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Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-27 07:57 PM

The way events were unfolding, I thought Jacob was seeking entrance to the other world so that he could chase down the murderers and make them pay in the afterlife. I was a bit surprised to learn that he himself did not really understand what he was searching for. (A meta search?)

The moment where he determines that he himself is a killer who must pay fits in neatly with the genre, me thinks. I like it.


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Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-21 12:26 PM
After Jacob's father was killed, he mourned, and had dark thoughts of Vengeance. The killing affected Jacob mentally, and changed his personality. And besides, demon-summoning isn't evil, its simply a controversial political issue, like gun control. I'll explain Demons in an upcoming sub. Jacob saw Luitger, realized what he wanted, decided that Demonology was the way to achieve it, and then went for it.

Ralf was the victim of Jacob's growing insanity. Jacob had been alone for years, with only demons for company. Its understandable that he started going insane. And when Ralf arrived, the day after Jacob made his discovery, well, he was just unlucky. Jacob latched onto the slightly unrational idea that Ralf had come to take his discovery of a spell to another realms by force. After all, he had brought along guards. Or, if Ralf revealed to the world that Jacob had discovered this spell, wizards would be constantly coming and trying to find out his spell, which would distract him from his research. Either way was not acceptable. Jacob, not knowing what Ralf's actual intentions were, made an assumption, and acted upon it.

And yes, I understand how Luitger's death could seem abrupt. And it was. Jacob went down to Luitger to end his apprenticeship, and Luitger didn't want that, for the reasons you quoted. Luitger demanded that Jacob stay, and the two argued. Then one of them, with their emotions high and both angry, made a move that might have seemed like an attack, and thus the fight started. It was a crime of passion, a manslaughter. And since Jacob was the better of the two, he was the one who left. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-21 11:26 AM
Maybe I missed something, but I'm having trouble understanding how you go from watching your dad die at the hands of thiefs to becoming a summoner of demons. The killing of Ralf also felt a bit unmotivated.

This part:

"He thought that if he attached himself to the rising star that was Jacob, he could become quite the Demonologist himself- or at least famous enough that he could pretend to be an excellent one. The two had an argument. The argument turned into a fight. The fight turned in a duel to the death. "

Felt very abrupt, there was no foreshadowing, just all of a sudden they started fighting to the death, for seemingly no reason. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-22 08:08 AM
Questions mostly answered, thank you. That's worth another .5, I should say. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Darkstand's comment on 2013-08-26 11:13 PM
The Good: The backstory overall is quite good, the death of the father very striking, That sort of thing can certainly lead one down a dark path. Despite what other said, I figured one of them would eventually betray the other, so that was not jarring to me. Maybe a fight or two narrated before then might help, though.

The Bad: The mother is only mentioned in passing. What happened to her? The fixation on Vengeance is logically illogical enough (is that even a thing?) but the leap to killing himself with Vengeance is... odd.
Perhaps a better goal would be to BECOME Vengeance? This is still highly illogical, but seems to follow the path of lunacy more closely, as well as being tangentially possible. By dedicating himself to Vengeance, he would A) fill his need for faceless Vengeance B) his goal of self destruction, as the Jacob Lantris that used to be (the one that watched his father die, as well as the one who killed his friend) would cease to exist, if it even does anymore. It would require little change to the story, as well.
...I feel my sanity slipping just writing that path of logic. (What little there was left anyway.) I'll consider that a point in your favor. Go to Comment
The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-20 06:53 PM
I like the history, and i like that it isnt magical. It fits in nicely with Lunism.

What I like most about Atheus in general so far - based on what i've read - is that the religions and gods are all question marks - there's no definite proof of them being correct, or just all made up. However, demons and dark things are very real (For example, your Culthus sub.).

If someone in Atheus were to REALLY want to find the truth of gods and devils, I think they would find the most truth by seeking demons and following the path towards hell, rather than looking and praying to the skies for something that may or may not exist. Go to Comment
The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-08-29 12:55 PM
I like the magic suits of armour. Go to Comment
The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-24 08:35 PM
A good sub, though very specific in its application.

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
mrcelophane's comment on 2013-08-19 03:56 PM

It's a solid idea...just missing some sort of flair that would make me score higher. 

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
mrcelophane's comment on 2013-08-19 04:41 PM

Added an extra .5

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-24 10:37 PM

This seems like good flavor for the setting. I don't know if I'd use it directly; it's possible to make a Macguffin out of it, but I don't know that I would. I'd be more likely to make the location, or the road to it, a setting for conflict involving the two dominant religions.


Of course, I could certainly see Trianarianists attempting to destroy such a tangible symbol of the dead prophet.

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The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-20 06:10 AM
When there's no magic to it, there's not much to do but focus on the background, and you've certainly done that. Maybe some plothooks? After all even if it's not much in the equipment department, it could still serve as a Macguffin. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-13 07:03 PM
There are parallels/similarities in this with Jesus (travelling preacher, spreading the word dispute persecution, thought of by some as a god etc) which I am guessing are intentional. John serves as a solid historical figurehead for Lunism and the religion definitely benefits from his story.
It is a little bland, but then again something doesn't have to be flashy to be useable; a good npc to further the believability of Lunism in a game. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-16 08:54 PM
Aah, a dark secret; a nefarious twist! This is the kind of thing that the sub needed; a fellow of high morals preaching about his religion until he died was a bit dry, but have that person harbor a secret life of taboo arts... That makes things more interesting.

It would be tastier if some of the 'higher ups' knew this secret, and then when the pcs decide to hunt for clues as to johns tomb, they suddenly find a secret lunist organisation trying to assassinate them. After all, having the truth of a religious figurehead being a necromancer come out will be very damaging for the faith! Lies, coverups, scandals; you have turned this sub into a very 'Da Vinci code-esque' kind of drama.

And when the pcs finally get to the tomb and learn the truth they have a choice: reveal the truth and damage the reputation of someone who did actually do some good in the world, or destroy the evidence. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-01-22 08:15 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Dozus's comment on 2014-01-22 05:12 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-23 01:59 PM
Not bad, the secret certainly helped it. I have a some suggestions:

Change

"However, usually around 1 in 10 people can make it out, as they're familiar with the terrain. "

To this, or something similar:

"Occasionally some exiles survive, either by blind luck or exceptional skills at woodcraft."

"Whatever the reason, John soon discovered a necromancy spell, as well as sorcery, that can help with one's public speaking, and your talent for it."

Such magics are not normally considered the area of necromancy, but perhaps sorcery. It feels forced - you needed him to have exceptional public speaking, and he uses necromancy, so poof - charisma enhancing spell.

I'd say instead he became possessed by some spirit during his dabbling that wanted to use him for some evil end. It helped him in his quest, grooming him for bigger things. In the end, perhaps John figured it out, and killed himself, or he began to disobey the spirit and the spirit killed him. The tomb may in fact still harbour this evil spirit.








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The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Ted's comment on 2013-08-12 09:00 PM
Woah woah woah, when did we get the capability to add table of contents that actually linked to that specific part of a submission? Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Ted's comment on 2013-08-12 09:00 PM
Woah woah woah, when did we get the capability to add table of contents that actually linked to that specific part of a submission? Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Ted's comment on 2013-08-13 09:31 AM
As a history and mysterious prophet figure, it works, but overall John's backstory is a boring tale of some dude avoiding a few assassination attempts while the masses fall at his feet and covert immediately despite the angry guys with swords acting like the Spanish Inquisition running around.

Do Lunist holidays exist in John's name? Are there rites or sayings that invoke him? What are they? Do priests attempt to emulate what little they know about such a bland and mysterious figure who was seen speaking by hundreds if not thousands of people?

How did a guy who managed to convert an entire continent remain mostly anonymous and why are the details of how he lived his daily life shrouded in mystery? Go to Comment
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