I really like the way you describe the creatures. Straight-forward, clinical approach ftw! Detailed physical description, the ecology, how they attack, and the best way to thwart them.
"bits of fur between the carapace" is nice and icky
Cockroaches + bats? Ewww. Good little nasty beasties to send after some human feasties. Perhaps a bit too challenging for lowbies while they're swarming, but they'd make a great addition to any horror-themed plot.
Tundra, I too am a fan of your creatures. I'd take a moadi bird over a Girsh in my campaign, but this critter is also damn good. Nice mix of facts and fantasy!
Also, what Cheka said. Except, Giant Leonine-Rabbits of Doom!
Another top-notch submission. I love how all of your animals seem pausable and well tailored to their environment. The plot hooks seem a little on the thin side, but I'm still glad they're there. Thanks so much for posting the picture as well, most of your submissions are so clear I don't need one, but this creature is particularly complex looking.
Marvelous! I can only second hylandpad's comment and PoisonAlchemist's request for more of your alchemy!
VERY thorough and well done. This looks like something out of a stodgy old Wizard's musty tome of "De Arcanius Concoctius Orbium" or something of that like. I like your little annotations and footnotes, very authentic. Great Job!
A very thorough potion, you should create a submission that is a list of your wonderfully detailed alchemical ingredients. A great war-time potion like morphine.
Its great backstory... the information here is good but to me it seems... half hazzard perhaps? Like PA stated it lacks clarity. Not saying it isn't interesting but it lacks a solid fist in my face saying this is where this is going. Having said that, after speaking to you at length on your rpg experience and what you intend this information for it works but the site here in and of all its members require meat with their potatoes so to speak... It has potential if it is cleaned up some and the thought process is more geared to making someone understand where your coming form.
Perhaps consider breaking this up into two different articles -- one that expands on Toothsit and the other on Curthus. You could then expand them into full location subs, adding plot hooks, NPCs and other reasons to base adventures in those locales. Or, you could simply leave them as impressions. Curthus is a good candidate for a "City Image" article (look up the originals by MoonHunter for ideas).
As far as I can gather, the lands of Khal are fairly atheistic, while Curthus is run by some sea-monster-god cult? What exactly is the point of the article? I know this was supposed to be a system of some sort, but it sounds more informative.
I can see how you detailed the way a natural phenomenon can be mistaken for the divine - perhaps you were meaning to detail how a religion comes into being? Or is this just supposed to be an article that the people of your created world react to the thought of religion?
With a little tidying up, this could be pretty good, but I think it needs focus.
I think the main thing lacking in this piece is clarity. I am unsure if I am reading several books, or if I am Ridinian. Each individual story is interesting and well written. I would also advise changing the title to "Religion in your world name here" to stave off confusion.
Thank you for the help everyone! I'm trying to figure out how to delete a post so that I can re-contribute it into the two seperate articles as mentioned with elaboration on each! One worry of mine was that if I write too much it would.. be well, too much!
Lifeforms (Unique) (Underground)
Nasty insects with no redeeming fewatures.
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