An interesting character, and while he could be described as one dimensional, there are certainly people in real life who are one dimensional. I like the fact that Igor is a man of god out of fear, rather than any sort of real religious calling, and that many of his motivations, aside from divine fear, are based in real world materialism. Igor feels like a real person, with interests in caring for his family and his legacy, as well as having a level head about things like war.
This is a good character, and I could see using him not just in his given setting, but as a man of importance dealing with adventurers-upon-return, and doing the duties of the non-present King, such as making deal with mercenaries, settling disputes, endorsing or condemning actions such as hunting down people without any sort of oversight, or pardoning certain other people. Go to Comment
Like the companion sub on his wife, I like the contrast between him being a good diplomatic and leader and his weakness in calvary and esp. his struggle with his cultural heritage. I like Ysra slightly more because she seems more interesting whereas Halldor still seems essentially a knight at heart but then I know not much could be done about that given that he's lawful good in alignment.
Typo alert- I thought the last line of the Appearance paragraph contained the typo "since" which should be "sense" or something similar. Go to Comment
I confess I have a hard time commenting on this one - this kind of sci-fi is not so much my thing. There's something to be said for a psychic martial artist war mech, though, I suppose. And it could make a good looming destruction sort of enemy, I think. You recommend not fighting it, but it seems a little odd to create such a menace and then not involve it in combat.
The locusts are pretty horrifying - enough so that I almost feel that they would be better off as their own submission, with perhaps a link between the two. Go to Comment
Very few Ideas here,I would use without modification. Id always change some little parts here or there.(Not counting the setting ,of course). This over looked master piece is PERFECT in that I would use it WITHOUT modifacation! Not to mention thr Griffon is one of the shapest looking Mechs. I have a quibble or two but I'm going to keep them to myself,in that I don't want you to change a single word. Go to Comment
The idea of demons which torment people in their sleep is a somewhat familiar one, but these guys have a more philosophical bent to them which is interesting. The demons themselves are certainly interesting.
I do think I would be inclined to extend the exorcism a bit more than in your example. That is, rather than calling out the demon so explicitly, I might prefer to make that bit into more of a mystery/clue hunt kind of thing. Go to Comment
This would be an interesting place to visit. I can imagine the party arriving just as the 'Court' is about to leave after a few days of shenanigans. The party could dig up all the dirt on the nobles and use it to there advantage.
I liked this. I read this on a phone in bed, and I still can't believe I made it to the end (quick funny story, came to what I thought was "the end" but then saw it was only Part I lol). This has a lot of human nature true-isms in it, and explores free will, self-loathing, faith and pride, ably. Had some powerful emotional tugs as well, with the children and all that.
Memorable takeaways were:
1. the way this society and world is slowly but surely painted
2. rescuing Diures from the fire, with a feeling of "superiority" over him.
Not much for rpg-ness here, aside from the window onto this particular world, but a well written expose of one man's roiling thoughts and doubts!
I'm also amazed your usual assortment of typos are mostly missing. Kudos. Go to Comment
I really like the ending. It took the story off in a totally different direction that I had expected. It was also at part 4 that the poignant themes of this story really started to sink in. Overall, good work. Go to Comment
In my mind, I could see a heavy bureaucratic hand writing out the instructions and procedures for the recolonization program, what steps would happen in what order, and the minimums and maximums of what the system was going to do, leaving the appearance of choice, but in reality everything is running a course with no deviation.
Why else would the system keep making the same set of mistakes with each iteration, other than the fact it is following a preplanned program that missed something. Why do the fish keep dying? Because the engineers and programmers who set it up thought having fish was a good idea, but never owned fish themselves so the care instructions are completely wrong. The fish are doomed to die. The mistake will repeat itself 20 times and then quit.
I do like the part about the advanced computers 'counting to infinity' and then shutting down completely. Go to Comment
It does have a nice flow to it, and it's interesting to hear the historical perspective, as it were.
I'm with Silver on the ending. I'm sure it's purposefully ambiguous and the reader is supposed to read between the lines, but it is a bit abrupt. A little more to it would help wrap things up. Go to Comment