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The Surian Inquisition
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
Pieh's comment on 2009-05-29 10:41 PM
Not bad, not bad at all. Like I said in chat, not my style, but it certainly is a good solid piece to set a story around. Welcome to the Citadel, and keep up the good work. Go to Comment
The Surian Inquisition
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
Cheka Man's comment on 2009-05-30 08:21 AM
The change of rulers is the joy of fools. Go to Comment
The Surian Inquisition
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
Drackler's comment on 2009-06-05 05:58 PM
Well, when I first saw this sub, I expected a quasi-evil religious group. What I got is alright, just not what I expected (No one expects the Surian Inquisition!). Like Pieh said, it's not really my cup-a-tea, but it is pretty good. Unfortunately, it seems a little incomplete. You have quite a bit of information about the history of the group (which you'll need here), but almost nothing about current times, and no plot hooks or ways of using this in the game. Overall, adequate, but could be bettered.
Welcome to the Citadel, Varros. Go to Comment
The Surian Inquisition
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
valadaar's comment on 2009-06-05 06:58 PM
Welcome to the citadel!

First, take a look at many of Moonhunter's advice posts - there are many :)

But one point is I did not think it flows well. Read it aloud to yourself. There are some run-on sentences which should show themselves that way.

Another is the summary - use one that grabs attention, not drying explaining what you are writing.
Go to Comment
The Surian Inquisition
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
VarrosAnon's comment on 2009-05-29 10:13 PM
Since this is my first post, I would love feedback on how to not only improve this article, but any tips for writing in the future.

Thanks! Go to Comment
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