The foot-notes are a riot! I enjoyed this immensely. Clever, creative, detailed. I missed most of the formatting issues and updates you seemed to be having, but it sure it sure looks good now! The mystery of the liquid is a nice touch as well. A humorously classic duo, Corran and Bethany.

Go to Comment

 

This one started out really well, we have another amusing story of Beth and Corran, and we have the imagery of Corran with a Doc Brown style colander on his head. But the end result of the item is one that is dull, inaccessible and unnecessarily limited.   I was surprised you end with this

“However, the Scribe does not work for other users. Believed to be a problem with the collector assembly and its compatibility with Corran's thoughts specifically, all attempts to modify the Scribe to accommodate another user have failed.”

How about giving the hand a little personality, a little bit of that puckish mischievousness that often seems to grow out of Corran’s quiet and domestic ambitions.   You could give the hand some of Bethany’s traits so that it will change the wording to fit her sensibilities.  Perhaps Bethany is more polite than Corran. 

“I am not writing the phrase ‘demonic crap box’, how about ‘an item from my privy’.” 

Or perhaps Bethany has a little more attitude then Corran.

“I am not addressing Veracit as ‘his Grace’ I don’t care how many Dukedom’s he is granted.  I shall instead write ‘Mr. Veracit who stayed at our home for 6-months without offer of rent or compensation’.”

I know I could change it if I use it and I will, but I would let my players have a go with this. It be could useful for a mage so that they can be sure to take notes while working on spells. I would also give the hand a bit of personality.  

Go to Comment

I could imagine this scribe system being used to create a mimic of somebody else's handwriting. Perhaps a key piece of evidence in a case of treason was generated by somebody using a hand like this. Imagine if Iago had one of these made with Desdemona's hand.

But perhaps Corran could use it for marital instead martial power plays,
"I am sorry Beth but I have the shopping list right here in your hand writing and eye of newt isn't on it." Go to Comment

Wow, the first time i read this I thought you had some formating issue, then I thought you just edited this badly, and I was preparing long detailed a critique about how some paragraphs didn't make sense.  I was even going to mention how your footnotes weren't working as superscripts. Then I realized that the damn scribe ruled me again.

 

Damn clever sir, it is amazing how you turned this around with out much effort, it made me realize what a great core you had to this idea.     

Go to Comment

I am sorry I said without much effort, i just noticed what you went through editing this thing. I laughed out loud while reading this and had to try and explain it to my wife. Thank you for this, I really enjoyed it. Go to Comment

Bump Go to Comment

now its perfect Go to Comment

The Positive: I like this!  It's a solid, interesting idea with a lot of detail.  I can see how it fits into and illuminates your world.

The Negative: The text is a bit verbose.  If you're bringing your reader along on a lengthy ride, you should give more of a payoff along the way:  Some sort of a twist or surprise would really add to the piece.

The Constructive:  What amazing benefits might arise from Corran's Scribe?  What awkward revelations might the scribe bring forth?  Whose sinister designs might require just such an object?  What tales might it best fit into?

Go to Comment

Well said. I'm certainly going to improve this in the next few days. Go to Comment

Update: Well guys, I took a crack at improving this. Hope you enjoy. Go to Comment

And I broke it. Please hold while I fix my sub. Go to Comment

Update: Well guys, I took a crack at improving this. Hope you enjoy. Go to Comment

Update: Well guys, I took a crack at improving this. Hope you enjoy. Go to Comment

Update: Sorry about the update spam, hopefully this fixed it. Go to Comment

*Throws hands up in a fit of rage* I don't know why in bloody hell it refuses to accept the entire submission, but I'm sick of trying to get it to work. I'll come back to this and fix it another time.

 

*Edit*

Managed to fix it without any formatting. Sometimes I hate the html editor on this site Strolen.

Go to Comment

Creatively, it was without much effort.

As for the actually getting it to post without butchering my writing... well, uh... :D

I'm glad you enjoyed it Axle. I certainly had some fun with the Footnotes. Go to Comment

Now (Mathom be damned) formatted with ACTUAL superscript! Go to Comment

Lurking in my personal workspace (somewhere) is a submission that would've been composed by someone on the scribe... it's something I might come back to. Go to Comment

I agree with much of what axle said, and would love the scribe to be given a little more personality as well. You said it adds footnotes. What about making the scribe automatically correct/clarify everything that Corran dictates? For example, Corran may dictate that the fish was "over a meter long!" and the scribe will add a footnote with the actual (diminutive) length of the fish. After all, it is the duty of the scribe to preserve the factual account for future generations of researchers, yes? Go to Comment

Surprised I didn't vote on this before. I can't remember the original article as well, but as it stands now it is tight and well-formatted. Love the footnotes!

Perhaps the Scribe can be used by others once Corran passes away, but would have to take the place of a familiar or something similar. And once removed from Corran's guidance, perhaps it can be a little more autonomous as well. It may prove an invaluable aid in research if it can "remember" facts from a previous owner's work, and could even work as a translator in a pinch ("Look, I'll just think of what I want to say to the foreign magus and you'll take care of the details. Right?"). Go to Comment