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Lydecker Cain, The Universe That Was
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Knowledge/Lore)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-04-02 04:58 AM


Mm, similarly.  It sure strikes me as a creation myth, and as a creation myth it works, but here's the rub: where's the tie in to the Quest?  How does this relate to fallen empires?


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Lydecker Cain, The Universe That Was
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Knowledge/Lore)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-05-09 01:16 PM


A little more, yep, but only that.  Too many unanswered questions.  Who and what are the "Conflicted Ones?"  Who and what is Lokatt?   We get some of the metagame knowledge about Cain here, but what do the PLAYERS perceive?  How is it that he remembers nothing about the Shattering (in one paragraph) but has all this pre-Shattering knowledge (in another)?



Beyond that, the presentation looks like a cut-and-paste of bits from several files into this one; no rhyme or reason to the organization.  The vote comes from the definition of votes in the 1s: a rough draft not yet suited for public consumption, and a month and a half in, it should be finished or converted into a WIP sub.


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Lydecker Cain, The Universe That Was
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Knowledge/Lore)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-03-26 11:10 AM


I think the problem is that it is too vague and could use more details. I also think the overall theme is a little scattered (is it a creation myth? a tale about immortals?). I would suggest figuring out what the theme is and then going back through paragraph by paragraph, weighing each one against how well it fits/expands/explains that theme.  Then cut, reword, and expand as needed until the message is clear.



Just my 2 cents.



This looks more like a first draft than a polished sub, so I will also withhold my vote.


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The Shattering
Plots  (Event)   (Campaign)
Dozus's comment on 2011-05-03 01:31 PM


Very atospheric, you've done well in setting the stage. I look forward to more!


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The Shattering
Plots  (Event)   (Campaign)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-12 06:26 PM


I like the surreal quality of this piece. But you may as well break down the forth wall and give us the downlow OCC/Meta game explaination of things. 


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The Shattering
Plots  (Event)   (Campaign)
Ted's comment on 2011-05-09 02:48 PM
Kindly take a look at the suggest sub and see if that improves the confusion a little. Go to Comment
The Shattering
Plots  (Event)   (Campaign)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-05-09 01:03 PM


It's a start, but only that, IMHO.


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The Shattering
Plots  (Event)   (Campaign)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-05-08 10:18 PM


I have read this a few times but I don't really get it. I like the language, I like the tone, but I don't understand the content. It seems too vague and disconnected.


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The Shattering
Plots  (Event)   (Campaign)
Juliet's comment on 2011-05-04 02:27 PM


Way back in high school i had a similar idea, well or maybe not, it's hard to tell from the information.



Anyway: Sounds awesome. Right up my alley.



Some Ideas you might find helpful:



Godlike Powers are reversibly relative to the size of the world. Any conflicted one can control a world where only he lives, but it takes huge powers, or long work, to exercise them in a bustling city, that power has to be taken from all the other residents. So if a group of conflicted ones come in a small world which has only one inhabitant, he could have nearly godlike powers, if he is conflicted. Newcomers have to “rip” power from the original inhabitant to battle him.



The “Edge of the World” is a mist, through which sometimes other worlds can be seen, as foggy shadows. The fog lifts or goes at least less thick if two world connect.



Memories (of everyone or the conflicted ones) are also shattered. They can only remember some things or nothing of their past at all. Conflicted Ones can shape new memories with their powers, search the shatters for their original memories or even rip memories from others. (This could be three different kinds of learning new abilities, if any kind of rule system is used).



 



I'm sure I can come up with some more Ideas...


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The Vattic Trap
Dungeons  (Other)   (Traps)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-04-29 12:56 PM


You could set an adventure inside this trap.


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The Vattic Trap
Dungeons  (Other)   (Traps)
Dozus's comment on 2011-04-29 02:38 PM


Quite a torture device. Though I like it, I have to play devil's advocate and ask: why all the scary dreams? If you've already got someone caught in a metal box with multiple sets of claws, why bother with the added torture of nightmares?



I guess what I'm saying is, I like the concept, but I'd like to see a little more with the background.


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The Vattic Trap
Dungeons  (Other)   (Traps)
Murometz's comment on 2011-05-03 06:07 PM


I kinda like the back-story. Seems almost like a character from Watchmen or something. Interesting and weird trap. So, whatever happened to John?


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The Vattic Trap
Dungeons  (Other)   (Traps)
Ted's comment on 2011-05-01 07:40 AM
Update: Backstory update... also added a line about the premonitions and their true nature.

Will probably visit this again to shiny it up once more later. Go to Comment
The Vattic Trap
Dungeons  (Other)   (Traps)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-05-04 08:59 PM


An interesting idea and a vicious torture device. When you truly want your enemy to suffer.



A conceivable variation might be to allow an outsider to share in the vision in order to gather intelligence. How better to get to know your enemy than to see how he reacts in a sandbox?


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Corran's Self-Closing Chamber Pot
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
Pieh's comment on 2011-04-22 09:15 PM


This is just VILE!



Poop-spraying, ass-snipping, seagull-summoning, object-stealing, TOILET FROM HELL!



I like it.


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Corran's Self-Closing Chamber Pot
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-04-22 03:09 AM


It's fun - and sparks ideas about other cursed items of hygiene - toothbrushes, razors, combs, etc.


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Corran's Self-Closing Chamber Pot
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-04-22 06:59 PM


The toilet from Hell.


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Corran's Self-Closing Chamber Pot
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2011-04-26 06:33 PM


I second Val, I remembered a certain gate with a smile and a nod when I read his comment.


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Corran's Self-Closing Chamber Pot
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2011-04-24 01:08 PM
Hehehe! Clever sub infested one! I truly enjoyed the backgrpund story. Well done! Go to Comment
Corran's Self-Closing Chamber Pot
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Cursed)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2011-04-22 04:22 PM


I actually have nothing to say on this. I think it baffled me.


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