It would be cooler if the mosquitoes effects were the same as the flower itself, as it would make for an interesting plotline:

After a particularly rainy season, the residents of the swampy town have suddenly been cursed! For no apparent reason, people of the town come down with crazed fear; sometimes a few dozen people in a single day! They either lock themselves away in fear,barricading the doors or flee into the swamp, screaming about imagined horrors Nobody seems to be safe from the curse and it is causing widespread panic!
The pcs have come to investigate, but even they are not immune it seems, especially when they go into the soggy wilderness around the town!

The solution, once they figure out the mosquitos are the problem, is one of three things: find a way to kill the mozzies, raze the entire area of the flower ( so the mosquitoes can't carry it anymore) or find a vaccination by studying the flowers themselves. Go to Comment

Flowers of fear. Go to Comment

3.5/5

As Gossamer said; some spelling and grammatical errors.

Other than that, good effort. Go to Comment

An solid idea, solid write-up. However, do a proof-read and fix up your affect/effects. Also, the following sentence "It also, when it comes time to reproduce, its creates a strong odor that encourages mosquitoes to come to it" just has repeated wordings. Go to Comment

Not really my thing, but this is very well done. The quality of the write-up almost demands that it be used somewhere. I would guess that swamp residents are somewhat familiar with the flower and its effects (unless the flower is an invading species or other unnatural occurrence). They probably would have an antidote or some cautionary advice to give to the PCs. Then it's fair game to use against them. Go to Comment

Actually, caesar has it right:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corps

If offering corrections, you should probably double-check yourself first -- I've almost made the same kind of mistake a dozen times, but Google usually saves me the embarrassment. Go to Comment

I was going to do that, but it would kind of be unfair to the PCs. They'd be trekking through some bog, and then suddenly they flee, raving about conspiracy theories and barbarians. And, naturally, there'd be a bunch of monsters in the swamp waiting to kill of lonely PCs. As well as Will o Wisps, that lure PCs to particularly dangerous areas because the PC thinks that light is his buddies' lantern. And all the other brilliant things a typical DM can do to make the PC's lives interesting.

Then again... I'll consider throwing in a mention of using either lethargy or fear. Maybe I'll change it to an increased interest in finding some Friar's Weed to spread the pollen around. Go to Comment

Yeah, there's is probably a tons of speling and gramer error in they're. I fixes up. Son.

;) did you enjoy that? Go to Comment

Update: Fixed the errors that were described in the comments to me. I'll get around to the other errors. Eventually. Go to Comment

Update: There. I've edited it. Or should I say, for Gossamer's benefit, i've edeting its. Go to Comment

Shouldn't it be; "They're coming", rather than, they were coming?
I'll hold my vote till you clean it up a bit. Go to Comment

Keep it up and you get a zero. :P Go to Comment

Voted. Here are some more typos;

the barbaric races that trying to kill him.

(Besides the forgotten word, I would change, the barbaric races to just; barbarians).

result in the victim sitting down, lieing down

coating the tips of an archer's corps arrows.

(Not sure about this one, but I suppose you meant like a division of Archers? Meaning it should be, archer corp's).

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"Reads more like a short story than a game piece" Why make a distinction? Go to Comment

This is brilliant, it combines many well tread tropes but it also very original to my jaded eyes. I agree with Moon that the mistake section seems a little jumbled and tedious. Why the description of the egg hatching?

At any rate fantastic, as a narrative its great in that I was really interested to find out what the raven would be doing, then when it blew up corpses...well I didn't see that coming.

I really like the journal asides. We learn so much more about your world and your vision from these types of posts as opposed to "gaming" posts that just list facts. Go to Comment

I was a bit torn over whether to give it a 3.5 or 4 when I first read this but I slept on it for a day and now I've decided to vote for the higher one.

Overall, I do think the piece is well-written. I really liked the intro. The idea itself- ravens that can blow up corpses, I'm sort of so-so. At one pt, it did cross my mind that it's not clear why the Raven v.10s want to blow up corpses, a pt that Dossta already mentioned. But then I came up with a reason for it myself that this is a way that makes their feeding on carrion meat easier (i.e. for a normal raven, they need to peck at the corpse but if they can blow the corpse up, their food will already be in a size that's easily consumable) so I didn't deduct any pts from this. What really lost me was the Mistake section with its description of the fight b/w the two opposing sides. What I mean is I get the gist of it but all these refs to the Merthians, Ostarians etc. sort of just got over my head a bit (could be b/c I'm down with a cold at the moment) and this made me want to stop reading this sub. But then the "no one noticed" bits did save the day b/c I found that they have some sort of poetry flair that adds to the flavour of this piece. And also, what definitely sealed in my higher vote was the the idea that the mating b/w a normal crow and a Raven v.10 gave rise to the Raventens. Personally speaking, I just really like the idea that what occurs in natures sometimes is and could be way more terrifying than what humans could construct thru science.
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Reads more like a short story than a game piece, but that's definitely not a bad thing! I found myself becoming absorbed in the development of this unique species. The intro was a little long, but not boring.

As for the bird itself, the descriptions are evocative and the effect unique, but I'm not entirely sure it's plausible. How much force would a corpse have to explode with to kill nearby enemies in armor? Where is that energy coming from (It seems like the raven is "putting" energy into the corpse, not "pulling" it). Does the raven subsist on this same font of energy, or does it need actual flesh and blood? If so, how can it possibly get anything to eat if its food source inevitably blows up?

Its intelligence also seems a little high. Why would it be concerned with things like "bigger returns" from exploding an arm mid-air? Does the bird have an intense desire to kill?

My suggestion would be to somewhat tone down the birds' power. Perhaps a corpse only has a one-in-three chance of exploding, or the raven has to intentionally trigger an explosion once it has stored up enough energy from eating other corpses. Maybe they can only explode every third or so corpse this way. Something like that.

This is so well-written that it's still getting high-marks from me, "fuzzy magic" aside. Glad you finally released it. Go to Comment

Update: I seem to be slightly lost physically, mentally, and emotionally on where I was going on this one. I've been updating it every so often in the segments as shown above. I kind of wanted to make the Raveten more... creepy. Strange. Terrifying. Something more for something that blows up corpses. So, yeah, here it is. The oh-most-beautiful Raveten. Don't give it a corpse. Go to Comment

The Ravetens eyes are black in adulthood. As an infant, their bloodshot. And as for the other phyical changes you suggested, well, I wanted to make it look like a Raven, with a few "tells." Like the silent thing. Go to Comment

As I said, I'm lost on this one physically, mentally, and emotionally. I guess I just don't know what I want with the Raveten. It's just that when I imagine it, I see a regular raven, but twisted slightly. Something... Off about it.

On a side note, what about exploding corpses is not strange or terrifying? Is it normal for the corpse on display on a funeral to suddenly send bone fragments and brain chunks flying at those attending? Is the sight of your buddy's corpse suddenly covering your face, and as you look down at where his corpse used to be you see a regular raven *not* terrifying? Go to Comment