Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2014-03-28 11:31 PM
I confess I have a hard time commenting on this one - this kind of sci-fi is not so much my thing. There's something to be said for a psychic martial artist war mech, though, I suppose. And it could make a good looming destruction sort of enemy, I think. You recommend not fighting it, but it seems a little odd to create such a menace and then not involve it in combat.

The locusts are pretty horrifying - enough so that I almost feel that they would be better off as their own submission, with perhaps a link between the two. Go to Comment
Murometz's comment on 2014-12-17 03:55 PM
Really cool character here! A ballet dancer...and then bam! The locusts are creepy good too! Enjoyed reading this. Go to Comment
Aramax's comment on 2014-12-16 08:47 AM
Very few Ideas here,I would use without modification. Id always change some little parts here or there.(Not counting the setting ,of course). This over looked master piece is PERFECT in that I would use it WITHOUT modifacation! Not to mention thr Griffon is one of the shapest looking Mechs. I have a quibble or two but I'm going to keep them to myself,in that I don't want you to change a single word. Go to Comment
Aramax's comment on 2015-02-13 01:09 PM
HoHed again cause this needs luv Go to Comment
Aramax's comment on 2016-04-02 09:21 AM
Still needs more Luv!!!!!!!!!! Go to Comment
The Nightmare Demons of Sorrow
Plots  (Mystical)   (Mini-Campaign)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2014-03-14 05:43 PM
The idea of demons which torment people in their sleep is a somewhat familiar one, but these guys have a more philosophical bent to them which is interesting. The demons themselves are certainly interesting.

I do think I would be inclined to extend the exorcism a bit more than in your example. That is, rather than calling out the demon so explicitly, I might prefer to make that bit into more of a mystery/clue hunt kind of thing. Go to Comment
The Nightmare Demons of Sorrow
Plots  (Mystical)   (Mini-Campaign)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-07-12 01:47 AM
This sub could use a once-over since there are typos that impede understanding (only slightly but still) at places. Sounds like a good set of adventures that could incorporate both a combat solution and a more puzzle type solution. And I just happen to let the theme of this sub quite a bit. Go to Comment
Parna's Cradle and the Golden Stamp
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Plains)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-27 09:49 AM
Good catch thanks: fIxed that sentence and broke up some of the paragraphs. Go to Comment
Parna's Cradle and the Golden Stamp
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Plains)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-27 09:16 AM
A cool location though I think it could benefit from a little more going over.

Some of the paragraphs suffer from being a bit too large, and the same could be said for a few sentences.

Others are a bit odd - I can't quite follow this one:

"Pasha is atypical physical specimen an Ator."




Go to Comment
Parna's Cradle and the Golden Stamp
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Plains)
Stork's comment on 2014-03-08 11:05 AM
This would be an interesting place to visit. I can imagine the party arriving just as the 'Court' is about to leave after a few days of shenanigans. The party could dig up all the dirt on the nobles and use it to there advantage.

I like it. Go to Comment
Murometz's comment on 2014-03-05 10:56 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Murometz's comment on 2014-03-05 11:41 PM
I liked this. I read this on a phone in bed, and I still can't believe I made it to the end (quick funny story, came to what I thought was "the end" but then saw it was only Part I lol). This has a lot of human nature true-isms in it, and explores free will, self-loathing, faith and pride, ably. Had some powerful emotional tugs as well, with the children and all that.

Memorable takeaways were:

1. the way this society and world is slowly but surely painted
2. rescuing Diures from the fire, with a feeling of "superiority" over him.

Not much for rpg-ness here, aside from the window onto this particular world, but a well written expose of one man's roiling thoughts and doubts!

I'm also amazed your usual assortment of typos are mostly missing. Kudos. Go to Comment
Moonlake's comment on 2015-01-09 01:48 AM
I really like the ending. It took the story off in a totally different direction that I had expected. It was also at part 4 that the poignant themes of this story really started to sink in. Overall, good work. Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Scrasamax's comment on 2014-03-05 08:57 AM
In my mind, I could see a heavy bureaucratic hand writing out the instructions and procedures for the recolonization program, what steps would happen in what order, and the minimums and maximums of what the system was going to do, leaving the appearance of choice, but in reality everything is running a course with no deviation.

Why else would the system keep making the same set of mistakes with each iteration, other than the fact it is following a preplanned program that missed something. Why do the fish keep dying? Because the engineers and programmers who set it up thought having fish was a good idea, but never owned fish themselves so the care instructions are completely wrong. The fish are doomed to die. The mistake will repeat itself 20 times and then quit.

I do like the part about the advanced computers 'counting to infinity' and then shutting down completely. Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Dozus's comment on 2014-03-04 08:30 AM
It does have a nice flow to it, and it's interesting to hear the historical perspective, as it were.

I'm with Silver on the ending. I'm sure it's purposefully ambiguous and the reader is supposed to read between the lines, but it is a bit abrupt. A little more to it would help wrap things up. Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Dozus's comment on 2014-03-04 11:32 AM
Bro, I feel like you're picking a quarrel where there ain't one. Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Murometz's comment on 2014-03-04 12:42 PM
Echo? Are there missing comments in this post? Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
Murometz's comment on 2014-03-04 05:44 PM


Well, i enjoyed this greatly! It's funny, pseudo-deep, and a little disturbing. Create and Destroy! Abrupt end seemed perfect to me.



I can see why Sil and knowman want to know more though...the ending begs for more!



And yet, that's my takeaway. The reader decides why everything is clear to it now. The computer doesn't know jack shit.

Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 09:10 AM
Ah Dozus, you have too sharp a mind for me, and I am certain you are playing a verbal game of 4 dimensional chess with me here. I see the door you have lead me too, but I can't guess what is on the other side. So I will ask you the obvious question.

Do not ambiguous statements promote "interactivity"? Should I not as you say "anticipate Strolenites to... adapt".

Do you think strolenties want everything drawn out as Strolen says "with crayons" or do they prefer a more ambiguous frame work to which they may tack their own ideas?



Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 11:55 AM
alright Dozus, I will push back from the table. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
744

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2