Unique and tragic. I like the tip that while wearing in battle keep away from arms as it tends to be 'clingy' that was great! Small change I would is make it itchy for anybody not in love instead of only for the killer.
The cloak will find liking to those with a devoted heart, and little love for those not. Especially uncouth will it be to those that harmed its former favourite owner. I wonder, what would happen if a fitting wearer is killed by another fitting wearer (like in war)? Will the cloak hate the new owner, and gradually grow accustomed to it?
A great start. I am looking forward on other submissions from you. Go to Comment
I think that you dropped the ball there at the end. You had a pretty good story going, and then, when you get to Dovan actually wearing the cloak, you just hurried through it.
Also, I am not that impressed with the effects that were made for the cloak itself(mostly the shield). I think that you could have done better with this. It seems more characteristic that you might instead be aware of attacks from behind instead of just shielded from them.
Maybe when you wear it in cold weather, it keeps you from freezing like the warmth of a lover's embrace. And maybe you hear your lover's shout warning you of danger from behind.
This is the kind of descriptive detail that I would like to see with an item like this.
Despite my criticism, it is a good idea, but it needs to be done more artistically, with the painter's touch.
It looks like I will be the bad man here and give it a three. But I would gladly give it higher if you would fill some of it out. Go to Comment
I certainly like it.
As they say, love is a kind of magic, and moments of passion may seem enchanted.
A very pleasant item, especially for romantic fantasy.
"Are you not afraid, Dovan?" a fellow soldier asked. "No, for my love keeps me safe." Go to Comment
I dont think you are to far off base Nobody. By what your sayign I can see your reasoning behind it and it is definately a sound comment. Your not being the odd man out, you have just looked at it differently than I did, and apparently the others.
My saying always stands, there is no such thing as a bad comment or vote, only ones that are never given. Even a three has merit and sure it could use work, but we all have submissions that get good reviews yet still need much work. Go to Comment
Bump again, two years later. I like the way this ends. The murderer casts off the cloak for fear of what it will do next, and so it goes, another magic item "lost"...waiting again to be found, so it can "embrace" once more.
In the harbour of a major city a large and terrifying ship made of human nails docks. Nobody seems to inhabit this ominous vessel, someone needs to go on board and unveil the mystery. In comes the PCs.
Encounter ( Water ) | February 15, 2011 |