The Flavor text seem a bit disjointed and stilted to me.
Some mechanical questions...
How do you get sails or a water tight ship without skin? So bones won't just do it. Or there should be some limitation mentioned based on the "raw material" available.
Ranges in terms of timing and effect would of been nice. It is a bit vague, but the GM will have to adapt it to their spell system set anyways.
Maintaing the spell should require some kind of check for longer periods of time or saves vs distraction (yes, being at the mercy of your necromancer's attention span does suck). Mana point systems can form a secondary payout to maintain the spell. (Or you can burn a spell slot to maintain the spell).
You should include a section of the spell to base the size of the ship (which is probably determined by the caster) given the amount of raw material. Rough estimates of mass of bodies to mass of ship. Go to Comment
Very nice. The flavor text in the beginning is juicy, but leaves me unsatisfied. I would love to see more history on this spell and the person who created it. But it looks like a pretty solid necro-nautical (Yes, that is fun to type) creation. I will add it to the codex for you. In the future, it works best if you add the submission number when apostrophes are involved. Go to Comment
A rather gruesome ship. I imagine this being cast in small seas that are often fought in - the Bosporus or the like - and the spell dragging up dead of ancient wars from the sea bed.
My one quibble is with the timing of the ship's formation. I get an almost comical image when I picture hundreds of corpses scrambling together for, say, a Spanish galleon in about a minute. Maybe a time table based on ship size would be more accurate? But that's mostly system-side stuff, so I forgive it. Go to Comment
The imagery works well for me. Visualizing the spell-caster casting this macabre necro-nautical (necro-nautical is fun to type :p) spell is enough to pique my imagination. You know, it almost reminds me of a type of spell Elric of Melnibone or the wizards of Pan Taang would use, such as the Noose of Flesh, as a similar example, wherein a dead battlefield of bodies re-animates as a huge, ever-growing mass of flesh, and engulfs and suffocates an oncoming army.
Nice touches on the ship being able to perceive the world around it, and the fact that at least one corpse needs to know his starboard from his aft :)
I'll probably change the name of "Heather" when I use this but otherwise, good stuff! Go to Comment
"The duration does not jive with it being able to survive long enough to become bleached yellow, since the caster will need to sleep sometime and that will stop concentration."
I anticipated this question. I think it depends on the system. In a point based magic system, the PC may just allocate a number of their spell points to maintaining the boat. I wanted to differentiate between actively concentrating on the ship, which was not my intention, and maintaining the ship through a focus of arcane power. How should I rephrase that? Go to Comment
All your questions revolve around system of magic and GM preference. I am not going to get into it anymore then I have.
But you did hit on thing I have wanted to improve about this post, as too spell "Maintaing" I did envision on ongoing pay out for a point system or burning one of the spell slots per day. I wanted to get at that without sounding system specific, but you are the second person to bring this up so I am failing. I changed it once as Manfred had suggested, prior to your post. What do you suggest I say about duration?
Let me start by saying
“vladimir ilyich ulyanov…V.I. F@$&ING LENIN”
Short answer: I was being sarcastic…sort of
At the time this was written, there was another guy posting, essentially trolling, (and I wish I still had his write up-in fact I will send him a PM maybe he gets email alerts and will get back to me) but this guy pointed out a series of events. Anyway what he wrote up was more or less as follows-
First MH responded to two comments I made (one comment I made to his scenes from a modern city-I don’t remember the other one). Then within minutes of responding to my comments on his post he made two rather angry tone comments on my post, he posted to two very negative comments on my two highest rated posts. They were old posts, not on the main page anymore, so he would have had to look them up. Anyway this third party guy, wrote a long write up about it and PMed it to me-Moonhunter and some other people.
I told the guy, his name/handle was non-contrived name (cute-huh), to stop messing with me. Because discussions about what somebody meant on a message board are generally banal. And despite the clear and convincing evidence that Moonhunter was being retaliatory or vindictive, there will be nothing gained by making a big deal about. (You have to own it Moon) Cause it was obvious this third party was just trying to stir up crap and Moonhunter and I agreed to drop it. So my comments that Moon was being vindictive was a statement to the moot nature of such vindictive gestures (whether made by Moon or by contrived name). At worst I have to ignore a vindictive post and at best, I respond to it and it makes my post better. But you are right, it is a distraction from the post I will remove it. Go to Comment
well the post does say flesh and bone corpses? How would you word it and what limitations would you put on it.
As for the spell working too fast, I do remember one time almost getting into a exchange about whether or not is was reasonable for somebody to move 30 ft and cast a fireball spell. Then it hit me....
Finally, I did envision this as a high level spell or expensive spell if you are using a point system. I tried to indicate that with the flavor text describing to obviously powerful individuals who out lived everyone else. So you think the sub would be stronger if I said this can only be cast by high level/power necromancers. Go to Comment
Ah when I submitted this on the Grey Citadel (bracket) strong (bracket) translated to bold but now on Sepia Citadel I have to go back to the old bold ....I don't even want to look at the order of the single cut. still need to change all the s to s. But first I going to go back up my old 3.5 floppies. Go to Comment
The duration does not jive with it being able to survive long enough to become bleached yellow, since the caster will need to sleep sometime and that will stop concentration.
Though a minor quibble - the term buffs to indicate spell protections strikes me as highly anachronistic. Gamespeak as it were. If it were in the main text, rather then an actual character's dialog, I would not have cared. Go to Comment
Wonderfully ghouslish addition to the necromancer spell listings, and finding the wreckage of this nasty ship could make for a stomach churning encounter on some remote island (especially if the creator is still lurking near by.