How this character could be improved:
He needs to have a backstory and a past. Don't tell us that Xander doesn't remember his memory. That's bad writing.
How did he get this sword with blood memory?
Is English your first language? I'd like to know before I go into your grammar.
I rate it a...
We are a patient bunch. Please feel free to keep editing the character until it is complete.
1) Even if your character does not remember, include the highlights of their life. Things will come back to haunt you. Especially if you have exceptional skills and equipment, those had to come from somewhere or someone. Those people might still have "business" with the character.
2) Again, where did the sword come from? (Cool bit with the blood memory).
3) If English is not your native language, then feel free to write up the entry in your native tongue, then go to altavista or similar translation site and do a basic translation. Then go through and "fix" it with your knowledge of what you wanted to say and English.
4) Details, Details, Details. We need details to better understand the character. Without them, the character is mostly useless to those who read it. (Now on a story site, it would be no to bad.. but here it is).
Details show that you actually cared about your post, enough to invest a little time and effort into it. Without them (or an explanation as to why they are not there), posts look, "dashed off". If it appears the poster does not care, why should any of the commenters or readers?
I am going to withold voting until you can update it some more. Go to Comment
There are a few things I have to set straight though in the areas of memory loss. Throughout the story he has dreams that eventually merge into the present tense. At the end of the book he finally realizes who is really is. It is kind of sad what happens. I especially like the part where he wakes up in the hospital bed with a sprig of Lavender in his hand. Go to Comment
Art: Full Point - Elegant and simple in concept, beautifully conceived.
Craft: Full Point - Well written and complete, no words wasted.
Style: Full Point - Very nicely phrased, puts me right in the moment
Substance: Full Point - Really says everything that needs to be said. The entire idea is fully expressed and fleshed out.
Extra Mile: Full Point - It's clear the author cared very much about his subject and made the effort to show us.
5/5 I'd vote this into the hall of honor if I could.
He's a non-descript man, with his pushcart. On it he sells nothing more exotic than jars of sun-dried tomatoes in oil and pickled vegetables. But he's always out there, in the courtyard of the great Guild of Wizards, in most weathers, and he'll have a kind word for you, and a jar.
Encounter ( Other ) | August 17, 2015 |