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The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-18 09:29 AM
Thanks to Poison Alchemist for the feedback and proof reading! Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-19 12:40 AM


Speaking to that retro feel, that may be in part because this centers on a Mind Flayer which is still a pretty esoteric monster. The Mind Flayer's squidy visage is still a flag for the true geek community.



Fantasy and Sci-fi is enjoying a golden age now with vampires, lycans, superheros, zombies, wizards and dragon mamas enjoying mainstream success. In 1974 I would wager that the majority of americans did not have a mental image of an Orc. Today you would have to be living on a Roc to not have a least a conception of an orc (yeah they might get it confused with a goblin or troll) but the Mind Flayer is still ours. But as the Dawn Breaks open the markets for speculative fiction a Twilight descends on what was once a Secret Circle of knowledge and learning. Under that Dome we knew what Tenser's floating disk was and we knew it had nothing to do with Disk World. Now though the main stream media is Staking a claim to the undead and the mystical, and twisting them away from the ideals held by the unwashed masses that could correctly pronounce acronyms like T.H.A.C.O. or G.U.R.P.S.. Some things are still pure though; the beholder, the rust monster, the displacer beast and of course the Mind Flayer.



And until somebody writes a best selling book or movie about a sexy noble Mind Flayer who flatters a small town girl to ruin than we can keep some pure memories of rolling 20 sided dice in our garages. Perhaps that is why Mind Flayers are retro. Mind Flayers are still clean.

Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2015-01-18 01:06 PM
curse . - curse.
These attack - These attacks
paranoid or violent - paranoid, or violent

Realized I had to get dressed at some point. and started just scrolling down.
Got suckered in again.

swordsman in the world. (somebody has to be) - swordsman in the world (somebody has to be).
Blademaster title - Blademaster titles
lives, he is defensive - lives: defensively
able to mastered it - able to master it
had never used it and he cannot use it - has not and cannot use it

Sorry, I can't turn it off. I'll finish reading and give you proper comments later. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2015-01-18 02:10 PM
Truly excellent. I love how visceral and intimate the description of his encounter with Dwana is. The plot is very solid and everyone has interesting motives and feels like a fully realized person. Your explanations of the setup, necessary elements, and events are clear but broadly defined enough for wiggle room. Very good. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
custos's comment on 2016-01-29 06:42 AM
Loved it, it will go straight to my campaign. Go to Comment
The Last Mind Flayer
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
BlackShuck's comment on 2015-01-18 03:51 AM
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-16 03:23 AM
This Chapter, esp. the bell curve bit, hits my amused button so much that I failed to see anything major to change. Good work. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Scrasamax's comment on 2015-01-18 01:49 PM
As you can see I've done this properly. My Chair and eat rig is being pulled by a proper hobbitish draft pony, and inside you will find bangers and mash, a no-spill tureen of red eye gravy, and a fresh pouch of pipeweed.

When it comes to a chair and eat rig, the most important thing is power, so instead of a silly hobbitish pony, I've seen fit to attack my rig to a chariot horse team, count them, two horse power! (cart goes off at a break neck pace, seconds later tipping over, making a mess and promptly catching on fire while the chariot horses break away and go crashing through a fence)

While those two knuckleheads are bickering about proper and power, I'm just going to sneak in with this, a half sized chair and eat, stocked with a bunch of fruit and biscuits, and it's pulled by look at that, an adorable pair of goats. (wagon goes twenty feet, then goat gets tangled in harness, and eats the fruit biscuits while waiting to be untangled)

And on that bombshell, we say good night and see you next time Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Cheka Man's comment on 2015-01-16 06:40 PM
A nice little thing to add to a world. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2015-01-16 05:33 PM
I like it. It's got a nice hobbit feel to it and makes good background flavor for a game. Perhaps PCs meet with their contact at a race, or have to hijack a rig to catch another one loaded with poisoned food. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Murometz's comment on 2015-01-15 03:28 PM
Cute. Can see these competitions happening in the shire. Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-16 08:14 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypyy3VGsmF8

But if you really hate hobbits, please consider making them your replacement for goblins. You could take everything hobbity and twist it towards malevolence. No unlike the town council in "Hot Fuzz". Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
valadaar's comment on 2016-04-13 03:09 PM
Great, now I'm hungry.
Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Aramax's comment on 2015-01-16 07:27 AM
Made me smile. Totatly hobbity. If I didnt hate hobbits Totatly.
I'd use this 4/5

commenting challange Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Aramax's comment on 2015-01-16 08:53 AM
If your cooking is too good you might have a disadvantage in race! LOL Go to Comment
Hobbit Chair and Eat Racing
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-15 05:42 PM
+0.5 for being part of the Freetext Friday and like Muro said, just cute and a "ready-to-drop" element for the Shire. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-15 08:24 AM
First, Thanks for the comment!
Second. No, it is not finished in as much as there will be a follow up posts. I have modeled this on Moonlake's "Return of the White Deer" posts. It is a different style of posting, and I am never sure how to vote on it either.
Third: I would love some proof reading thanks for asking! But I am trying to take a risk with some of the spoken dialog, and make that a little inaccessible, oddly phrased and poorly worded at times. But other than the spoken dialog if the grammar or spelling is off or there seems to be a word missing then it is likely a true error. And there are likely a lot of them, Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-15 05:39 PM
Write what you know Go to Comment
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-15 05:09 PM
*jumps into the conversation upon hearing own name* Well, I never thought about the voting business because I posted in such a way purely because I myself have an aversion to reading works of length on the site so I posted in Chapters format for easy reading.

I'm yet to read the Earth part (spent whole of yesterday practically in chat). Axle, you sure that the jumbled dialogue is intentional as opposed to the product of this being a Drunken Guild sub? :P Go to Comment
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-15 05:39 PM
Okay, just finished. The intentionally odd dialogue wasn't so bad overall but at the start it wasn't clear to me that Emily spoke that way because of the Serimax (I originally thought it was just a med for your nerves as opposed to sth like the dope that could get you high) and so I thought that was just a product of this being a Oekaki thing that seems to be your normal mode of operation.

I like the action packed start and the odd bit there indicating Emily was high on sth. Sci-fi normally isn't my thing but this so far I can handle (why I can't handle sci fi usually is b/c of drawn out explanations of how all the awesome tech works, they flow over my head and I just cannot comprehend).

Nothing much to fix in my opinion except regarding clarity in the early part of Emily's odd speech and the question marks currently missing across the board (very consistent behaviour for someone drunk :P). Go to Comment
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