My main issue with this is stylistic, it is the names. They are, frankly, in my opinion, terrible.
But I somewhat enjoy the social status quirk (given that social status is a big part of my settings), and the sun connection is interesting, though not revolutionary. Go to Comment
There are a few typos that spellcheck didnt find, mainly instances of the wrong word being used, done instead of down being the first that comes to mind. The power of the weapon is a bit hard to understand, that it removes someone from consensual memory, but ony for a little while, and said power is tied to the swordbearer's social status. I think that is a bit to inconsistant for my tastes. I did like how the sun would always find the sword so long as it was in the sky.
I liked the names at first, Applelonia (though I might have spelled it Appelonia), Sontecan, Fredomahat these had this great kind of mesoamerican feel followed by...Miguel? I didn't like that part of the name, and I know I shouldn't complain about that, but it really sticks out. Go to Comment
As to the social status thing, I was trying get away from the modern idea that social rank or status is self determined. In many ancient cultures a King and peasant or Warrior and a scholar where consider intrinsically different. Go to Comment
So in the last D&D game I ran I used this item. It ended up in the hands of the comic relief PC. A barbarian fighter from an uncivilized nation named Durr. He employed the standard rude ignorant unsocialized fighter with a lack of self awareness that has been a staple character of many an RPG group He used the sword as a primary weapon, which perhaps I should have discouraged more.
At any rate, the whole effect of the sword became more of an on-going gag. Since the sword removed the memory and trace of its kill the other PCs would often tease Durr about not contributing to the battle. In the case that Durr got the kill strike on a major opponent the smartass PC (the halfling fighter-thief. I swear the other characters were all played against sterotype....except maybe the bard) would never fail to use the situation created by the sword to undermine any respect or recognition Durr may have received from slaying a high level enemy.
So perhaps not the most well thought out of items in term of game mechanics. But good times, thanks Durr and Tweed if you happen upon this. Go to Comment
I enjoyed it. A really cool idea having humans take on a Dwarven religion and describing how they do it and make it work. The letter basically did everything it needs to do so the blurb at the end was basically cliff notes. Well done and it looks like it was a great update that not many others have read yet. Thanks for updating it...6 years ago. ;) Go to Comment
What they said. Me, I have to say that I like the ideas in it - not quite the typical D&D Dwarven god, but it has the flavour of their race. Definitely put the Oaths higher! Break free out of the format and make the priesthood and religion shine.
Humans have a disctinct symbol and apparently their own sect, so it may be interesting to hear the history behind it, for they would worship the deity slightly differently. Go to Comment
It is a good idea, just executed in a system specific format. What you need to do is convert this into description, rather than counting on the game mechanics (which the characters do not know).
You should pump up the description. The last part of the description helps to explain a bit about this organization. This needs to be the begining so it explains the organization... The oaths should be added to it all.
Explaining what you mean by Lawful Neutral might be handy as well. As that seems to have quite a range of expression.
Powers and game mechanics need to be described rather than stated. Not everyone knows what this means. I could post Hero system systems but few of you would know what 3d6k ap 2 step end -2.5 limits see standards 16 pt. You need to add what the terms mean so people can adapt them.
The deity needs to be expanded and explained. The second paragraph is a good start. This write up is like saying "The Christian God is the ultimate power with three aspects: father, son, and ghost." Yes it is correct but it would not do explaining this God to someone who did not know it.
A couple of odd points:
Why no warriors for church?
Why would Humans be drawn to this specifically Dwarven God? It does everything for Dwarves... what in it is for Humans? Go to Comment
Axelrowes, more of the people reading this submission will find it of interest if you rewrite it to eliminate the "AD&D speak". While most of the "Strolenites" know what you're talking about, it distracts from the cooler things that you have present.
Tell us more about what these priests do and how they do it. Go to Comment
Well, that was certainly a long read. I can understand some of your player's frustrations in not getting their hands on Root. After reading about what he did and everything they did following him, I would be pretty cheesed off too! I think I would like to see Root as an NPC submission, and I thought the bit about Root fighting the caretakers/pimps was both funny and realistic. Go to Comment