I like it. I don't generally see much about purification on Strolen's for some reason. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough.
The drawback is interesting, but I've got a question: do the rituals regain their power after so long a period of non-use? Or do they have a set power limit that just keeps getting lower and lower as time goes by? Go to Comment
Simply great! delicious tone and details. Cant find fault. A great sub is one that answers all possible questions, yet raises countless new ones.
"Do you still not understand, young one"? the Prophet asked in his lilting drawl, noticing the look on Esau's face.
"I have seen below oceans and above skies. I have seen what will happen in your grandchildren's lifetime. The Forces of Light shall triumph, eradicating the Darkness! Our world will change forever. Fools will celebrate the end of all iniquity, but fools they will remain. Without evil, pray tell, what need is there for good? The world must be in balance, young ones, and I, Zuddanish the Seventh, will save the world anew when the time comes....keep digging!"
Minutes later, while still questioning his master's logic internally, Esau "clanged" the first of the strange lead boxes with his shovel... Go to Comment
I revised the text to clarify the impact of the rituals' failure.
Some thanks are in order: I had conceived that their power would wane, but Ria Hawk was the one that first suggested the mechanism involved, while Muro was the one that first described the Phylacteries.
Of course, Scrasamax was the one whose Demon Jade got the ball rolling. Go to Comment
The rituals' effectiveness is related to how much "evil" they have currently "banked away". If they are not used for a long time, previous rituals will have expired, causing the rituals to be very effective. As they reach their "maximum evil capacity", they grow less effective.
When the rituals first appeared in the Great Empire, they had just "reset" after their failure in the Sallvian Empire. They soon collapsed again, contributing to the downfall of the Great Empire. They tend to cause a "tragedy of the commons" style failure in any culture where they become commonplace, and so are a destabilizing influence. Go to Comment
You have to flesh this one out further and finish it. I saw the the silver line of something great when the assasin is sent after them. Some incidious plot, but it just stopped- Ending with cacao and almonds:)
Nice touch that. Please finish this? Go to Comment
This looks like a pretty good variation on the old Mutant Monster Invasion plotline. True, this is something of a cliché, but it is quite a good one so youll get no criticism on that score (well, not from me at least).
There is however one comment that I think needs to be made:
I quite like the idea of trolls being horribly mutated by a combination of otherwise innocuous substances (in this case chocolate and almonds) but I dont understand why the rebels have to steal these from the kings personal chef. Would it not be easier (and a lot less suspicious) if they simply bought them? After all there is no law prohibiting the trade in confectionary, is there?
Do this way and you now have a neat little mystery plot, with enough scope for a mini-campaign (say four or five scenarios). Have the kings men fight all the mutant troll rebels (after all that is what armies are for) while the PCs are tasked with discovering what is causing the mutations. Go to Comment
Pretty nifty. I like the story behind the mission, and the description of the items. Of course, me being me, I tend to try to twist things... Yes, the Brotherhood is a noble group, and by the nature of the group they're all paragons of goodness. But Val has a point; the Holy Panoply turning up is a harbringer of the Final Days; presumably so the Pristine Champion can wear it in the Final Battle. They might not have thought about it... but this group could technically be considered an apocalypse cult. And yes, the messenger that gave Hardimus was from the Upper Realms, but it was on behalf of The Lord of Battles.
Well written! An order of paladins with another purpose besides being good; goodness being a way and not only a goal.
Having to achieve goodness before you can even attempt your goal is better than being able to lie to yourself about how good you are. Go to Comment
Iiiiiiinteresting. As I'm beginning to see more and more, it's not the basic core of a submission that matters, it's the presentation and the fluff that make it a good one. Nice work Wulf. Go to Comment
A well-detailed order, complete with a holy grail dingus! Really, its the details that seperate it from similar orders. Good work!
As to the Helm: If I understand correctly, I have a question...What if someone wishes to believe, but has natural, subconcious doubts..lets say for example, a young, new member of the Brotherhood. How will that person see the helm? Go to Comment
Updated: I corrected a few typos and eliminated a couple of small errors. (Such as listing criminals among the occupations held by the society's members: While they may have a few members who have fallen into criminal ways, they would be very reluctant to bring such people into their organization. The Brotherhood's members would be more likely to be branded as criminals only in those lands lost to evil customs, where they would quietly strive to overthrow the corruption darkening the land.) Go to Comment