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Xander
NPCs  (Extras)   (Knowledge/Lore)
Strolen's comment on 2008-04-20 08:51 AM
Man, that intro had me hooked! If you could give us what you alluded with the sickness I think there would be a great post in there! Go to Comment
Xander
NPCs  (Extras)   (Knowledge/Lore)
CaptainPenguin's comment on 2004-10-14 07:46 PM
You mean there aren't any comments?

How this character could be improved:
He needs to have a backstory and a past. Don't tell us that Xander doesn't remember his memory. That's bad writing.
How did he get this sword with blood memory?
Is English your first language? I'd like to know before I go into your grammar.
I rate it a...

2/5. Go to Comment
Xander
NPCs  (Extras)   (Knowledge/Lore)
MoonHunter's comment on 2004-10-15 11:06 AM
We are a patient bunch. Please feel free to keep editing the character until it is complete.

1) Even if your character does not remember, include the highlights of their life. Things will come back to haunt you. Especially if you have exceptional skills and equipment, those had to come from somewhere or someone. Those people might still have "business" with the character.

2) Again, where did the sword come from? (Cool bit with the blood memory).

3) If English is not your native language, then feel free to write up the entry in your native tongue, then go to altavista or similar translation site and do a basic translation. Then go through and "fix" it with your knowledge of what you wanted to say and English.

4) Details, Details, Details. We need details to better understand the character. Without them, the character is mostly useless to those who read it. (Now on a story site, it would be no to bad.. but here it is).

Details show that you actually cared about your post, enough to invest a little time and effort into it. Without them (or an explanation as to why they are not there), posts look, "dashed off". If it appears the poster does not care, why should any of the commenters or readers?

I am going to withold voting until you can update it some more. Go to Comment
Xander
NPCs  (Extras)   (Knowledge/Lore)
Veritasg's comment on 2004-10-14 08:28 PM
Thanks for the tips. (:

There are a few things I have to set straight though in the areas of memory loss. Throughout the story he has dreams that eventually merge into the present tense. At the end of the book he finally realizes who is really is. It is kind of sad what happens. I especially like the part where he wakes up in the hospital bed with a sprig of Lavender in his hand. Go to Comment
Xander
NPCs  (Extras)   (Knowledge/Lore)
Veritasg's comment on 2004-10-14 08:29 PM
A lot of things happen, and it would take me FOREVER to write everything down. Go to Comment
Xander
NPCs  (Extras)   (Knowledge/Lore)
valadaar's comment on 2014-04-15 02:52 PM
Great hook, no line or sinker...
Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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