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Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-04-03 01:54 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-02 06:21 PM
Somebody had a bad day...

Solid story, I think the choices you made worked really well for the story. Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-03 05:14 AM
missed voting Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-02 11:30 PM
Well put together story, with some interesting characterization and some interesting developments.

A small warning in the preface that the story includes a reference to sexual violence may also be prudent, given it could cause unpleasant flash backs to real life events in some readers . Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-03 04:53 AM
Forgot to vote. Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-04 11:13 AM
4.5/5

Well thought out and written. A classic that will never get old.

Well done :) Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
eleclipse's comment on 2014-04-03 03:46 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Demon Summoning for Idiots
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-03-12 04:04 PM
Useful to the demon summoner who after death, may one day himself or herself become a demon. Go to Comment
Demon Summoning for Idiots
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Murometz's comment on 2014-03-13 10:38 AM
I enjoyed this irreverent take on demon summoning and laughed a few times. Can see a humorous campaign, wherein the imps, elementals, and afrits attempt to hunt down the Idiot's Guide and destroy it, to keep it from being read, as well as hunting down the flippant author. :) Go to Comment
Demon Summoning for Idiots
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-12 06:48 PM
This is great! Well written, flippant, I love the voice...

"Thus, you must try to be as casual and aloof as possible, and make it seem like this demon is just some other demon: you summon and command far more powerful beasts than this pitiful wretch"

I bet Jacob Latris has a cool hand with the ladies. Go to Comment
Igneus Saxum
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Underground)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-02-25 01:25 PM
Poor unhappy swords, I feel really sorry for them. Go to Comment
Igneus Saxum
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-06 03:46 PM
I agree with Cheka in that is a wonderful idea, with a brilliant number of possibilities. But I think the write up is terrible. The voice is redundant, and rambaling. The facts are presented in a very scatter shot manner with short crude sentences and poor physical descriptions. I have read your stuff before and I very much like your writing so much so that I will read posts just because ceasars name on it. So I assume that you were trying something out here. I don't think it worked.

If you are happy with it as is please dismiss this, maybe I wil read this again in a month and think ...now I get it. But if you would like to work on this I would love to get into this and really geek it up with ya! Because this is a great idea. Go to Comment
Litwell
Locations  (Ruins)   (Plains)
Scrasamax's comment on 2014-02-24 11:46 AM
An interesting read, but I had to go back and reread it to figure out what happened because the transport of the Litwellians 500 years into the past into a new place is glossed over in one sentence. I would add a paragraph explaining what you've answered above, about the descendents of the Litwellians eventually returning to their home, because it would help with the cliffhanger.

I was hooked into reading this story, I wanted to know more about the city, and the foolhardy or unlucky men who sweep the road, and about what sort of evil was taking them as they worked. Very good work there. Go to Comment
Litwell
Locations  (Ruins)   (Plains)
Dozus's comment on 2014-02-10 04:08 PM
How interesting! A sad tale, but it would make for an interesting encounter.

I think I'm still a bit lost on the details re: the Litwells current where/whenabouts. Are they just stuck in the past someplace? Do they have to wait 500 years to return? Are they still hanging out with Lucas? Go to Comment
Litwell
Locations  (Ruins)   (Plains)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-02-24 12:37 PM


There is lot of information presented in here. I love that we get a lot of the information through the backchannels of the piece and not in the direct delivery. We have natural born wizards, a constant battle between the will of men (or ten year old boys) and the will of nature that wants to burn up the citizens, and shadow beasts the make are agents of human sacrifice. We also have consistent voice in the piece.



You see the person telling us about the road and the city is same person who knows all the secrets. But that is unknown to us at the beginning of the pieces, because the speaker uses a very passive voice and asserts almost a second person perspective. He also tends to repeat himself and by repeat himself I mean say the same thing two different ways, like saying it twice or three times. You see this repetitive voice, it gives you the sense that there is a bit a folktale quality to story. You are a little more tolerant of uncertainty when your narrator is a little folksy.



But what is the narrator’s point? Why is he telling us this story? I am 100% behind writing game stuff like a writer first not a like a gamer. That demands consistent voice, considerations of perspective and bias. You have done that here, and I love it. But I don’t know what the narrator is getting at besides few cheap surprise moments (clean skeletons, the guy coming back after the event, or the boy blowing up his town). Using this narrator’s voice, you use twice as many words or more than you probably need to describe the town.



The use of voice would be even stronger if there was more back channel delivery of information and you might achieve this if we knew a little more about the narrator and his intentions.



How does the narrator know all this?



How can this narrator, who drops so may little “surprises” on by taking the round about way to get to his/her point and not end this story with climax or a hook? You have weak ending that does not fit the tone of the rest of the piece. The piece by its nature promises a reveal and it does not give us one.



Here is a plot idea:



The people get sent back 500 years and rise to power: spreadout, conquer the world and all that. They then begin to actively support the human sacrifice in Litwell to maintain their defiance of the personified force of history you mention. Thus a plot may be to overthrow the tyrants, you have to stop the human sacrifice in the Litwell, this will pull the tryants ancestors out of time, burn them and eliminate the ruling class. Screw that Litwell return makes everything right idea. HOW CAN YOU HAVE A TIME TRAVEL STORY WITHOUT A PARADOX?

Go to Comment
Litwell
Locations  (Ruins)   (Plains)
caesar193's comment on 2014-02-10 07:26 PM
Lucas burned. The magic consumed him. The spoiled brat died off. As did his family.

As for where the Litwellians are now, well, that shall be examined in an upcoming sub. Basically, there's the continent of Atheus (where Tauria and Litwell are), then another one off to the east of Atheus that the Litwellians got dumped 500 years ago. They are building a soceity and living. Eventually, their descendants will return home. They will come to the ruins of Litwell, and all will be made right. The Litwellians are in Litwell, and thus history will happy. Hopefully, the ambient magics will cease when that happens, and the sorcery-wielding animals killing things in Litwell will go off into the countryside and live life. I hope this answers your question. Go to Comment
Barathra
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2014-01-26 02:05 AM
This is an adventure in itself.

Have any PCs ever came into the multiple levels alive and escaped or is that impossible?

Where do the Devourers go after their "death"?

Loved the story with this. Helped bring the entire area to life for me. Pretty cool ideas! Go to Comment
Barathra
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-01-22 08:08 PM
Very good and original. Go to Comment
Barathra
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Dozus's comment on 2014-02-06 08:05 AM
Wow. There's so much here, and the presentation is lovely.

I'd love to see a write up on Devourers. What happens when they die? Do they go into Congeria as well?

The whole cycle - life in Atheus, to afterlife in Barathra, to magic in Congeria - is wonderful. It's like the Law of Conservation of Energy, but with souls.

Excellent work. Go to Comment
Barathra
Locations  (World)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2014-01-26 10:44 AM
I suppose the living could come to Barathra and escape it, since it's possible to do that with Congeria. However, in both cases it would take an extremely powerful spell, a genius wizard (with a hint of madness to help the creative juices) to come up with the spell, and probably a person who is about to die (or be killed, if you were that callous) so you could hitch a ride with the person's soul. The Devourers might ignore the living, seeing as they feast on souls, not physical matter. Or they might see the living as a delicacy.

On the subject of Devourers, their deaths is something I had not truly thought about. I suppose two things could happen: reincarnation as a baby Devourer, or going to another Land of the Dead. I'm leaning towards reincarnation, though. Go to Comment
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