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The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Strolen's comment on 2013-04-10 03:52 AM
I think it might have scrambled my brain and I feel like my memory was sacrificed by the end. :)

I agree with caesar, I would very much prefer a wrap-up to pull these threads together so I understand what you think I should understand. Maybe put a separator to show what is written post challenge if you don't want to tweak the main submission to keep it pure.

One part that did confuse me. He writes the storm because it will return whereas the murder will not. Which infers that they use the historical "truths" to help with the future? But then the "I have no child" would go counter to previously written "truths" of her having a daughter so I am not sure how that balances. Seems to me that the cultists, once their "truths" are filed would mean nothing to them since they are in the moment so the use of the storm wouldn't be useful at all, they are just recorders. And wouldn't other recorders want to document the loss of a child as their interest? How many are there? Just caught me as confusing. Crayons, I like some things written in small words and crayons.

Also, as val mentioned, it is more of a fiction piece as it doesn't really give us anything to use as a society, while it definitely entertains. Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Strolen's comment on 2013-04-10 03:55 AM
I don't think it needs the nitty-gritty, just a little more to make it cohesive and self-sustaining. Right now it leaves more questions than it answers. I would prefer a single, well-defined unanswered question about the heredity cycle or how they became civilized vs. trying to figure out all the rest as well.

I do like it, it is just complex in its current state. Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 09:47 PM
Thanks for the comments guys, you brought up a lot possiblities I hadn't thought of. I wrote this in 30 minutes as dictated by scars's writing challenge, (full disclosure...somebody proof read it, though not very well and I added the title and summary after 30 minutes). Looking over it know the thought process is pretty evident, the first character is writing but has run out of time. I added a bunch details to stall while I came up with a "plot" The next character is getting impatient and the story ends without a resolution. So I really don't have answers to your questions, the bird men were born in the first paragraph. I could make some up, but should I? If the literal message of the story is about perspective, and personal versus societal truth..should I add a nitty-gritty?

Anyway I can add stuff to the idea section. Thanks again for the notes! Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 09:54 PM
Update: fixed the pronouns and the tenses...thanks again scras! Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-06 07:13 AM


I am sorry never really read this comment before, I fixed the thing about I have no daughter...that did not make sense you're right.



As for the guy with the book of truths and the truths, I was inspired to write this because when I was in college it came out the college was under reporting campus crime or down grading campus crime to make the campus seem safer and more pleasant. So when I sat down with a timer set to 30 minutes and the "quest" as my inspiration I tried to think of cults I had known in life.



The big ten wanted to seem wholesome. That is what the chief bird guy is doing here, I tried to paint the writing as something as he enjoyed for the writing's sake. His justifications for covering the storm and not writing about the murder are flawed, and intended them to be perceived this way. I was trying to communicate that he was not writing about crime or violence because he did not like it, and he enjoyed writing about stuff like storms.



I tried to confirm this later when the anthropologist's husband is going through the old records and notes that society changes. But that change is likely due to record keeping, not a change in behavior, or at least all the records are dubious after the events of the story. Then when Postlincoln tries to tell her husband about the murder and the report or lack there of, she finds it difficult to speak about it. She is tried and uncomfortable and in that moment she herself decides that she would rather ignore the murder, even if just for a little while, so she can go to sleep.



If any of this failed to come through it is my fault as a writer, and I really need this type feedback to improve. So thank you, sincerely.

Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
valadaar's comment on 2013-03-21 03:15 PM
This has the feel of a shortstory, I think it works well. Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
Dossta's comment on 2013-03-13 01:02 PM
Another highly atmospheric, thought-provoking piece, axle. I definitely agree with caesar here -- adding a small blurb to the end, even as a quote box, to give us more of the nitty-gritty would be very welcome. At the end, I was left wondering if the Truth Cult had actually managed to scramble Emanuel's brain, or if that was just a side effect of being tired.

Either way, I love these bird-people, and love the premise. I don't use SciFi settings nearly often enough, but I might take the idea for the cult whole-cloth and try to apply it to a fantasy race or even to a human population. They dynamics would change somewhat, but I think it would be cool to see. Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
caesar193's comment on 2013-03-13 09:07 AM
Great job, axelrowes. The backstory is really good. And creepy.

My only suggestion would be to throw a brief description of everything at the end. Like maybe a little something about the bird-things, and a little something more about the Cult. Something that sets in stone your idea of the Cult. Maybe add the consequences of writing Truth without the sun. A little something you couldn't add during the actual writing of the story.

Nice job, axelrowes! Caesar193 seal of approval. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
Scrasamax's comment on 2013-01-13 09:04 AM
I swear I voted and commented on this already. I like the use of images in the post, and it has a very solid Shadowrun feel to it. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-11 11:35 PM
Update: Just joined Drunk writer's guild, there is no way this comes out formatted....holding my breath and my drink while I hit submit. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-11 11:36 PM
Update: Just joined Drunk writer's guild, there is no way this comes out formatted....holding my breath and my drink while I hit submit. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-12 10:08 AM
made few changes, I am okay with it Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-02-08 09:59 AM
Update: I just happen to look at this an realized a whole paragraph was missing. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-10 09:34 PM
that is exactly what this was Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
valadaar's comment on 2015-07-30 11:35 AM
A great background piece - like the tone and use of artwork.
Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-03-10 09:25 PM
It has a nice Shadowrun flavor to it, and delivers without being too dry or factual, with the images a nice touch.

One could easily use this as a player handout for the decker that goes digging into NACA origins. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
Ted's comment on 2013-01-12 03:00 AM
I'm starting to find that carefully going through with the HTML editor can do a lot more than the WYSIWYG editor- because the later will often butcher things as you get further along and render incorrectly once all is said and done. Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
Ted's comment on 2013-01-12 11:36 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
North American Congressional Army (NACA or Nay-Say)
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (World Wide)
Nocontrivedname's comment on 2009-03-31 11:55 PM
Hey A.R.

I see why you never submitted this. It is a mess and likely useless. If you were to write up the cultures or even the food maybe that would be useful but one large write up of an entire culture from their history to what they like to have for dinner is useless I think. I think most everyone will agree that roleplayers just need a handful details they can hold onto about a culture.

Example

Drinks a clear liquor with most meals

Wears fur hats.

Pale and fair haired with high cheek bones.

Fatalistic, stoic and cynical.

Preferred weapon is the war hammer.

There you go, you have Russians.

Maybe, if you ever get around to it, you should break this up.

NCN Go to Comment
Sengur of the Warkra
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-09 07:09 PM
can't get this formatted Go to Comment
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