The work needs more focus and to be less choppy in its delivery.
You should start with a description section... cover those bases..
Then give us a bit of history and background on them...
Then clear up all the odd abilities that have been implied in the previous section.
I would like to see a paragraph or two on what your werewolves are like... either in this text or in a linked submission.
The description should flow from section to section. Each idea building on and supporting the last. I do not have a clear idea about these creatures from this write up. Still an interesting idea I would like to see developed. Go to Comment
I particularly like the prospect of demons cursed with lycanthropy and bound to serve their Howler Demon tormentors: That'll rattle jaded players!
The Howlers are a good idea, but could use some more information: How do they differ from big werewolves? What demonic features do they carry? How long does their lycanthropy take to set in? What is their tie to the moon and how does it impact them? This alternate origin for werewolves has a lot of appeal.
There are a few errors in your text that you will want to eliminate. Go to Comment
I think you guys are being a bit unfair. I'm sure this would have a 4.25 rating if one of the older hands had put it forth.
As for myself, I think that it still needs some work in terms of additional plot hooks. We could all probably come up with a few good uses for this toxin (Wulfhere's already started!), so why not put a few forth. Flesh it out a bit. What exactly is a Howler Demon? Why should we be afraid of it? Do Demons reproduce sexually, and even have pheremones?
I agree with Cheka on this, and there is room for improvement on some of the sentence structures. I'd suggest you read the sub out loud back to yourself.
All in all, this is a good first sub and the toxin quite useful. Arrow delivery of poison is not the best unless you are assuming people normally survive being hit by arrows. I'd see it more useful as a contact or ingested poison myself. Much more subtle. Go to Comment
It reproduces itself within the victim's system, becoming stronger with time? I could see an adventure where one of the Player Characters (...or the whole party: Why stint?) is dosed with Tracer Poison and must get the antidote before the steadily-mounting toxicity is too strong for the antidote to effect.
An innocent could be poisoned, forcing the heroes to guard them, or a "Most Dangerous Game" scenario could be played out, where inhuman hunters dose their prospective victims with the toxin to facilitate the hunt.
I, too, would rather see it as an ingested toxin, rather than a blood-borne toxin. A cruel GM might dose the Player Character's horse, rather than the character himself: While the heroes often take elaborate precautions to protect their persons, how many remember to similarly protect their mounts? Go to Comment
When someone befriends an animal, s/he obtains the ability to unite their souls together and take on the form of that animal as well as its abilities. S/he also gain some properties of that animal even when they are no keener t transformed, such as resistence to cold or senses. If s/he really wants to s/he can half transforms taking on characteristics of the animal and their normal form
Ideas ( System ) | August 18, 2004 |