Now this isn't my preferred game genre, but I can see it being put to good use. Mech units - really, most military units - have someone in the background to take care of things while they rise to their glory or death. It's a solid amount of information but not too much, suitable as a template for another game or even to take over most of it.
There are some minor typos and the formatting could be improved, as with any complicated list - but those are minor quibbles. (If you plan to build upon it, you should consider splitting it into a scroll.) I am tempted to add a bit more potential for conflict to the personalities, though I see it may be intentional to keep things run smoothly (also to be expected in an elite unit). In general though, it is a well-written aid few would want to write, but many would welcome to have. Go to Comment
It is hard to write "extras" that are engaging, especially when there is a group of them. While not my favorite setting, I understand this one. These are the "other company" that backs you up and fills out the situation, so you can go be dangerous/ heroic. It fills a valuable nitch.
Plus for being extras (a seldom used category) minus because the officers and notable figures did not engage me at all. Go to Comment
Hmm. Wouldn't fit into a Starship Troopers kind of game. After all, one of the primary rules of the Mobile Infantry that Heinlein made was that every man in a unit fights, regardless of other roles on the field. However, this is an incredibly thorough look at battlefield logistics that could fit into just about any other game. Bravo! Go to Comment
You could say the ship is under control while the caster supplies the magical power, or something to that effect. This does not say anything about concentration, or what happens when the power runs out - some ships would just fall apart, others will find their existence acceptable enough to endure.
(Oh, and by the way: if such a ship is for long enough without control, it might well learn something about independence... and turn against its creator.) Go to Comment
The Flavor text seem a bit disjointed and stilted to me.
Some mechanical questions...
How do you get sails or a water tight ship without skin? So bones won't just do it. Or there should be some limitation mentioned based on the "raw material" available.
Ranges in terms of timing and effect would of been nice. It is a bit vague, but the GM will have to adapt it to their spell system set anyways.
Maintaing the spell should require some kind of check for longer periods of time or saves vs distraction (yes, being at the mercy of your necromancer's attention span does suck). Mana point systems can form a secondary payout to maintain the spell. (Or you can burn a spell slot to maintain the spell).
You should include a section of the spell to base the size of the ship (which is probably determined by the caster) given the amount of raw material. Rough estimates of mass of bodies to mass of ship. Go to Comment
Very nice. The flavor text in the beginning is juicy, but leaves me unsatisfied. I would love to see more history on this spell and the person who created it. But it looks like a pretty solid necro-nautical (Yes, that is fun to type) creation. I will add it to the codex for you. In the future, it works best if you add the submission number when apostrophes are involved. Go to Comment
A rather gruesome ship. I imagine this being cast in small seas that are often fought in - the Bosporus or the like - and the spell dragging up dead of ancient wars from the sea bed.
My one quibble is with the timing of the ship's formation. I get an almost comical image when I picture hundreds of corpses scrambling together for, say, a Spanish galleon in about a minute. Maybe a time table based on ship size would be more accurate? But that's mostly system-side stuff, so I forgive it. Go to Comment
The imagery works well for me. Visualizing the spell-caster casting this macabre necro-nautical (necro-nautical is fun to type :p) spell is enough to pique my imagination. You know, it almost reminds me of a type of spell Elric of Melnibone or the wizards of Pan Taang would use, such as the Noose of Flesh, as a similar example, wherein a dead battlefield of bodies re-animates as a huge, ever-growing mass of flesh, and engulfs and suffocates an oncoming army.
Nice touches on the ship being able to perceive the world around it, and the fact that at least one corpse needs to know his starboard from his aft :)
I'll probably change the name of "Heather" when I use this but otherwise, good stuff! Go to Comment