First of all, you might want to keep an eye on your spelling and punctuation. Don't just use spell check, because it isn't foolproof.
Second, the backstory just seems flat to me. I don't like it. The character seems pretty boring, just a benevolent goblin.
Third, what do those spells do? I've never heard of them.
This is good back ground, maybe have him wander the local woods for a while, but its the spells that are not quite right. The minor pick lock can be a cantrip or something of that nature, easy enough for a low lvl critter. The globe of protection and the healing are another story. I have neverheard for a mage class casting heal. Now if he was out on his own long enough I would consider him as a mid lvl ranger with some druid like spells. Have him be like a local guide for adventures traveling through his part of the woods. Go to Comment
Sorry, Ylorea but I disagree. This item lacks any sort of originality. It's a black sword forged by a kobold which makes you go invisible. Why not submit an axe which was made by a goblin and which makes you resistant to fire? It lacks depth. What it needs is more character.
For instance, why is there a shadow fiend's head on the hilt? Was the kobold possessed by a shadow fiend when he was forging the sword and it's the fiend's power with which the blade is imbued? If so, who is the shadow fiend and why did he want to do this?
This item has potential, but needs development. I'm reserving my vote until then...
That is certainly an improvement :) Now we know who the kobold was, why he has created the item and the significance of the design has been made clear. I'd still say the story was a little uninventive, but that's more of an aesthetic judgement.
There were no votes a second ago, then I voted 2/5, and now it has a rating of 2.67...
Please let other people decide how to rate your submissions. Then, pat yourself on the back for thier praise, not your own ego stroking.
You mention that the kobold forging the scimitar is unusual, and I agree, but why did he do it? You need to fill that out. The friend who still wields it, is a drow or hates drow, I can't tell from your description. I doubt many people here know what a shadow fiend is, I know I don't. This must be a powerful kobold to forge swords and imbue them with magic. Why did he do all this anyway?
The sword is a upside, but the powers aren't really overpowerful, as long as they have limits. How long can you stay invisible? If it's unlimited, it is unbalanced. Infrared is kind of a munchkin/ rules lawyer kind of thing, but not that important.
I do commend you for not useing any system specific stats, good job there. As the sword is, I can use it in any game.
You have fleshed out more of the motives behind the creation of the weapon and taken away details that didn't help and confused the nature of the item. Good work, but I assume you have some personal reason for using a kobold, a race not thought highly of in the art of magic or weapons smithy, to be the creator of this weapon.
In all the changes you've made, you've made a great deal of simple spelling errors. Fix those and you'll get a better rating.
Boring backstory. Wow. Some thing made a scimitar.
How did this apparently average kobold make such a weapon? What does this have to do with the drow?
The powers are so-so. I can adjust them in ways so that they are good or bad. My players would probably find huge loopholes, though, and that's bad. You don't want loopholes.
I agree with Agar on all points, so it must be a...
How could others use it? well steal it from the friend of the kobold.
(Or bargain for it if they are the more scurpulous kind.)
Is there realy loopholes? well that depends on how you look at it... I think there are no loopholes, because what ever you do, this item is system independent and as such I need to translate it to for instance D&D. If there are loopholes after the translation, then they are my fault. All in all I can imagine that some people would like to know why the kobold made the sword.
I'd normaly give this item a 3/5 because I am in doubt, but since so many people have been quite unfriendely about it, I will even go for 4/5.
But other then that, this sword is like the whispering dead and it deserves a much higher rating. Go to Comment
This is a good example of a decent idea that isnt horribly overpowered, black metal scimitar (with probably some + numbers) that grants bonuses to stealth, sneak, etc checks, but only if there are shadows to be exploited.
The presentation could stand a revision but that is unlikely considering the status of tge author. Go to Comment
Believable magic, like ordinary physicis, operates according to some invariable laws that always result in some kind of cost or "bounce back". The grater the magic, the more it should cost the character physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Ideas ( System ) | February 8, 2005 |