This makes a really excellent introduction. I have an inkling of what the mask does and how it operates. The tone of horror is conveyed really well.
I am left with a few questions, though. What does it look like? What is its history? Does it grant powers to the wearer or just whisper suggestions?
Wow, complex. I'll need to take some time to read and think through this before I vote.
Might I suggest you combine this with the more "artisitc" Shattering sub? I feel like both are lacking something, and the something would seem to be each other. This is highly functional with little artistic flair, and the other is all style with little substance. Don't get me wrong, I think the ideas presented here are really interesting, but I think you leave something to be desired in terms of organization.
I have no idea what I just read. What is this? How is this to be used? Is Cain a planet? A universe? Something like Gaia, or Mother Earth, is how this feels, but we have no real idea what this is. It reads like a creation myth of religious significance, but falls short of explaining anything to a useable degree. Withholding vote until I figure this one out.
I like this one, yet at the same time acknowledge everyone critiques as accurate and valid. I agree this write up makes no sense and relies so much on the suggestion of information as to be almost devoid of information, yet I think it tells a story and sets a tone. The contradictions (though some them may be typos) and the gaps only help to set that tone and they tell you about what is unknown and as well as known.
Many world views ascribe to the forces of nature personalities. Indeed, some world view personify everything, now that is not the way the actual universe works, but what if it was? <b> What if thought was indeed to the core of existence? Then nothing could exist without thought? </b> If that was the case then everything that is or was could be traced back to a thinking being. I think, and maybe I have it wrong, this is the type of the universe describe here. And if this is the case then the human form is not just a product of evolution (or not at all a product of evolution) but a product of an intellect (in this case existence and the universe that was), and this would explain the human centric nature of the universe and why it is personified as an old man.
I think I understand it I think it is daring and interesting take on roleplaying.
A little more, yep, but only that. Too many unanswered questions. Who and what are the "Conflicted Ones?" Who and what is Lokatt? We get some of the metagame knowledge about Cain here, but what do the PLAYERS perceive? How is it that he remembers nothing about the Shattering (in one paragraph) but has all this pre-Shattering knowledge (in another)?
Beyond that, the presentation looks like a cut-and-paste of bits from several files into this one; no rhyme or reason to the organization. The vote comes from the definition of votes in the 1s: a rough draft not yet suited for public consumption, and a month and a half in, it should be finished or converted into a WIP sub.
I think the problem is that it is too vague and could use more details. I also think the overall theme is a little scattered (is it a creation myth? a tale about immortals?). I would suggest figuring out what the theme is and then going back through paragraph by paragraph, weighing each one against how well it fits/expands/explains that theme. Then cut, reword, and expand as needed until the message is clear.
Just my 2 cents.
This looks more like a first draft than a polished sub, so I will also withhold my vote.