching about his religion until he died was a bit dry, but have that person harbor a secret life of taboo arts... That makes things more interesting.

It would be tastier if some of the 'higher ups' knew this secret, and then when the pcs decide to hunt for clues as to johns tomb, they suddenly find a secret lunist organisation trying to assassinate them. After all, having the truth of a religious figurehead being a necromancer come out will be very damaging for the faith! Lies, coverups, scandals; you have turned this sub into a very 'Da Vinci code-esque' kind of drama.

And when the pcs finally get to the tomb and learn the truth they have a choice: reveal the truth and damage the reputation of someone who did actually do some good in the world, or destroy the evidence. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-01-22 08:15 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Dozus's comment on 2014-01-22 05:12 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-23 01:59 PM
Not bad, the secret certainly helped it. I have a some suggestions:

Change

"However, usually around 1 in 10 people can make it out, as they're familiar with the terrain. "

To this, or something similar:

"Occasionally some exiles survive, either by blind luck or exceptional skills at woodcraft."

"Whatever the reason, John soon discovered a necromancy spell, as well as sorcery, that can help with one's public speaking, and your talent for it."

Such magics are not normally considered the area of necromancy, but perhaps sorcery. It feels forced - you needed him to have exceptional public speaking, and he uses necromancy, so poof - charisma enhancing spell.

I'd say instead he became possessed by some spirit during his dabbling that wanted to use him for some evil end. It helped him in his quest, grooming him for bigger things. In the end, perhaps John figured it out, and killed himself, or he began to disobey the spirit and the spirit killed him. The tomb may in fact still harbour this evil spirit.








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The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Ted's comment on 2013-08-12 09:00 PM
Woah woah woah, when did we get the capability to add table of contents that actually linked to that specific part of a submission? Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Ted's comment on 2013-08-12 09:00 PM
Woah woah woah, when did we get the capability to add table of contents that actually linked to that specific part of a submission? Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Ted's comment on 2013-08-13 09:31 AM
As a history and mysterious prophet figure, it works, but overall John's backstory is a boring tale of some dude avoiding a few assassination attempts while the masses fall at his feet and covert immediately despite the angry guys with swords acting like the Spanish Inquisition running around.

Do Lunist holidays exist in John's name? Are there rites or sayings that invoke him? What are they? Do priests attempt to emulate what little they know about such a bland and mysterious figure who was seen speaking by hundreds if not thousands of people?

How did a guy who managed to convert an entire continent remain mostly anonymous and why are the details of how he lived his daily life shrouded in mystery? Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-14 09:48 AM
I have mixed feelings on this.

On the one hand, how could I not like a religion of the Moon :)

On the other, I agree with the blandness that others pointed out. It seems like this could be so much more. However, the prophet seems more like a cardboard cutout than a real person. He must have had charisma or piety or something in order to affect so many people, so why not show it? I'm not really drawn into the conflict between the two religions and thus don't actually feel moved by his assassination. Of course I could use that conflict in a game and maybe reference the followers of John but I want to be a little lazy and have you show me how I should make my players care.

I'm Ok with the mysterious past; that could actually work for you if done right. IMO, it just needs more work. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-24 10:29 PM

On reading this updated version I am upping my vote. The background made the character more real to me. His hidden skills in sorcery and necromancy, used as a tool in his battle for supremacy of his religion over the other, also speaks to the nature of the faithful in your world.


However, I do agree with the points made by valadaar. Saying "1 in 10" sounds like the simple mechanics of a die roll, which pulls me out of the story. I really like the idea of John in turmoil over being possessed by a spirit which both helps him and controls him.


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The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-12 09:46 PM
http://strolen.com/guild/index.php/topic,6216.0.html

And can you not put your awe at new site features in my subs? I'd rather comments be about how awesome of a writer I am and how great my work is than about the Table of Contents. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-13 10:57 PM
Close, but, as they say, no cigar.

I wasn't actually going for Jesus, though I do see how he could be thought of that way. I was actually going for the Prophet John's namesake (John the Baptist, Jesus's forerunner) more than I was Jesus. And, of course, Malcolm X with the death bit, and the public speaking, religion, birth (as in, the Prophet John, as people know him, has no past that bears any importance to the man of the present. Like Malcolm X), convincing, charitable, and furthering his cause. Of course, the wandering thing is a good similarity to Jesus, and was, somewhat, intentional. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-13 11:11 PM
First off, let me make something perfectly clear. He didn't convert an entire continent. What he did was convert one country, bring another near to the conversion line, and instill confidence into a religion. Lunism then, on its own, either spread into other cities or increased its numbers in them.

And two, they don't convert immediately, and Trianarianism isn't running around blatantly. You'd get a crappy reputation. Except for the instances where they do try to kill the Prophet John, they go about ruining the other religions and increasing their converts stealthy. If the religion is seen as dangerous to the people, the kingdoms will ban it, and how would that help Trianarianism?

And three, you raise some very good points. And I will act on those points. You know. Eventually. Probably (hopefully) tomorrow. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-14 12:40 PM
Update: Added another section. I think it makes the Prophet John just a little more interesting, with a little more depth of character. Go to Comment
Lunism
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-16 08:24 PM
I find this a great, believable sub.
My personal belief (and one that doesn't affect my standing with the sub) is that Mortes would be more suited as the full moon and Vivenus as the new moon. I feel its more suitable for the religion plus it would be a cool switch. Mortes's symbol can be the blinking eye and Vivenus the opening eye (Vivenus's eye is represented by the waxing phases of bew to full, the 'opening eye', and Mortes by the waning of the full moon to new - the 'blinking eye'.
This seems more suitable as to mimic life: we are born an empty slate and as we grow our life fills with experience like the Waxing moon and Vivenus's opening eye. When we reach the pinnacle of life, Mortes casts his eyes gaze on us, and our life wanes: we grow old and age and illness deteriorate us. Under the gaze of Mortes's slowly blinking eye we pass, and when the eye is shut, death takes us.

In this way it seems more suitable that Vivenus and Mortes would be considered the more 'major gods', and the others part of their domains.
Also, in line with this, perhaps Lunists would believe in some kind of reincarnation: as their life wanes away to nothing, Vivenus takes their soul and breathes new life into it; just like the never ending cycle of the moon, their soul is born anew.

I like that people are born under their 'lunar signs', sort of like star signs. And the barbaric way that some sects might slay their child born on the waning change phase is a nice touch - has a very 'witch-hunt' feel to it.

I would have it tradition for places of gambling within Lunist cities to close when Alea wanes.

This is a cool religion, Caesar, and as Val said; its believable. I wouldn't be surprised if at some stage in history ancient man had a religion nit dissimilar to this.
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