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Armor Restrictions Apply....Of Course
Articles  (Fiction)   (Game Mastering)
MysticMoon's comment on 2015-01-28 10:12 AM

This is hilarious!

I got into gaming at the height of the "D&D is Satanic" furor, so maybe I can appreciate it more. Also, what could be more out of place than arguing with the Devil over Star Trek trivia or multiclassing a friggin Paladin?

"at least a challenge ranking level 20" - lol

Also, at least someone got something out of The Final Frontier :P

The intro was fun, btw. I'm not really sure how I'd use this in a game, but I don't care. It made my day.


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Armor Restrictions Apply....Of Course
Articles  (Fiction)   (Game Mastering)
Darkstand's comment on 2015-01-20 01:53 AM
Not exactly usable at the table.
But hilarious. Go to Comment
Armor Restrictions Apply....Of Course
Articles  (Fiction)   (Game Mastering)
crucifiction's comment on 2015-01-20 01:21 AM
So I can see how you got to the idea from the prompt. It's a church, and it's a hellish looking figure. I can definitely see the connection to the devil playing D&D.

But in the execution of your idea, you've lampshaded the real-life situation of D&D being linked to satanic worship, and then you've averted your lampshading of it by linking D&D to the devil. In fact, the way you bring in that lampshading is sort of odd to read as well.

That first paragraph goes like this:

"Eugene Simons’s mother was the secretary, and all around business manger for the St. Zita’s Lutheran church in Bucknell, Oklahoma. Eugen had other connections to the church as well. Eugene’s grandfather, Eugene Collins-Smith, had donated the land on which the church stood. The long driveway to the church weaved between farmland still owned by Eugene’s family, and worked by his cousins. Eugene himself worked as a janitor, and handyman at the church three nights a week. Thus after his divorce, he asked for and was given permission to move his weekly Dungeons and Dragons game into the youth room in the church basement on any night save Sunday or Wednesday. Though his mother thought it strange, he assured her that those silly associations of role-playing with satanism had long since been debunked as alarmist attention-getting fear-mongering."

I would remove that second sentence where it says "he had other connections to the church as well". That sentence goes nowhere. Just tell us what connections he has. His grandfather donating the land? That feels like a plot hook. Eugene works as a custodian, not a janitor. Apparently they don't like being called janitors.

His divorce? DEFINITELY A PLOT HOOK. The devil is the prince of lies. He's the guy who tempts you when you're weak. And divorce is the breaking of a sacred covenant entered into before the eyes of God (I don't personally believe that, but it's true for some). Any conversation with the devil would have him (or her in this case) pointing out the weakness of the person's character, etc. You don't even need to go that far, but I would expect it to be brought up. Otherwise, why even mention it? Backstory is only useful if it comes back to haunt the characters.

And then you threw in the bit about D&D not being satanic. Which feels like forced foreshadowing. Forelighting, if you will. Like I said, you've sort of lampshaded D&D's past, pointing out how silly it is that people would think that, and then you're averting that to say that the fears about D&D were always correct. Honestly, I'd just remove the sentence about him convincing his mother.

There's enough tension in the idea of the devil entering a church to play D&D without forcing it.

All in all, I found it sort of strange. While reading it, I felt like you'd latched onto a few ideas at the start, and then tried to rush through them in an effort to connect it to the prompt. The Star Trek references came out of nowhere, and the multiclassing/armour restrictions bit could have been changed to anything and it would have been exactly the same. In fact, even after the mc asks the devil why they need a halfling paladin/mage, the answer is avoided and then not brought up. Which just begs the question: why the hell does the devil need a paladin/mage? Are you trying to make it seem like the devil needs this character for

With this premise, you could have kept the silliness factor the same, but made the devil into a much more enigmatic figure. There's a lot of potential dramatic tension with the devil playing D&D in a little church basement in Oklahoma.

That tension sort of goes out the window when it's all just so that the devil is trying to get a specific class combo for... no reason. And then DM fiat is what makes the devil summon a gargantuan beast. The bit about "aunt Julie's .38" and his "cobalt blue 2002 F150" feel a bit out of place.

I feel like a lot of the potential of this premise could have been executed better. It also needs to be proofread.

What I feel like it really lacks is a sense of build-up and follow-through. All of the build-up (Eugene's backstory at the beginning) goes nowhere, and the things which ARE built-up (his divorce, grandfather having owned the land) go absolutely nowhere. And then the things that do happen (Molly being the devil, wanting a paladin/mage) have no build-up to lead into them.

And then there's no follow-through. We don't find out why Molly needed the multiclass so badly, and we don't know why Eugene wouldn't have let her.

It ends with more questions asked than answered, in my opinion. I'd have voted with at least a 4 if it was proofread, had a good build-up with less tangents about D&D and satanism, and Star Trek, and there was some good tension between Molly as the devil and Eugene. Because this premise really has some great potential.

And I'd really love to see a much better reasoning behind the devil's tantrum, to be honest. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Scrasamax's comment on 2015-01-18 01:06 PM
This submission has a great retro feel to it, and I like the atypical motivations of the mind flayer, and how it's psyche is very different from human, needing torment and nightmares to fuel it rather than love and social acceptance. The point of being blind in natural sunlight is very interesting, and is perhaps my favorite part of the submission. We tend to forget to attribute supernatural aspects to sunlight, despite the old tradition of it being anathema to vampires and weakening other forms of undead. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2016-03-27 10:34 PM
So true.The only books I can recall reading about the Mind Flayer are the Forgotten Realms books. More than one of them have mention of them but they are never really the Main Main Antagonists. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2016-03-27 10:37 PM
This has a very huge retro feel as has been said and I love it. It is definitely early DnD modules of the Keep on the Borderlands path. I love it. And as a side note... Mind Flayers, Illithids... whatever you wish to call them can all burn in hell. I hate them. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2015-01-23 10:04 PM
This is a great sub. It seems at first to be a whole bunch of fairly disparate elements, but they all come together to make a very strong plot. And while it's written for fantasy, I think you could pretty easily carry this forwards into modern times. I'm particularly fond of the take on mind flayers, which I think is a great alternative to the hives we normally get.

If I were running it, I think I might be inclined to not reveal Illah until a bit later in the adventure. Ideally, I think I would want to try to push it from appearing that Rodchenko is exploiting random attacks, to his working with some wicked partner, to his working with something that he's a fool to believe he could possibly control. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Murometz's comment on 2015-01-23 10:19 PM
Yeah, I love this sub so much! I have to echo Scras in that my immediate first thought was, this reads so retro! I love Rodchenko! This is just a fantastic pair brought to life! Everything really, the story, their personalities, the image of Rodchenko (I won't lie), even the format, is perfect. Is Illah supposed to be Ilya? If so, I'm hurt. I usually don't antagonize. :P

Rodchenko is the greatest natural swordsman in the world (somebody has to be). Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-18 09:29 AM
Thanks to Poison Alchemist for the feedback and proof reading! Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-19 12:40 AM


Speaking to that retro feel, that may be in part because this centers on a Mind Flayer which is still a pretty esoteric monster. The Mind Flayer's squidy visage is still a flag for the true geek community.



Fantasy and Sci-fi is enjoying a golden age now with vampires, lycans, superheros, zombies, wizards and dragon mamas enjoying mainstream success. In 1974 I would wager that the majority of americans did not have a mental image of an Orc. Today you would have to be living on a Roc to not have a least a conception of an orc (yeah they might get it confused with a goblin or troll) but the Mind Flayer is still ours. But as the Dawn Breaks open the markets for speculative fiction a Twilight descends on what was once a Secret Circle of knowledge and learning. Under that Dome we knew what Tenser's floating disk was and we knew it had nothing to do with Disk World. Now though the main stream media is Staking a claim to the undead and the mystical, and twisting them away from the ideals held by the unwashed masses that could correctly pronounce acronyms like T.H.A.C.O. or G.U.R.P.S.. Some things are still pure though; the beholder, the rust monster, the displacer beast and of course the Mind Flayer.



And until somebody writes a best selling book or movie about a sexy noble Mind Flayer who flatters a small town girl to ruin than we can keep some pure memories of rolling 20 sided dice in our garages. Perhaps that is why Mind Flayers are retro. Mind Flayers are still clean.

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The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2015-01-18 01:06 PM
curse . - curse.
These attack - These attacks
paranoid or violent - paranoid, or violent

Realized I had to get dressed at some point. and started just scrolling down.
Got suckered in again.

swordsman in the world. (somebody has to be) - swordsman in the world (somebody has to be).
Blademaster title - Blademaster titles
lives, he is defensive - lives: defensively
able to mastered it - able to master it
had never used it and he cannot use it - has not and cannot use it

Sorry, I can't turn it off. I'll finish reading and give you proper comments later. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2015-01-18 02:10 PM
Truly excellent. I love how visceral and intimate the description of his encounter with Dwana is. The plot is very solid and everyone has interesting motives and feels like a fully realized person. Your explanations of the setup, necessary elements, and events are clear but broadly defined enough for wiggle room. Very good. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
custos's comment on 2016-01-29 06:42 AM
Loved it, it will go straight to my campaign. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
BlackShuck's comment on 2015-01-18 03:51 AM
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-16 03:23 AM
This Chapter, esp. the bell curve bit, hits my amused button so much that I failed to see anything major to change. Good work. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Scrasamax's comment on 2015-01-18 01:49 PM
As you can see I've done this properly. My Chair and eat rig is being pulled by a proper hobbitish draft pony, and inside you will find bangers and mash, a no-spill tureen of red eye gravy, and a fresh pouch of pipeweed.

When it comes to a chair and eat rig, the most important thing is power, so instead of a silly hobbitish pony, I've seen fit to attack my rig to a chariot horse team, count them, two horse power! (cart goes off at a break neck pace, seconds later tipping over, making a mess and promptly catching on fire while the chariot horses break away and go crashing through a fence)

While those two knuckleheads are bickering about proper and power, I'm just going to sneak in with this, a half sized chair and eat, stocked with a bunch of fruit and biscuits, and it's pulled by look at that, an adorable pair of goats. (wagon goes twenty feet, then goat gets tangled in harness, and eats the fruit biscuits while waiting to be untangled)

And on that bombshell, we say good night and see you next time Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Cheka Man's comment on 2015-01-16 06:40 PM
A nice little thing to add to a world. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2015-01-16 05:33 PM
I like it. It's got a nice hobbit feel to it and makes good background flavor for a game. Perhaps PCs meet with their contact at a race, or have to hijack a rig to catch another one loaded with poisoned food. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Murometz's comment on 2015-01-15 03:28 PM
Cute. Can see these competitions happening in the shire. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-16 08:14 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypyy3VGsmF8

But if you really hate hobbits, please consider making them your replacement for goblins. You could take everything hobbity and twist it towards malevolence. No unlike the town council in "Hot Fuzz". Go to Comment
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